faith

All inclusive

/ Carmen McKnight / 3 Comments

Why the “all inclusive” American political motto does not work for me (unless its a vacation package:).

I grew up in the Eastern European communism era back in the 80′ and early 90′, and have been discriminated against quite vehemently because of my religious beliefs and gender. Coming to America in 1993 was an eye-opening experience on multiple levels. While I loved the idea of being accepted in the new country and among the Americans, I soon learned about this country’s inner prejudices and was shocked. That taught me one thing- prejudice is not a country issue is a human issue. Conforming to American rules and culture it seemed a sensible expectation and I had no issue with it. Why would I? If I didn’t like it all I had to do is go back home, to my own country. It’s not easy to change and conform, it takes time and patience. To this day any reminder of my own culture is a welcoming sight and I am very glad I have friends and family living in America. Being a Christian I attended church right away. While the white church (the only church I attended) failed miserably to love the gay, prostitutes, homeless, black people (not all churches), or anyone else who was different than they were, the church still reached out and took part in many charitable acts of kindness, which impressed me. Sure it was far from perfect, but it was trying.

Moving to the Seattle area, where left thinking predominates and church attendance is at its lowest I’ve learned, and still am learning, many things. The opportunities here are far greater than back south where we used to live, the people are more open-minded… or are they? I find the same close-mindedness towards anyone that thinks differently than they are, especially politically, just like back in the south (Auburn area). The political agendas differ and an “all-inclusive” thinking, which at first sight seems wonderful, is wrapped in a false facade of acceptance. Violence can rise easily if you don’t agree with them, but mostly you’re going to get a passive-aggressive form of action and I find myself walking on eggshells around here because of the frail emotional status of spoiled people that have been babied by their parents far too much. The vibe is of a very narrow-minded individualistic liberal views, which completely contradict the enlightened stigma they give themselves. If you read this and you find yourself getting offended you must ask yourself why? I do the same when I get offended. Don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of nice people here, just don’t get political or religious and all is well.

Why “all-inclusive” move does not work for me? The school system, that’s why. I remember back in my school days being ridiculed and made fun of for being a Christian something oddly I got used to after a while and built an inner determination within, I remember the Jehovah witnesses’s kids always put in the back of the class and made to stand up for hours as a sign of shame, my brother Alin beaten by a teacher until blood poured out of his skin, the same brother locked in dark closets during his kindergarten time for hours at the time, teacher bursting into our apartment without knocking demanding this and that, to give you a couple examples. This was abuse accepted and enforced at the hands of a corrupt and hateful system and its happening here as well. Here, where people take pride in being enlightened and more moral than the nazi or the communists were, yet using similar bullying strategies. One of those strategies is sneaking perversive explicit sexual curriculum in the schools while keeping parents intentionally uninformed. This begins in kindergarten. I’m part of a book club here and I heard with my own ears the proud grandparents sharing with us about the sexual details the teachers talked to the kids in regard to reproductive organs (they put it more explicitly), sexual orientation, and other details. Tell me what is the difference in the brainwashing mechanism between talking faith in schools or this gross stuff? Why would a kindergartener whose main focus in those years is to play need to know about his and other’s sexual parts in such details that could damage them the same way a rapist would? As a parent I have the responsibility to teach my child, when I see fit, about any and all sexual education, the schools have the responsibility of teaching academics. From a medical point of view, this is a form of abuse towards the young minds.

Isn’t this a form of exclusivity thinking, Carmen? you would ask and I would say, this is a form or allowing the individual to choose. The all-inclusive nonsense is a very familiar communistic move, where individual thinking was a threat to the system. In all my 18 years of schooling in a communistic system, I have NEVER accounted the sexual filth the school system pushes nowadays in America (which is strategically placed in there and funded by certain organizations with a certain goal in mind, that research I leave it up to you.) If you think democracy and freedom of speech in this country today is not assaulted you’re gravely mistaken.

Black people should not have to fear for their lives. Only criminals of all colors and nationalities should.

Women should not fear to be abused and ignored. (The extreme feminism is going too far.)

Babies should not be killed. (Adoption facilities should be put in place and education made available.)

Education should be available for all who want to educate themselves.

The law of the land should be respected by anyone who enters this country.

Homeless should be taken care by us.

Mentally ill should be helped (mostly by exposing the Pharmaceutical industry for the lord drugs they are. )

I remember back when my kids began their schooling years and the subject of feelings was pushed more than academics. Well…feelings are an important part, not the most important, however. Why? they constantly change. One day I may feel a certain way only to change my mind in the next minute. Can I build a lasting…anything on such an unstable foundation? And for crying out loud feed our children the best of foods in the school lunch! We parents do care!

