Seizure

 

 

I hope you get a chance to relax and enjoy this little video I shot and put together for you. Meditate on the things that matter to you, as I also do.

You see last week I had a nasty seizure which threw me back on my progress chart a few degrees, both physically and emotionally. It’s not easy to climb over thoughts such as “not again”, “will I ever”, “I just want to be” etc but giving up its not an option for me since I have too much to lose and would hurt too many people that I love. So I must go on. But getting back up, and moving forward while hurting, having half of my body not functioning as it should and wondering how long will it take until I fully recover is not as easy as you may think. I wish I could be poetic about all this but pain and struggle bring more misery than poetry (unless its some sort of emotional heartbreak and then you should see my muse dance and come up with all sorts of rimes and wisdom:) But for now I try not to fall on my face as I experience dizziness, I try not to walk into walls as my balance seems to be taking a vacation, and I try to smile through the pain all my limbs seemed to join in. I am weak and strong, frail and tough, happy and sad.

What caused such a relapse? Accumulation of stress (I like to collect:) Nasty flue which left a frail immune system exposed, taking up nursing duties as my family laid ill in their beds, work, and the happy visit of my cuz. But the body can’t recognize happy stress from bad stress, just files all that info in the “STRESS” file of my life while smiling knowing what’s to come. But I drove downtown! Took my cuz and my daughter to the Seattle Space Needle and other places and I’m sure inside my head there was a small voice protesting to all the exitement…which I clearly ignored. Did I learn my lesson? Depends on which side of the lesson you are. I would say, yes, then explain. I’ve learned that I have the strength to drive downtown (even if for a day every few months:) I’ve learned that my body is getting strong and able to handle more fun, I learned that relapses do happen and not to focus on them, I learned I’m fun again! Even if in a small increment at the time:) Did I learn my lesson? You be the judge, but I no matter what you decide I smile the whole way because I DROVE DOWNTOWN SEATTLE AND HAD FUN WITH MY CUZ AND DAUGHTER ON TOP OF THE SPACE NEEDLE, and that to me is priceless and worth every muscle twitch and pain;) I would do it all over again the same way, no regrets. Now go have a good time living life in whichever increments of strength you can muster, and when herxing (for my Lyme warriors or all with any autoimmune troubles:) smile because you got to the herxing reaction by living life and in the end you had a say, a choice, not the stupid illness that’s trying to kill us:)

God Bless:)

My gratitude towards you explained.

I asked myself today: why the urge, lately, to write about people that made a positive impact in my life?

It’s not a sudden urge. I’ve had these emotions accompanied by fond memories deep within myself for a very long time but I never acted on them. It seems the deeper I care about a person the harder it is for me to express it. Is it a flaw? A weakness? An oddity? Or am I simply a normal human being. Upon reflection, I’ve gathered that is far easier for us humans to express anger, displeasure, and critic of others to their face (even easier behind their backs) than give them an honest compliment. And if any measure of a compliment holds an element of insincerity it shatters something within us, it shatters our trust, and without trust, a real friendship can’t exist.

Only when I became ill, and I myself received encouragements did I realize how valuable spoken support really is to a human mind, soul and spirit and I thought to myself: I may die soon and they’ll never know how much they mean to me! Unless I tell them.

So what was once buried deep within my heart is slowly but surely making its way to the surface. This may be a cheese way to express such gratitude and at times love, but what can I say? Progress and change enter the world one step at the time. The important aspect is that arrives sooner rather than later, right? So, don’t lose heart if your name hasn’t popped up on my blog just yet, it’s coming:)

God Bless:)

Finally:))))))

I hate Mercy Me’s song “I can only imagine”, oh my gosh I can’t stand that song!!!! I may be stepping on some toes here but I’m sure that every single one of you has at least one song which you hate passionately, even if that song is from a Christian genre. Mine is “I can only imagine”, it scrapes my brains with static noise and makes me want to scream in pain.

Christian genre has a tendency to put a sad twist to most songs (even if they have an encouraging message) unless you’re Toby Mac or Mandisa;) Which begs the questions: Are all the Christians in this world miserable? Christians don’t love to dance and have a good time celebrating life? I know that’s not true, but if you were to judge the christian faith by the songs alone you would think that God is the saddest aspect of life, void of fun, a sense of humor and good taste.

There is a time to grieve, a time to encourage, a time to be a shoulder for someone to cry on and there’s a time to simply celebrate!!!!!! To jump up and dance because life is good, not perfect and definitely not void of challenges, but good none-the-less. So here’s a song I can finally get up and dance and thank God for my life, despite the fact that I have an infection that’s scrambling my brain in a galactic amount of pain. However when I listen to these types of songs I smile, I laugh and I keep on telling myself: It’s just pain, Carmen, not the end of the world, just pain.

