It’s not that we’re dead, it’s that we barely feel alive.

This post is dedicated to one amazing young lady, you know who you are:)

The pain within is masked by how well we look on the outside. If only the world knew how much suffering is enveloped within each cell, each joint, each muscle and each neurological signal hidden in the matrix of our bodies. If only our friends knew how much we hoped to be part of what once was, if only the world would understand how loud they really are and how much that seems to bother us, suddenly. At one point we were part of the busy, loud and aggressive world but now we hide in suffering beds, feeling every surface of our tissues and wondering “what’s going on?” We’re silent about our suffering because, at times, we feel like we’re losing our minds, something truly terrifying. We can no longer comprehend what we’re reading and when you want to talk to us, we stare with a smile on our face trying to grasp the words that no longer make sense in our mind. Our bones hurt,  our identity and value hurt alongside as well.

We used to be normal. God, what happened?

These are the inner cries of those suffering from any autoimmune issues, such as Lyme disease, Chronic Lyme with multiple co-infections, Cancer, Fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue syndrome, ME, Lupus, and many more. These are some of the unspoken words and emotions, fears and concerns lingering within.

But, on the other side of these emotions and fears (at one point in the past I felt them all and then some), stand those of us whom, with God’s help, are slowly coming out of such a dark road. We’re here to let you know that you’re not alone, not even close to it and THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS AWFUL TUNNEL. I’m starting to re-live my life, even better than before because I know now how valuable life truly is, how important people are but ultimately how important I also am. You are just as important:) I have boundaries, I keep toxicity at bay, I smile to the things I used to ignore and I ignore the things I should’ve deemed unimportant a long time ago.

Cheer on dear one, this too shall pass, and one day you’ll be back among your friends, most likely some new ones, and you’ll build new memories and you’ll laugh again full of life and most impotantly- full of health.

Thank you, God, for each day and God Bless:)

To the ride ahead and not behind I say “hello” with a smile on my face:)

Exercise and Autoimmune Disease

I’ve expressed in my last post of my desire to write more. Don’t you know by now that most New Year Resolutions are simply a “to do” list for the first week of January:)))))

I have been writing more, in fact, two hours a day on my new fiction adventure novel called “Finding Home”, but enough about that.

New Year brings out the “health nut” portion of ourselves, usually for a couple of weeks for most and a bit longer for others (unless your “health nut” person is out all the time having fun running, in that case, this may only be one of those easy reads for you). The “health nut” usually tends to go right back into hibernation for the better part of the year. It may have a few breaks now and again.  It will come out in full and temporary feverish mood, usually before summer for that amazing bikini look, or before a wedding when you want to look better than the bride herself.

I began my yoga exercise again, after a nice break of six months. Breaks are necessary too, especially when one fights an autoimmune disease. In fact, I must be going through something this very moment because I’m misspelling every single word as if my brain would rather sleep instead of think.

The yoga program I followed for more than ten years now is a Canadian based program called “Namaste” Yoga Practice by Kate Potter. It used to be a television program, maybe still is, but its the only exercise routine I stuck with all these years. I’m not a believer in the spiritual side of the yoga practice, I simply like its smooth moves and relaxing way of moving the body. I tried all sorts of other programs before this one, programs more rigorous, and found them downright annoying.

Anyone fighting Chronic Lyme, Cancer, MS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia to name only a few of the autoimmune diseases, does not have the energy most days to take a shower, or go up and down their own home’s stairs, let alone exercise. In most of these cases, any and all energy present in the body, it is wisely distributed towards activities such as doctor appointments, dinners, laundry, lunches for the kids and maybe sex with your spouse. However, when these diseases are in remission the fun begins. I remember celebrating the walk to my own mailbox, which progressed to being in the car when my husband drove to do the grocery shopping, to taking five, ten then twenty-minutes long walks, to playing tennis and now to driving small distances. Oh, the joy of stabbing one’s toe and crying happy tears because you actually felt that pain, where once used to be a tingling numbing spot.

Well now I’m stronger and I can do the complete 20-minute yoga program. I love the stretching part (although if you decide to start yoga don’t overstretch: it’s like the medication, you take a big dose and a Herx reaction is sure to follow, so build up to it slowly:), I love the smooth movements and the calming music (neuro damage is very often present in people who fight Lyme disease and overstimulating the senses is often very unpleasant, to say the least).

For all out there who are fighting these nasty diseases and live in pain why too much, if you can, yoga is a pleasant possibility of exercise. Mostly, I wish you the best of health so you can choose for yourself what type of exercise you want to do- no matter how strenuous.

