There is no discrimination, in suffering

At one point in our lives, we’ll experience pain in some form. When the pain is so unbearable that the only prayer coming out of our lips is “Help me, God!” don’t stress over the fact that it’s not lengthy or theologically rich. In those moments the very help we receive is God himself in the person of the Holy Spirit. This presence can be through a particular person, thought of hope or strength, a book someone was inspired to write just so you can find courage through reading it, etc.  Here’s one of my own experience during one of such unbearable painful moments in the past.

Quote from my future novel.

“Laying in bed was the new activity I reluctantly had to accept, chained down by the mystery of unbearable pain. This pain brought along a certain amount of fear at times. But then there was a level of pain I’ve achieved where nothing but silence reigned, no questions, no reasoning, no fear, only silence. It’s in this horizontal position with a face washed by tears that I saw my bed expend quickly suddenly holding millions upon millions of broken diseased infested (physically or emotionally) humans. Their faces also washed in tears, millions upon millions of tears. People of all ages, from every nation, both genders and from all sorts of belief backgrounds. Holy Ghost in the shape of motherly presents sat, tears in her eyes, next to me ever so gently wiping my brow. I found temporary relief every time she did that and I was very grateful. I was not mad, angry, demanding answers or asking questions, because I saw how much God cared for me and her presence by my side day and night was constant. I don’t feel alone. She didn’t have to say one word for I understood every emotion or thought she exchanged with me. In her eyes, I saw how she mourned every single one of us, not just me, and on the bed of suffering, there wasn’t discrimination. It was equally devastating for her to see our suffering. Her heart was wounded and her face was burdened by our collective suffering, an emotion she felt far deeper than we’ll ever understand. Silent, loyal and everpresent by the side of suffering and pain she sat and wiped our sorrows softly.

I had no strength to finish a fragmented prayer I began, but she did it for me by looking deeply into my soul through my eyes and uttering the most intense pleading prayer without as much as parting her lips. But I could hear it. I didn’t understand the strange language full of color and sounds no human being will ever understand or utter. But I knew this was Trinity’s language and I only heard it from the outside, but there was an inner depth I could not hear or see but somehow know it was there. The language was meant for them that much I understand, on behalf of us, their children, whom at one point or another chose to divide among themselves driven by fear and hate. Our choice. Not theirs. A set of chains called “human will” were wrapped around her hands. Every hateful act against one another added more tears and pain to the bed of suffering which began to groan with a fresh wave of pain affecting all of us and her. I looked into her eyes but she didn’t hate us for hurting her. She loved us. Because we were her children.”

I felt the need to add this fragment now before the book is being done (maybe in a couple of years), because some of us may need to read this today.

God Bless:)

Living Proof-MS Hope

http://www.mshope.com/

https://www.seelivingproof.com/

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6604174/

I’ve watched this documentary a couple of days ago while in sickation (sick vacation) on MS, knowing people who struggle with this disease, and I strongly recommended to all MS patients out in the world.

About a month ago, unbeknownst to me I began eating a vegan product (fake bacon) and loving it. I would make sandwiches with it and top it with pepperoncini, lettuce, cucumbers, and vegan cheese and smile all the way to the last bite. Then I began feeling some of the old symptoms creeping up, symptoms such as severe fatigue, foggy memory, walking into things, nausea, fever, dropping things all the time, to name a few. Relapse or Lyme-flare was my diagnosis and began treatment right away. It would work until it wouldn’t. I upped the dose and went around the same circle. I would get better only to get worse. What in the world was happening? My joints hurt so bad, especially my hips, I was having a very hard time walking. Meanwhile, I was happily eating my vegan bacon sandwiches. About one week ago, as I was getting ready to make yet another sandwich Chet read the ingredients, for his own reasons, and exclaimed.

“Carmen, did you know this bacon has gluten? Sugar, water and gluten in concentrated form?” My brain was too foggy to process the info I was just receiving and it took me a good while before the truth absorbed between the smoky creases of my brain and into the information center where it could be processed before a response was delivered.

“What?”

“You’ve been on a gluten feast for a month!” He exclaimed in response as we both began laughing. Such privilege yet no recognition.

Well, my vegan sandwich days came to an abrupt halt. It will take a good while until this intake of gluten will be out of my system, meanwhile, I learned a few more lessons.

