Introverts and Extroverts

My orchard (my resting place) had a simple wood bench under one tree, and I sat there waiting for God today. He came and looked exactly like the religious images I’ve seen through the years have portrayed him: a young man with a long beard and hair dressed in a long gray rope. He reached out and took my hand. We both got up and before taking one step further he changed into an identical version of myself when I was ten years of age. I was suddenly ten years old as well. Hand in hand we skipped and laughed with the purest touches of laughter and the richest form of happiness.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Why do we need to go somewhere in order to be?” And he/she reminded me of something I once knew: as a child, you go nowhere but you are.  And that’s where happiness, contentment, love in its purest of forms, acceptance of everyone, embracing the new, trusting, eagerness to learn and explore, ability to change mind and will if necessary, lives.

Its as if somewhere is an extrovert rushing on the road to nowhere, passing by be millions of times, blind to the importance of stopping and having a relationship together. Soon the rushing shallows, emties, frustrates, closes somewhere’s mind, making it rigid. Every time somewhere passes an opportunity to be, loses a potential for growth until its very essence is dipleated of health and sickness of the mind, soul and spirit settle.

Be, on the other hand, has time to live, to think, to love and to express the importance of many things. Be slows time down and listens, but needs somewhere once it knows its purpuse. Be is an introvert.

Be and somewhere are better together than apart, and our western culture glorifies somewhere while marginalizing be. It’s a big imbalance which leads to all sorts of pain and loss. They’re equally important.

For those who read this and are a bit uncomfortable with the phrasing (may seem new-age to you), God wants you to be at ease and gives you evidence in the Bible for what I’ve written above.

Psalm 46:10; Exodus 14:14; Psalm 62:5; Proverbs 8:34; Luke 24:2; these are only a few of the many Bible verses that go along to what he showed me. I understand its a new point of approach but we both know God speaks in many ways to all of us. That’s the beauty of it all.

God Bless:)

The Resting Place of Your Soul

“You who want peace can find it only by complete forgiveness.” Helen Schucman, A Course in Miracles
Miracles   |   

“Peace cannot be achieved through violence; it can only be attained through understanding.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Inspirational Quotes   |   

“The freest people in the world are those who have senses of inner peace about themselves: They simply refuse to be swayed by the whims of others, and are quietly effective at running their own lives.” Wayne Dyer,

In front of me stood a memory of long ago- an orchard- and in the inner quietness of my still body and mind, I began to tear up. The trees were past the blooming season, and its fruits, far to early to eat, were a great promise of what was to come. The orchard belonged to a female classmate’s parents, back in Romania, and at the tender age of thirteen, I had no idea this image would come back to me years later to teach me a lesson, a good lesson.

“What does it mean, God?”

“What does it mean to you, Carmen?” So I thought some more, this time letting my heart speak to me.

“Resting point. But why am I crying from a memory so very beautiful?”

“Because of its significance.”

“Which is?”

The silence meant I had to figure that one out.


“And do you have it?”

“Mostly, I do.”


“No, not today.”

There are some inner changes happening in my soul, good changes, but as most of you know change brings along a certain mix of emotions, none need to be frightening.

I’ve never denied my love for God, but I’ve denied church and religion, especially lately. After all, I met people in church willing to hurt me and my family, some in the name of God, most in the name of self-satisfaction and egotistical needs. I’m sure you have met some yourself. But I wonder how many times I too was placed in those categories by another? But this is a subject for another post, another day.

My need, a healthy one, to form relationships with people and attend a church comes from a want to heal. Isolation, even from a medical point of view and scientifical evidence is not healthy. I’ve had a fantastic support group when I was too weak to go anywhere but now that I can, I want to find a church and hopefully grow in a healthy way, not a religious way.

I’ve prayed and meditated, I’ve listened to a sermon done by Rick Warren called “the Battle of the Mind” and a podcast called “You Listen to you” by Rob Bell (considered by some religious folks a heathen). To me, Rob Bell is a very intelligent human being with some amazing answers or explanations to some of the questions I’ve carried in my heart for many years.

Two styles of thinking and speaking: the first one, although intelligently put, left a trace of guilt (not conviction) behind, the second one left a trace of hope and goodwill. First one spoke in the familiar language of the church the second one in a new and upcoming style. I got some answers to the inner struggle but not a complete picture and I’m fine with that. It’s my search, thus my effort.

But back to the orchard; to me signifies peace and rest, a season I had to be in these past four years in order to heal, but in this season I’ve learned more than any season of health and busyness taught me, and I do confirm: we can hear God better in the stillness of self, in the intimacy of time, space, and effort.

What is your resting place? I don’t like telling people what to do, I figure everyone already knows what they want to do and their actions prove it, but as a gentle advise I can tell you one thing that seems to be valuable; we all need a resting place and we all need to visit this place often.

I’ve been able to forgive (and mean it) my parents finally, after 40 years of struggle and pain and I’m at peace. I trust God more than ever now, for that, I’m at peace. I’m very thankful for my life, for that I’m at peace. Don’t confuse temporary irritations and frustrations that come and go from living this life, I go through them, I feel them fully, I react to them, but I forgive and move on because I want to be healthy.