Have a blessed new year full of hope and laughter, both are great medicine for the soul.

God Bless:)

 

 

Mercury dental fillings and chronic autoimmune disease

Is there a connection? The dentistry industry and western medicine doctors will tell you; no, there is not. However, they don’t have any answers to idiopathic diseases such as: CFS, Fibromyalgia, MS, Alzheimer’s, or the “fake” chronic Lyme Disease, to name a few.  They claim symptoms of CFS and Fybromyalgia to be part of a mental problem in the patient built up from a desperate need of attention -as if the patient wants to feel as horrible as they do, around the clock mind you, while isolated from the very community they once were part of. And all this done by choice. I would tell them today -to the ignorant doctors- as I tolled them in the past when they had the nerve to respond to a medical complaint in such a cold manner: if I want attention all I have to do is throw myself a great big party and invite all my friends. That would be an expense well worth it, instead of paying you to tell me that I may be crazy. You simply have no idea what’s wrong with me.

There are many articles and personal testimonies written by regular people (all over the internet) proving otherwise. These people have noticed a major change in their overall health after removing amalgam fillings (which have a 45-55% of mercury) out of their mouths. That can’t be just coincidence. Why are dentists trained to handle and dispense the amalgam materials as bio-hazardous material, if it was safe? And the government deems it fine in our mouths, close to our brains and our central nervous system. What would be the damage there, right?

Tomorrow I have another dentist appointment. After tomorrow I’ll be mercury free -as far as my teeth fillings go- in twenty something years. After I had four mercury fillings removed, all at the same time, about two months ago, I noticed, within hours the following: an extremely high amount of deja-vu’s and flash backs to my life back in Romania (and life before the mercury fillings, fillings which I received shortly after my arrival in United States). I felt as if air began moving in my head, predominantly in my left side (where I had four top fillings and two bottom fillings removed). Maybe some of you will think: well, Carmen that could be just you “feeling” a certain way based on some information you read. Well, within hours, I ran (even if for a minute or so- you must remember my muscles have been in a state of distrophy for almost four years now) after Alex, my youngest, while playing in a park close by our apartment. That has not happened in years! What I found interesting, was the instinct that kicked in to run and the body did so without thinking. I could not do that before, since I was in a fog like state around the clock. The periferral shadows that kept me in a constant jumpy state, disappeared. I haven’t seen them since. The fogged mind decreased 70% and my overall energy increased dramatically, to a point where I began to play tennis with my family-even if it was for ten minutes and it took a feverish week of recovery after that- but my body hasn’t experienced that kind of exercise in four years. I did have to go through the detox process, intensified by the extreme heat of this summer and continual fight of Lyme, Bartonella and Babesia flare-ups.

I do not pretend to tell you it was easy- it was not- but it was necessary and finally my immune system was strong enough to endure such a long ordeal (I began the dental work in spring).

Have I noticed a difference? Absolutely. Has my family noticed a difference? Absolutely. Am I 100% better? No. As much as I tell myself that I’m totally cured -an emotional and mental strategy of believing even if I’m not feeling 100% yet- it’s a much better approach toward my views of life than the pathetic advise of some of the doctors I’ve seen (all western medicine practitioners); You’re one of those unfortunate cases and you’ll have to just accept your new reality. The hell with that. I have another reality I keep telling them: I’ll be the 1% case to fully recover, you’ll see. And I walk away with a new battle strategy in my head. Our bodies can heal themselves if given the right info and opportunity. And that’s all there is to it- at least as far as I’m concerned. Will I die one day? Of course I will- unless I find out that I’m actually Wonder Woman. But should that keep me from fighting? I think not.

For all of you who hurt and battle, constantly, such horrible pain but are subjected to the lame medical excuses and remarks such as; I don’t see anything wrong with you (as if all the medical mysteries have been discovered already and they have all the answers), you fight back and tell yourself: I’ll be the 1% to fully recover! It is not easy, especially emotionally. When I saw myself so very ill and limited, without medical answers I had doubts too. It’s a very intense battle to not let go and let be, and most days feels like you’re stuck in a hopeless whirlpool intensified by the doctor’s ignorance and coldness towards you. But… there’s the will to fight and get better too:))))) And with that (and the belief in God, in my case:) you can climb the impossible mountain. Sure it takes effort. Sure it takes persistence. Sure it takes action. But it feels great when the pain subsides and your ghostly body gets up and out of the suffering bed and meets life, one step at the time.

Be the 1% too:)

God bless:)