I woke up on the wrong side of the planet today and I looked around thinking: My God, how did I get here!

God Bless:)

Divorce

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Some days I feel just like a child who receives something amazing, does not fully understand it but in my excitement needs to run and share it with everyone. Today is one of those days:)

The only thing I remember is a brilliantly beautiful pair of eyes, a mix of blues and greens with touches of diamond sparkly splashes constantly moving in a slow rotating pattern, fully focused on my eyes. The sight was beyond beautiful. Slowly the eyes moved back revealing a stunning face on which feminine futures predominated, but just like the eyes, it was in a constant movement of transition from one look to another. I was looking at one person and a million simultaneously. It was absolutely stunning. The voice that came from another source, somewhere within myself, made me ponder and change my opinion of the being I saw.

“Its name is Divorce,” for she was neither female or male, yet both simultaneously and more than that, a spirit of unknown gender.

‘It changes constantly, never still, never the same.”

Then I woke up, feeling disappointed to learn that such a beautiful presence was in actuality such a destructive force. Divorce, for many, if not all, brings a fantasy realm of a better world than the one they have. Unhappiness starts when one stops looking at what they have and focuses elsewhere. You can divorce yourself from a human being, God, ideas, places. Divorce is the opposite of a constant spirit, the latter a characteristic found of God. What bothers me, is all the destructive and constantly moving ideas in our world  (they existed before our lifetime and will exist long after we die), that promote an inconsistent spirit and bring along the fantasy of a better life. It’s not as black and white this battle between evil and good (stop rolling your eyes, we see this in our movies, books, and real-life on a regular basis). The deception of the ages is factual; evil taking a deceitful form of good in order to destroy. You don’t believe me? Why then do we have murder, deceit, lust, racism, famine, abuse to name a few among us? What does the color of one’s skin have to do with their actual value as a human being? Why are defenseless babies killed? Why are women abused? Why so much hate? Because it looks mesmerizing in the beginning and by the time we realize what we’ve done we are smack in the middle of it all.

Like I said, in the beginning, I wanted to share this dream with you. I’m sure some of you will appreciate the knowledge. It’s a subject that has put me in a meditative state for a few days now. I pray for myself that I will have the wisdom to see beyond deceit, that means I need to learn the truth, a journey I began a while back.

Enjoy the wonderful weather and God Bless:)

 

 

May 5th-Saturday-2018

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Draw your own conclusion after reading this accurate story that took place this year, in Romania, on the outskirts open land of Timisoara city, where one of my brothers wasn’t only witnessing this event but participated in helping this young man.

Saturday, May 5th, 2018, a Bible study group of young couples were celebrating, picnic style, an outing, one of my brother and his family among them. The location, unlike their usual one, was new, a wilderness sort of place. Once everyone arrived, blankets were laid down on the grass filled soon with food. As they enjoyed each other’s company, my brother, and a few others noticed a young man in his early twenties, running at an incredibly fast speed, bare-foot. The speed with which this man ran back and forth was unnervingly fast for any human being. Eventually, the young man approached the group and asked them for something to eat. He received two bananas and one apple which he devoured quickly away from the group. He then returned again asking for more food, receiving a big plate filled with all sorts of B-B-qued meat and such which he ate, this time in the group’s company.

‘What is your name?’ Someone asked.

‘Daniel.’

‘How old are you, Daniel?’

’21’

‘Where do you leave?’

‘In my father’s barn, in the village nearby, but I spend most of my time outdoors in these hills. The villagers don’t want me around because I scare them and the kids.’ The young man was pleasant, polite and intelligent and all seemed well until he mentioned;

‘I have to leave now, the sickness is coming.’ Unsure of what exactly he was referring to the group protested, encouraging him to stay and visit with them longer, which he did, when suddenly he fell to the ground in a seizure spasm, foaming at the mouth, shaking violently and making odd sounds. The men quickly got up and formed a protective fence between Daniel and their families, encouraging the women and children to back off a few meters.