I sincerely want you to be at peace in the midsts of your life, even if it’s not functioning as you dreamed of, hoped for or envisioned it would. May God’s peace be upon you and your family, within you and your family and all around you like a healing oitment.

God Bless.









La urgenta iara-si

Din pacate am ajuns la urgenta iara-si ieri, cu atac de apoplexie si dupa ce mi-au dat un tratament intravenous mi-a revenit pronuntarea corecta a vorbirii si ochii sau putut concentra iara-si. Durerile severe pelviane, ma-u trezit la 4 dimineata si de acolo am intrat in atac de apoplexie. Acuma sunt okay, slabita dar bine, multumesc Bunului Dumnezeu pentru asta.

Fratele meu, Sergiu a avut operatie, si m-as bucura de suport in rugaciune pentru el:)

Si o sora de-a mea are probleme cu microcitemie si toate rugaciunile vor fi bine primite.


Domnul cu noi toti.

ER Trip

I know, I know, I’m getting tired of these ER trips as well, but yesterday, March 25th, that’s where I ended up again after I was woken up at 4 am with severe pelvic pain.

An hour and a half later we were in the ER where the seizure medication I was given intravenously helped me regain my speech (slurped speak, among other symptoms- if interested the home page has the details) and visual focus.

I’m extremely grateful I’m alive and we keep on going with all the good, bad, and everything in between. Chet was amazing, yet again, through the whole ordeal, since I couldn’t talk really well and mostly out of it.  I pray that God will give him health and strength forever. My son Merrill, who was visiting us came along as well, and I hope he wasn’t too freaked out seeing his mother seizing like that. But he’s a strong young man and I’m so very grateful to God for my entire family. People are what matters in this world, not material things. People.

God Bless.


Cancer society

Why some of us get really sick despite a good healthy diet & exercise? Why so many autoimmune illnesses in our world today, especially in a western economy?

While what I’m about to write is a partial response to the previous questions, it’s important none-the-less.

Chronic Inflammation is a killer. As most of us have realized by now, hopefully, the western medical system is set in place to manage diseases not induce health. Inflammation is combated by our immune system, but an overburdened weak immune system which 60% of its volume and 80% of its work is done in the gut, will fail to do so.

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” -Hippocrates- is not a wack job or hippy expressions as some may think. The modernized mentality of western medicine and society is either intentionally (greed and power, like Monsanto for example), or through ignorance (we can all fall into this category) killing us. I believe in this regard the older generations can teach us so many great things. Farming (non-GMO, non-toxic), gardening and a healthy relationship with each other and this earth of ours is a far better approach to life than isolation ignited by the computerized devices we’ve become addicted to.

I’m a faith believer (I don’t call myself a Christian) and I do believe in Science, but I don’t believe Science alone is the answer to anything or everything but rather a healthy relationship between these two and human relationships. Same goes for the health of the body. As soon as communication between cells ceases to exist cancer cells form. It’s the isolation which produces cancer since the cell no longer receives information, does not know what its suppose to do and begins losing self-identity. “A cancer cell is the most damaged cell in the body because it is not been able to mobilize repair processes and it’s gotten so isolated that it forgot its part of you.”- Zach Bush M.D. This is one quote from the youtube interview I shared with you at the top of this blog entry. The whole interview is almost two hours long and worth listening to multiple times.

In the midsts of my illness fight, about two years ago, one day as I waited in the car while Chet did our grocery shopping, I watched as an obese young lady shouting angrily at her family ate a hamburger from McDonald’s. From the words coming out of her mouth, the self-entitled attitude she was ill of was extremely evident. I sat there in silence, fighting to breath, white as a ghost thinking: Please be happy. Realize how good life is. Why so angry? Why so miserable? Then a slideshow of flashing images began running in my visual sight and as I watched, surprised while wondering if this was a symptom requiring medical attention, God was trying to help me understand a depth of our life I’ve never considered before. The vivid images showed me a whole process of life, connection, pain, consequences and depth; it began with life at a cellular level than to grass, trees, flowers, animals until it focused on a pig, to the cruel conditions of the pig’s life, it’s pain and fears, the hatered of the workers raising the pig attaching to the pig on a cellular level, to his cruel slaughter, to the cold manner and toxic methods of it’s meat being processed, to the stressed out meat packers working in different stages of emotional battles of their own lives, to the transportation of the meat, and the ignorant and often impatient workers at McDonalds where the meat (by now proccessed multiple times in unatural manners) ended up and to the woman I was now watching eating it. “Think of all the energy, dark or light, good or bad, that entered that hamburger and bacon. She’s not only eating all those people’s anger, hatred, despair etc, who came in contact with the meat but the pig’s pain and fear, the polluted rain it fell on him while caged, and the toxic food he was fed. Every living thing is connected to each other in ways no one imagines, you are more energy than matter, and can you see how it’s all connected?”