Hope you enjoy this particular song as much as I am and have a great time dancing through or despite the challenges in your life because life is good:)

God Bless:)

Cristi’s gang

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We’ve met Christi, zillion years ago. I had a garage sale back in the days when material possessions filled a hole of misguided self-esteem, my children kissed my cheeks with butterfly kisses while circling their small tender arms around my neck, and a stranger on a motorcycle stopped by to take a look. His charismatic personality took charge of the conversation and soon we found out a commonality amongst us, we were both Romanian-Americans and lived only five minutes apart.

Throughout the years we stayed close, mostly due to Christi’s great communication skills, something both Chet and I need to work on and together we have seen good times, laughter, hard times, surgery, loss, cancer, and then some more good times. His wife, Irina, is a hard-working woman with the cutest dimples I’ve ever seen:) His daughters are great and his mom is a very intelligent woman with fantastic stories to tell.

Saturday we celebrated his 59th B-day, a celebration done amongst close friends and family members, good people with hard working ethics, smart and caring. Being amongst them fills my heart with warmth and love every time and I am grateful for their friendship. Chet, who has a high regard for all our Romanian friends, loves his relationship with Christi even if his sense of humor makes Chet blush at times.

Christi’s plans for his 60th B-day are big, bright and full of life, as he is. He’s always had great stories of communism harassment, time spent in Africa under his father’s guidance exploring archeological settings, coming to America, legal risks he took in this new land of opportunities, successes, and failures but mostly a long life lived well. I love listening to those stories, I love seeing his adventurous spirit carve unpredictable new roads in his life.

I look forward to seeing what the future holds for both Christi and his wife, Irina, but of one thing I’m sure of -it will not be boring.

God Bless.

44 Years Old:)

Today I’m 44 years old and couldn’t be happier:)

I’ve received so many beautiful words from all of you, words that have moved my heart to a very happy state and I thank God for all of you in my life. Life is good:) I smile, I feel well today, I am getting stronger and healthier every day:)

Happy B-day to everyone else born on March 14th, like my niece Carmen and Pastor Hada:)

What a wonderful day today is:) Thank you God:)

God Bless:)

Our small gang:)

I’m sorry, it has been a while since my last post. IMG_0397I have been quite involved with life in a fantastically good way.

First of all, my book is going to come out in the Romanian version soon, and I have been working with couple printing and distribution companies back home. We’ve summited the cover page just last week, designed by Chet and Meleah, and its due to come out on the market back in Romania in the coming weeks. I’ll put a link on the blog once I have one to share with you, for those who read Romanian and would love to purchase a copy:)

Yesterday I finished my 24-hour CE (Continual education) required for renewing my massage therapist license and I want to do more research into the wonderful sources and discoveries linking the autoimmune and trauma to illness and chronic illness.

I’m working on my second novel, a true story of my brother Sergiu’s life and his road to a better life.

Today, my friends came over to visit and wish me an early Happy B-day:) The fact that we were, once again, around the table, eating and chatting about our lives was fantastic. Gosh, I’ve missed them and our times together. There’s nothing more beautiful than good friends around a table full of good food, good conversation, and love.

Yes, Nicole, I am writing from my corner desk in my bedroom with the nice view of the park on one side and the trees on the other side, and its a wonderful privilege I’ve dreamed of since I was 8 years old.

May life be full of good friends, good conversations, and good food on our tables. But when it’s not -those stages of life no one dreams of going through- may you and I hold on to the great memories built throughout the good times.

Now go make good memories, laugh harder and surround yourself with as much love as you can possibly handle, and if you’re at a stage in life where true love is a figment of your imagination and reality sucks, hold on to the hope that one day it will change, but don’t forget to be grateful for it when it does change.

God Bless.

 

New Apartment

Yes, we’re in contract process to purchase an apartment ten minutes away. I dread the moving process- as most people do- but I look forward to a place of our own and a smaller monthly payment than our current rent.

This move brought back some nice memories:)

In 2016, before putting our house in Auburn on the market, we had to make some improvements. One of those improvements was painting this very long fence along our driveway, an eye sore to any potential buyer. So our friends and their boys came ready for battle. It took about 6 or 7, one gallon paint cans to get the job done -this includes the thinning we had to do to make it go a long way. And after hours of hard work- we were trying to stay ahead of the predicted rain- it began sprinkling.

“Turbo style, everyone!” Angel shouted and you should’ve seen us go:)

“Re-paint and thin no more.” Was another funny remark -in the sea of funny remarks- and we stopped thinning the pain so the rain would not wash away our hard work.

In the end it turned out great and I will forever be great full for such a fantastic helping hand. They were there too when we moved, stacking our stuff in the U-HAUL truck,

while cracking jokes.

They’ve been good friends, bringing soups when I wasn’t able to cook and helping out anyway they could:) Great memories:)

God Bless:)