‘Let’s pray for him.’ My brother spoke up and a few men agreed. All but 6 to 8 men stayed close to Daniel. By now the rest of the group was at a safe distance away watching the small group of men surrounding Daniel reached their hands forward towards Daniel praying, my brother being one of them. He then heard Daniel making sounds no man could make, sounds closer to those of a cornered angry animal while his body bent in an unnatural upside-down frown. Daniel began eating grass, or covering his ears with his palms as the men continued to pray, climbing up a tall tree trunk nearby like a monkey, with the speed of an animal trained to climb trees making it all the way to the top. There were no branches available for the most part of his climb to help him and everyone had one unified wonder “how did he do that?” The men kept on praying, using Jesus’s name to free Daniel of whatever dark spirit who clearly possessed this young boy’s body, watching as he climbed down with the same speed, making sounds that would make anybody’s hair stand up straight on their back. Daniel then jumped straight up, again too high for any human abilities and landed on his back hard against a tree stump. There were far more such details I don’t seem to recollect at the moment from our phone conversation but eventually, Daniel relaxed and came to his senses, looking around as if looking for someone in particular.

“I don’t see the priestess dressed in black with her split tongue anymore.” He explained happily, followed by “My head no longer hurts, only my back a little.” His back pain was a result of him being dropped on the tree trunk earlier.

“I’m so happy you guys came here, I feel so happy with you guys,” Daniel spoke with the most sane and pleasant expression on his face, as everyone watched him still trying to grasp the details they all saw and heard, thanking God in the end for such a positive result.

‘It’s God who helped you Daniel, not us.” Someone spoke.

“Yes, thank you, God!” Soon Daniel relaid how at one point earlier in his life he got baptized but walked way from God, confessing, “What’s inside me…only through prayer and fasting can be eliminated.”

“You should join the local church and return to God.” My brother spoke looking into the same eyes of a young man who only a few minutes ago had the look of madness. Even though the picnic atmosphere was disrupted and now a wave of tension one feels when witnessing such encounters lingered in everyone, they all agreed that the unusual wilderness they all ended up choosing was intentionally picked by God himself to save this young man’s soul and life.

I’m sure some of you are encouraged by this story, while others may be frightened and full of all sorts of explanations, but this really happened not even two full weeks ago and I heard it from my brother’s own mouth in a recent phone conversation, just last week. I for one am encouraged, even though a bit uneasy by the details.

God Bless:)

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Daniel, after the prayer, free of the dark spirit and happy.

 

Broken no more.

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

We all experience brokenness in ways familiar, unfamiliar and downright surprising, and most of us tend to feel shame when the scars of such an experience start to mark us.

I remember, about six or seven years ago now, one late evening I got a phone call from my siblings back home announcing me that our mother was ill and in the hospital. I was in bed already finishing a Bible study homework due the next morning at the women’s Bible study I used to attend for many years. But as I ended the conversation and began praying, my words were caught mid-sentence, never finishing my prayer because I began to see something God wanted me to see- a reassurance I’ll never forget.

I saw my mother with the help of this vision and I went inside her body and traveled like a small speck of dust within her circulatory system all throughout her body, seeing shadows in places representing illness and a normal light where health existed. In a blink of an eye, a liquid light brilliant like gold and diamond wrapped in thousands of acres of sparkles began moving quickly through her veins, her tissues, ner nervous system and as I watched a whisper spoke: She’ll be alright, don’t worry, the light will cure her. Then it was over and I never worried about her outcome knowing full well she would be fine.

When broken, the light of God moves within you eager to fill the holes and the cracks, creating a piece of art unexpectedly more different than your pre-conceived notions ever expected. If you take an honest look at it, you’ll allow yourself to see the same beauty God’s sees, it may look very different than your pre-conceived notion of beautiful, perfect, put together, normal, secure etc but it does not mean it’s any less radiant… if you just look you may just see its brilliance, and that’s when you’ll be able to really smile with a smile of pure joy and tell yourself…broken no more.

God Bless:)

Do it anyway.

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

How many of us have helped someone who took advantage of your kind heart? I’m sure there are some invisible hands raised, mine including.

Do it anyway, especially those who are ambassadors of Jesus. Showing love, forgiveness, mercy, and patience is not the same as letting others walk all over you, because what you give freely can’t be taken. In the past, I had many discouraging moments and felt much fatigue after people took advantage of my good intentions, but God’s been teaching me to “do it anyway”. In the beginning, I didn’t understand the importance of such advise, and I’m sure I haven’t completely grasped its benefits even today, but I have learned a few things along the way.