I haven’t talked to anyone, except Chet, about this experience due to my own skepticism on such a subject usually heard from the new age community, but in the past ten years, I have been shown some things, similar to this experience that made me ponder on certain things and do lots of research.  My strict and very conservative religious background made me shy away from such thinking, but, in my opinion, God was trying to show me something bigger than religion and old set beliefs. Over the years and with a great deal of personal studying I’m coming to the realization that God is immensely bigger than any religious upbringing and my once fearful questions: “What if the world is not the way I was taught to believe? What if God is bigger than my parents belief? Should I dare consider such a thought?” The answer is -yes. Every generation has great things to teach but we should never stop searching and ask questions.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that cancer is not only a disease of the body but of the society as well. Lack of relationships and social intereaction through isolation is cancerous.

We can change that. Let’s take care of each other and this earth, both people, and the earth were given to us as a gift from God to take care of not abuse it.

God Bless.

Cristi’s gang


We’ve met Christi, zillion years ago. I had a garage sale back in the days when material possessions filled a hole of misguided self-esteem, my children kissed my cheeks with butterfly kisses while circling their small tender arms around my neck, and a stranger on a motorcycle stopped by to take a look. His charismatic personality took charge of the conversation and soon we found out a commonality amongst us, we were both Romanian-Americans and lived only five minutes apart.

Throughout the years we stayed close, mostly due to Christi’s great communication skills, something both Chet and I need to work on and together we have seen good times, laughter, hard times, surgery, loss, cancer, and then some more good times. His wife, Irina, is a hard-working woman with the cutest dimples I’ve ever seen:) His daughters are great and his mom is a very intelligent woman with fantastic stories to tell.

Saturday we celebrated his 59th B-day, a celebration done amongst close friends and family members, good people with hard working ethics, smart and caring. Being amongst them fills my heart with warmth and love every time and I am grateful for their friendship. Chet, who has a high regard for all our Romanian friends, loves his relationship with Christi even if his sense of humor makes Chet blush at times.

Christi’s plans for his 60th B-day are big, bright and full of life, as he is. He’s always had great stories of communism harassment, time spent in Africa under his father’s guidance exploring archeological settings, coming to America, legal risks he took in this new land of opportunities, successes, and failures but mostly a long life lived well. I love listening to those stories, I love seeing his adventurous spirit carve unpredictable new roads in his life.

I look forward to seeing what the future holds for both Christi and his wife, Irina, but of one thing I’m sure of -it will not be boring.

God Bless.

44 de ani

Azi am implinit 44 de ani si viata e tare frumoasa:)

Va multumesc din inima pentru cuvintele frumoase care mi le-ati transmis, imi pun un dans de fericire in suflet si un zimbet enorm atat pe fata cat si in inima:) Viata mea e frumoasa pentru ca va am pe voi, familie si prieteni iubiti:)

La Multi Ani si celorlati nasuti in 14 Martie, eu cunosc numai pe verisoara mea Carmen si Pastorul Hada:)

Va doresc o zi plina de soare si bucurii sufletesti:)


44 Years Old:)

Today I’m 44 years old and couldn’t be happier:)

I’ve received so many beautiful words from all of you, words that have moved my heart to a very happy state and I thank God for all of you in my life. Life is good:) I smile, I feel well today, I am getting stronger and healthier every day:)

Happy B-day to everyone else born on March 14th, like my niece Carmen and Pastor Hada:)

What a wonderful day today is:) Thank you God:)

God Bless:)

Our small gang:)

I’m sorry, it has been a while since my last post. IMG_0397I have been quite involved with life in a fantastically good way.

First of all, my book is going to come out in the Romanian version soon, and I have been working with couple printing and distribution companies back home. We’ve summited the cover page just last week, designed by Chet and Meleah, and its due to come out on the market back in Romania in the coming weeks. I’ll put a link on the blog once I have one to share with you, for those who read Romanian and would love to purchase a copy:)

Yesterday I finished my 24-hour CE (Continual education) required for renewing my massage therapist license and I want to do more research into the wonderful sources and discoveries linking the autoimmune and trauma to illness and chronic illness.

I’m working on my second novel, a true story of my brother Sergiu’s life and his road to a better life.

Today, my friends came over to visit and wish me an early Happy B-day:) The fact that we were, once again, around the table, eating and chatting about our lives was fantastic. Gosh, I’ve missed them and our times together. There’s nothing more beautiful than good friends around a table full of good food, good conversation, and love.

Yes, Nicole, I am writing from my corner desk in my bedroom with the nice view of the park on one side and the trees on the other side, and its a wonderful privilege I’ve dreamed of since I was 8 years old.

May life be full of good friends, good conversations, and good food on our tables. But when it’s not -those stages of life no one dreams of going through- may you and I hold on to the great memories built throughout the good times.

Now go make good memories, laugh harder and surround yourself with as much love as you can possibly handle, and if you’re at a stage in life where true love is a figment of your imagination and reality sucks, hold on to the hope that one day it will change, but don’t forget to be grateful for it when it does change.

God Bless.