  1. I’ll stick to real bacon and leave the vegan diet for Chet (who’s been a vegan for the past two years now).
  2. This gluten intolerance issue is not in my head, it’s not a mental/emotional issue I came up with and just need to snap out of it, it’s real and there’s a reason why. This second point goes along with some of the information in the Living Proof MS hope documentary done by Matt Embry who was diagnosed with MS about twenty years back and fights it different ways but mostly through diet, exercise and supplements like Vit. D. Diet is the evil of most diseases and the medicine for all cures.
  3. Read and inform yourself well, without assuming, like I did, that a vegan product automatically means a gluten-free product.
  4. I balanced back quite fast once I stopped the gluten, which tells me my body and mind are serious about getting better:)))) But, I got the flue, along with every single member of my family except Alex. They’ve been in bed for a whole week before showing any signs of life. Today is Chet’s first day back to work after an entire week spent on a horizontal sickation.
  5. Grateful. There’s always a solution for every problem, just read the fine print:)
  6. P.S The words look a little funny to me so any grammatical or expressive mistakes are due to my gluten feast. God Bless:)

Snowpocalypse in Seattle:)

It’s about to start:)))) Alberstons in Magnolia was running out of eggs yesterday, and New Seasons in Ballard was full last night. Thousands of dollars were spent yesterday and I’m sure today is a similar scenario. The school is going to close 75 minutes earlier and since we live on a hill, a shady hill still hosting slippery and snowy patches, Chet’s planning to come home early… if it gets bad out there that is. Thus we prepared. If the weather suddenly decides to remain sunny, warm and void of snow, we’re set with food for the upcoming six months:)))) I think it’s hilarious how much agitation is around the snow but it wasn’t funny when I was running out of certain foods the first time it snowed. My daughter is out driving, on her way home and texted us that’s chaos out here already, a stop and go traffic in Magnolia at the Fisherman’s terminal. The construction workers just stopped working and are leaving. I heard them out there laughing about not wanting to get stuck for the whole weekend here:)

I will most likely get cabin fever soon so I’ll have lots of time to write blogs these coming days, cooped up in here. Baking and writing  I guess:))))))

God Bless:)

Rugaciune

Doamne azi iti multumesc ca m-am trezit si pot respira aerul, pot vedea soarele pe cer, pot merge la baie si imi pot simti fiecare parte a corpului.

Doamne iti multumesc ca desi stiu ce inseamna durerea, azi am pauza, si pot incuraja pe altul.

Doamne iti multumesc ca ma pot duce la munca azi, ca pot retine informatiile din jurul meu, ca pot comunica fara episoade de epilepsie.

Dar cel mai adanc sentiment fata de tine e faptul ca ma iubesti, ca existi, si ca esti cu mine chiar daca nu te vad in anumite zile, nu te simt in altele si am indoile de multe ori. Te iubesc pentru cine esti nu pentru ce poti face pentru mine. Cu tine in viata mea nu ma simt singura, si nu ma intereseaza daca altii cred ca-s bolnava mintal pentru ca am o asa credinta.

Doamne continua sa ajuti pe toti copii tai, printre ei sunt si prietenii si familia mea:)

Amin

John and Paulette Stabb

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(In limba Romana la sfarsit)

On Christmas day while on the ferry making our way to my sister-in-law for Christmas dinner we ran into old and excellent friends, in fact, if not for John Stabb and his trips to Romania after the Revolution in 1989, I would’ve never met Chet:) God works through people.

It’s through them that we found out about Summer and Aurel Macsim, his daughter and son-in-law who live in Hunedoara, and that’s how we found out about Aurel’s Glioma tumor diagnosis on December 31, located in the right side of his head. Since he had an operation on January 4th in Timisoara and the recovery road, although good, is long and tiresome. Just like many of you who know them and their situation we kept them in prayers and thank God for brother Aurel, as some of you know him, recovery. I believe tomorrow he’ll be transferred back to the hospital from Hunedoara.

For some, the recovery is short of a miracle while for others may take time, but if we have faith and believe we don’t go through the suffering alone. God is on our side. Caringbridge.com (aurelmacsim) has regular updates done by Summer, his wife.

We continue to pray for Aurel and Summer through the recovery process and thank God for their well-being.

 

 

În drum spre cumnata mea în ziua de Crăciun ne-am întâlnit cu niște prieteni dragi pe care nu-i mai văzuse-m de mulți ani.

După Revoluția din 1989, John și Paulette Stabb au bătut pământul românesc mulți ani de zile ca misionari, aducând biblii și propovăduind evanghelia. Prin John l-am întâlnit pe Chet 🙂 Dumnezeu lucrează prin oameni.