  1. When “I did it anyway” by choosing freely (not guilted into, manipulated, or forced) to show love and mercy, since forgiveness was a lesson I would learn it later on in the midsts of the great sadness of 2014-2016 which was the worst part of illness time, what I was really doing was to train my heart, train it to be more flexible, bendable and malleable, positive properties of one’s soul which God can work with. A hard, rigid and bitter heart, shatters when help comes in a form of constructive criticism, conviction or new information.
  2. When “I did it anyway” I made friends and not enemies, memories and not grievances.
  3. When “I did it anyway”, I chose my action but didn’t have to worry if the outcome was not as I expected, that responsibility was not mine to shoulder.
  4. When “I did it anyway”, I taught better lessons to my children.
  5. When “I did it anyway” I became closer to God.
  6.  When “I did it anyway”, even when it was hard, I protected my family’s hearts from anger and bitterness, a poison more deadly than most of us realize.
  7. When “I did it anyway”, without realizing, I collected favors which were returned at the most opportune time,  favors such as your prayers while too weak to fight alone in my own battles, favors like encouraging words when I had no strength left to encourage myself, favors like reminding me the right way when I was too scared and confused to see that way myself, but mostly the favor of life:) So do it anyway and see what happens in the long run. Life will not be void of pain, but it the midst of pain you will not lack friends and love, something far more precious than we realize.  God Bless:)

Introverts and Extroverts

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

My orchard (my resting place) had a simple wood bench under one tree, and I sat there waiting for God today. He came and looked exactly like the religious images I’ve seen through the years have portrayed him: a young man with a long beard and hair dressed in a long gray rope. He reached out and took my hand. We both got up and before taking one step further he changed into an identical version of myself when I was ten years of age. I was suddenly ten years old as well. Hand in hand we skipped and laughed with the purest touches of laughter and the richest form of happiness.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Why do we need to go somewhere in order to be?” And he/she reminded me of something I once knew: as a child, you go nowhere but you are.  And that’s where happiness, contentment, love in its purest of forms, acceptance of everyone, embracing the new, trusting, eagerness to learn and explore, ability to change mind and will if necessary, lives.

Its as if somewhere is an extrovert rushing on the road to nowhere, passing by be millions of times, blind to the importance of stopping and having a relationship together. Soon the rushing shallows, emties, frustrates, closes somewhere’s mind, making it rigid. Every time somewhere passes an opportunity to be, loses a potential for growth until its very essence is dipleated of health and sickness of the mind, soul and spirit settle.

Be, on the other hand, has time to live, to think, to love and to express the importance of many things. Be slows time down and listens, but needs somewhere once it knows its purpuse. Be is an introvert.

Be and somewhere are better together than apart, and our western culture glorifies somewhere while marginalizing be. It’s a big imbalance which leads to all sorts of pain and loss. They’re equally important.

For those who read this and are a bit uncomfortable with the phrasing (may seem new-age to you), God wants you to be at ease and gives you evidence in the Bible for what I’ve written above.

Psalm 46:10; Exodus 14:14; Psalm 62:5; Proverbs 8:34; Luke 24:2; these are only a few of the many Bible verses that go along to what he showed me. I understand its a new point of approach but we both know God speaks in many ways to all of us. That’s the beauty of it all.

God Bless:)

The Resting Place of Your Soul

/ Carmen McKnight / 2 Comments
“You who want peace can find it only by complete forgiveness.” Helen Schucman, A Course in Miracles
Miracles   |   

“Peace cannot be achieved through violence; it can only be attained through understanding.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Inspirational Quotes   |   

“The freest people in the world are those who have senses of inner peace about themselves: They simply refuse to be swayed by the whims of others, and are quietly effective at running their own lives.” Wayne Dyer,

In front of me stood a memory of long ago- an orchard- and in the inner quietness of my still body and mind, I began to tear up. The trees were past the blooming season, and its fruits, far to early to eat, were a great promise of what was to come. The orchard belonged to a female classmate’s parents, back in Romania, and at the tender age of thirteen, I had no idea this image would come back to me years later to teach me a lesson, a good lesson.

“What does it mean, God?”

“What does it mean to you, Carmen?” So I thought some more, this time letting my heart speak to me.

“Resting point. But why am I crying from a memory so very beautiful?”

“Because of its significance.”

“Which is?”

The silence meant I had to figure that one out.

“Rest.”

“And do you have it?”

“Mostly, I do.”

“Today?”

“No, not today.”

There are some inner changes happening in my soul, good changes, but as most of you know change brings along a certain mix of emotions, none need to be frightening.

I’ve never denied my love for God, but I’ve denied church and religion, especially lately. After all, I met people in church willing to hurt me and my family, some in the name of God, most in the name of self-satisfaction and egotistical needs. I’m sure you have met some yourself. But I wonder how many times I too was placed in those categories by another? But this is a subject for another post, another day.

My need, a healthy one, to form relationships with people and attend a church comes from a want to heal. Isolation, even from a medical point of view and scientifical evidence is not healthy. I’ve had a fantastic support group when I was too weak to go anywhere but now that I can, I want to find a church and hopefully grow in a healthy way, not a religious way.

I’ve prayed and meditated, I’ve listened to a sermon done by Rick Warren called “the Battle of the Mind” and a podcast called “You Listen to you” by Rob Bell (considered by some religious folks a heathen). To me, Rob Bell is a very intelligent human being with some amazing answers or explanations to some of the questions I’ve carried in my heart for many years.

Two styles of thinking and speaking: the first one, although intelligently put, left a trace of guilt (not conviction) behind, the second one left a trace of hope and goodwill. First one spoke in the familiar language of the church the second one in a new and upcoming style. I got some answers to the inner struggle but not a complete picture and I’m fine with that. It’s my search, thus my effort.

But back to the orchard; to me signifies peace and rest, a season I had to be in these past four years in order to heal, but in this season I’ve learned more than any season of health and busyness taught me, and I do confirm: we can hear God better in the stillness of self, in the intimacy of time, space, and effort.

What is your resting place? I don’t like telling people what to do, I figure everyone already knows what they want to do and their actions prove it, but as a gentle advise I can tell you one thing that seems to be valuable; we all need a resting place and we all need to visit this place often.

I’ve been able to forgive (and mean it) my parents finally, after 40 years of struggle and pain and I’m at peace. I trust God more than ever now, for that, I’m at peace. I’m very thankful for my life, for that I’m at peace. Don’t confuse temporary irritations and frustrations that come and go from living this life, I go through them, I feel them fully, I react to them, but I forgive and move on because I want to be healthy.

I sincerely want you to be at peace in the midsts of your life, even if it’s not functioning as you dreamed of, hoped for or envisioned it would. May God’s peace be upon you and your family, within you and your family and all around you like a healing oitment.

God Bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ER Trip

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

I know, I know, I’m getting tired of these ER trips as well, but yesterday, March 25th, that’s where I ended up again after I was woken up at 4 am with severe pelvic pain.

An hour and a half later we were in the ER where the seizure medication I was given intravenously helped me regain my speech (slurped speak, among other symptoms- if interested the home page has the details) and visual focus.

I’m extremely grateful I’m alive and we keep on going with all the good, bad, and everything in between. Chet was amazing, yet again, through the whole ordeal, since I couldn’t talk really well and mostly out of it.  I pray that God will give him health and strength forever. My son Merrill, who was visiting us came along as well, and I hope he wasn’t too freaked out seeing his mother seizing like that. But he’s a strong young man and I’m so very grateful to God for my entire family. People are what matters in this world, not material things. People.

God Bless.

 

Protest

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Last weekend the annual women’s protest happened again and besides hatred towards the current president and the right to abort an unborn baby, I’m not quite sure what else are they protesting for, because the last time I checked we still lived in America where women have far more rights than most women combined in other parts of this world.

Personally, the vaginal hats and F*** signs are extremely insulting to me, but don’t worry that does not define me as a woman; my children do, my husband does and other things that have nothing to do with profanity and genital hats.

I’ll tell you a story- my story.

I was born with few health issues.

For one thing, my reproductive organs did not fall into place as they should’ve and my mother was told I would not be able to have children.

My Fontanella (the soft spot between the parietal bones and frontal bone) was bulged out- the doctor said I was going to be a retard or an idiot, in other words neurologically I was going to be slower than the norm. The Fontanella it looked and felt like jello and my mother hardly touched me for the first few months after birth for fear of hurting me further. So I lacked the bonding time, very important and necessary to a healthy development, but life was different back then and information was lacking.

I also had a severe vitamin D deficiency and I began having regular shots of vitamin D right away that lasted a whole year. These were among the issues that were visible right away and the doctor pressured my mother to have me aborted after I was born, worried that my quality of life would be a burden to the medical system and Marxist society in which I was born. I was a defect product and needed to be discarded so I would not become a useless eater. My mother vehemently refused.

“God’s will be done.” She tolled herself accepting the outcome, but if I wasn’t going to recover I was in danger of a “vaccine shot” that was nothing short of a euthanize method. I did recover.

At home, I grew up in pretty harsh poverty, mostly between the age of 5-19. We went many days in “involuntarily fasting” whether we liked it or not, but for that now some of us are rounder than we’d like to be:) God, yes God, took care of us. That is what I choose to believe, despite the skepticism of others.