Stând la povești am aflat că Summer, fata lor, este căsătorită cu un băiat din Hunedoara, Aurel Macsim și împreună au adoptat o fată. Pe 1 Ianuarie anul ăsta Aurel a fost diagnosticat cu o tumoare la cap. Operația a avut loc pe 4 Ianuarie în Timișoara și drumul de recuperare, deși bun, este lung și obositor.

Ca mulți din voi care-i cunoașteți și cunoaște-ți situația lor, i-am păstrat în rugăciuni și mulțumim lui Dumnezeu pentru succesul operației. Cred că mâine va fi transferat înapoi la Hunedoara. Operația, în general, este scurtă în comparație cu procesul, de multe ori descurajator, al recuperării. Dar victoria este a lui Dumnezeu și spre slava lui Dumnezeu. Amin.

Pentru mulți care suferă recuperarea poate veni sub formă de miracol, pentru majoritatea din noi timpul suferinței se prelinge dar dacă avem credință nu vom trece niciodată prin suferință singuri. Dumnezeu este de partea noastră.

Caringbridge.com (aurelmacsim) are actualizări făcute de Summer, soția sa.

Continuăm să ne rugăm pentru Aurel și familia lui, pentru procesul de recuperare și mulțumim lui Dumnezeu pentru bunăstarea lor.

Psalmul 23 este și va rămâne pentru mine un capitol special din Biblie care mi-a adus mângăiere în timpul suferinței. Vi-l recomand:)

Dumnezeu să vă binecuvinteze pe fiecare în parte. Amin.

ME/CFS or Conversion Disorder speech on Ted Talk

ME or Myalgic Encephalopathy, also known as CFS or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Conversion Disorder. 

It’s surprising how about 99% of her symptoms I dealt with and some which remain still deal with. The good news is that I feel soooo much better, despite the mild relapse the past month where I couldn’t touch my chin to my chest due to stiffness and intense pain in the back of my neck and fatigue unusually higher than usual. I’m back on Lyme 2 a tincture that helps calm down the symptoms. I still have a very stiff back neck that crunches all the time I touch but I am so grateful for life in general that I move along:) I have a part-time job now; two hours two times a week cleaning a house, and I’m so happy and proud of myself to be a working woman again. I have deep anxiety before I have to leave, but I take Neurocalm which helps me and this week I’ve just begun drinking Sarsaparilla organic tea which gives me quite a bit of energy and calms my central nervous system as well. Amazon has a brand I use called Buddha Teas, but there are other brands out there to choose from.

For all fellow Lyme Disease, ME, CFS, Conversion Disorder, Cancer and other Autoimmune Issues too many to name, I honestly pray for your complete health or at least bearable symptoms. The cure is out there, we haven’t found it yet. Meanwhile, keep fighting, keep researching and do whatever it takes to heal yourself because if we are to wait for western medicine to do it for us we’d all be dead by now. Maybe one day they’ll catch up as well because they’re seriously behind in autoimmune disease knowledge.

Merry Christmas to everyone reading this blog and a Happy New Year full of an unexpected improvement in your lives.

God Bless:)

The Spandex Curse

Sunday morning, needing to breathe some fresh air, I stopped at a tiny coffee shop here in Magnolia where they make my favorite decaf latte with almond milk drink.

The coffee shop, located in a deserted looking minuscule strip mall, has a male barista and a barbershop feel. Beside the male barista, a man in his 40s or 50s, two other gentlemen were occupying the small space, one on a stool to my left and another paying for his order.  All three laughing. The laughter and under the breath later on giggles were coming and going like a tidal wave and I smiled, happy to see them having a good time. I ordered my coffee, paid and waited. Picking his own coffee the man by the registered left for few seconds then returned, taking a seat on a stool next to the other, all three still giggling. One of them kindly let me in on the humorous secret.

“He just got caught staring at a guy in spandex.” Another wave of laughter.

“You wonder sometimes if people look in the mirror before they leave their house and think: sure, I look alright!” The other one, who got caught staring, now facing the wall, head bowed low and away from me, as if ashamed by his misfortune, spoke.

‘He’s still recovering.” The first man clarified to me, while everyone else kept laughing, me among them. The victim turned around and continued.

“And he was not in good shape…more laughter…I mean he was fat…in spandex.” The poor guy still looked terrified but what he’d witnessed that day and we joined him in laughter.

“I’ve had few such recoveries myself,” I replied, now holding my coffee.

“Have a good day.” I wished them still giggling and left them behind to their recovery ward and medicine. I love the way men talk. Simple, to the point and always with a touch of humor.

Have a great day:)

God Bless:)