We also went through physical and emotional trauma, abuse and at times torture methods until the day each and every one of us left home. Emotionally, if we give way the emotional abuse would continue to this very moment, but all of us have chosen peace, so we have departed from the source of the abuse.

So from many people’s modern standards of today, I should’ve been aborted. After all I had too many physical issues putting a burden on the family or society, I was born in extreme poverty (Eastern Europe poverty), and raised in a very abusive family environment. I fit most of the reasons given for an abortion, right?

Yet, I’m thankful for every day on this earth despite its hardships. I thank God every day for his love towards me shown mostly through other people, some of which are reading these words. We see the goodness in others. We see hate in others as well. So choose. I’ve chosen. I stand for life.

I do not judge anyone who had an abortion- I wasn’t in your shoes when you made the decision and it’s not my place to judge what I don’t know. But I do know the fetus is a living being and I’ve always fought for the underdog. Its just part of my character and I will continue to do so.

God Bless.

 

Protest

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Saptamina trecuta a avut loc in America Protestul Anual al Femeilor, si inafara urii adresata impotriva presedintelui prezent in putere si rivna dupa dreptului de a avorta, nu prea inteleg ce tot protesteaza- vor egalitate, dar in America femeile au toate drepturile egale ca si cele a barbatilor, nu ca femeile din partea Arabica a planetei, China, Africa, Europa de Est, India, si alte tari.

 

Va spun o poveste- e a mea.

Cind m-am nascut am avut ceva probleme fizice de sanate si doctorul a dat de subinteles ca nu voi putea avea copii deoarece organele mele de reproducere nu erau cazute la locul potrivit. Fontenela (partea moale a capului) iesea afara intre cele doua oase (parietale) si era foarte transparenta, doctorul a spus ca voi fi idioata (adica cu probleme psihice sau fara o dezvoltare completa a potentialului creierului). Mama nici nu ma lua in brate in primele luni si ma misca foarte putin ca sa nu-mi faca rau, pina la urma usor, usor sa retras dar am suferit in primele luni de atingere fizica. Vitamina D era, de-asemenea imi era redusa in corp si am facut injectii de vit. D regular de la citeva saptamini de viata timp de un an. Ca atare doctorul a sugerat avort dupa nastere. Mama a refuzat categoric, spunindu-si in sine “Faca-se voia lui Dumnezeu.”

Da am intrat in lume cu probleme si votul de a fi ucisa datorita acestor probleme, dar cind ai credinta in Dumnezeu speranta unui miracol este fantastic de puternica.

Am crescut intr-un mediu destul de saracacios, si am dus greva foamei involuntar multe zile, atit eu cit si fratii si surorile mele si pentru asta multumim lui Dumnezeu ca sunte-m bine si prea rotunzi acuma de atita mincare:))) si cu dragostea lui Dumnezeu in suflet. Am fost raniti fizic, agresa-ti si tortura-ti atat fizic cit si emotional, acest abuz a continuat pina am plecat de acasa, fiecare cind a putut, si pentru asta nu folosim acest motiv sa ranim pe altii si nu dorim sa fi fost avortati. Am avut toti cei 12 frati si surori zile negre pe acest pamint, dar… am avut foarte momente pline de o dragoste infinita din partea lui Dumenzeu, atat direct dar de multe ori prin altii (ca de exemplu prin unii care citesc aceste rinduri), sau chiar si prin straini. Dumnezeu ne alina sufletul cind avem nevoie de alinare, si desi inca avem cicatrice sau rani deschise datorita trecutului avem si multa tarie pusa in noi de Dumenzeu. Viata care mi-a dat-o Dumnezeu este plina de momentele fermecatoare a dragostei lui Dumenzeu si a dragostei oamenilor prin care characterul lui Dumenzeu se manifesteaza zilnic.

Nu condamn de loc pe cei care au avut avort- departe de mine acest gind- pentru ca nu am fost in situatia lor cind au facut aceasta decizie, dar stiu ca Dumenzeu iubeste pe toti si iarta profund si non-stop. Dar sint un exemplu al unui caz care in ochii lumii sansele mele ar fi fost mai bune daca as fi fost avortata… nu stiu ce sa zic decit, voi ce crede-ti?

Doamne din tot sufletul iti multumesc de fiecare zi pe acest pamant, ca are mare pret orice secunda:)

Dumnezeu sa va aline durerea azi si-n fiecare zi. Amin.