Not sure who needs to read these words, but here I go.
For the one that’s hurting, with tears of sorrow and discouragement running down your face and heart, from yet another blow life just hit you with:
Picture the outcome you want and in due time it will come to pass. The road will not be void of pain, struggles, and failures, but it will not be void of success, victory, and hope either. You must fight for the outcome you’re picturing and never doubt you’re not strong enough:)
God Bless:)
First picture left to right: Tibi (worried not to get hit), Fanu, Oana, Alex and Iulian:)
Second picture: Iulian
Third picture: my son Alex who looks so much like Iulian:)
Fourth picture: Iulian and his wife, Cornelia, taken a few days ago:)
Born the ninth in the family, Iulian is a sensitive yet strong soul. No matter how many times life has knocked him down, Iuli (short for Iulian), always gets up and walks right back in the middle of it. He’s a fiercely faithful friend 🙂 He’s also the one that looks just like my father and I know that’s not a compliment for Iuli. My son Alex has lots of Iulian resemblances, and I smile often when I look at Alex. Through him I feel like I have a piece of home:) Iuli’s adolescence, hunted by my farther’s angry outbursts, was not an easy one yet he but remained a very faithful son during that period.
After his high-school graduation in Hunedoara, Iuli moved in Arad with Alin and began collage but was forced to quit in the middle of it, due to Alin’s work transfer into Germany. Once Alin left, there was nothing left for Iuli in Arad so he returned in Hunedoara, where he attended, simultaneously, two collages: one for nursing and  the other for management. He graduated from both, but work was scarce in Hunedoara. Unable to find work in either field he spent a lot of time in Vilcele, where my parents had a house. By now my mom lived there round-the-clock, visiting Hunedoara and her children rarely. School kept my siblings in Hunedoara and summer vacation was spent in Vilcele. With his older siblings gone, some of them married while others working in different cities (as far away from home as they could possibly get), and his mother living in Vilcele, Iuli grew up around our father’s presence around while lacking a mother’s warm embrace. I think he spent a lot of time in Vilcele just to be closer to our mother. There he worked daily, doing hard labor around the house and garden until he met Ionel, and older man and the pastor of the local church, and shoulder to shoulder they worked in constructions where he got to know the man better. Quickly, Ionel became a father figure for Iulian. That’s where Iuli found refuge as he listened to the older man’s good advise regarding a healthy spiritual walk and healing his emotionally wounded soul. Ionel became Iuli’s adoptive father and to this day it remains so. Another refuge for Iuli was Adrian Bandila, a brother figure which brought a healthy balance in a shadowy world.
Through a Christian date line, Iulian met Cornelia, a very sweet and naturally beautiful girl. Cornelia lived in London, England with some of her siblings and worked there as well. Iuli left for England, eventually, where he worked in construction a few years but always kept in touch with Ionel and Adrian. Their wedding in Hunedoara was beautiful and Chet and I had the privilege to attend. After the wedding together they moved back in London where Iuli worked in construction a while but the past two years he’s worked as a medical male nurse in one of London’s hospitals, where he’s still employed.. Cornelia works as a preschool teacher.
The past year, both Iuli and Cornelia have gone through some very hard times, but have managed to pull through. Iuli had a nasty kidney stone that put him in an intense painful state and a couple unsuccessful minor operations. Despite it all, he lived life with great humor but it was clear to us that he was in a lot of pain, non-stop. Cornelia lost a lot as well, but that’s a personal matter and we’ll leave it at that.
I’m so very proud of Iulian, who stood tall in the face of so much pain the past few years. Any other person my have broken under such weight, but not Iuli:) Thank you God for the strength you’ve put in Iulian and I’m looking forward to see what’s in store for his future:)
I had my final two pieces of mercury pulled out of my mouth and- emotionally at least- it feels fantastic:)
How about physically? You may ask.
Well, I’m so glad you asked:) It feels like I got dental work done:) One side of my mouth I have a new, mercury free, filling where the old mercury resided these past twenty years. On the other side, I have a small hole in my gum. The process was a bit different. In order to remove the piece of mercury (amalgam filling) lodged directly in my gums these  past twenty years, a laser was used to cut the tissue around and away from the mercury piece. It made it easier for the extraction. Now I have a hole in my gum, but do not worry, it will heal and fill in, in due time. For now, I sit here in my bed hurting and writing to you, unable to eat on either side of my mouth and with medicine on the damaged tissue- a swab of HyperOxy Ozonated Olive Oil- to speed up the recovery time. The numbing medicine is wearing off and I have a huge headache as my gum cries out.
To celebrate a mercury free mouth I stopped and got a hair cut- that I hate. So now, I’m sitting in bed with a headache, a bleeding gum and a bad hair cut;) Who said life was not full of surprises? Truth be tolled, I didn’t much care for my hair style before the cut, so the loss is minimal.
UPDATE: I had to take a 30 minute break from writing this journey entry. The medicine (numbing) wore off very fast leaving behind a woman in so much pain she became delirious at one point and yes, cried like a baby while shakingly opening a bottle of Tylenol, medicine that seemed to take forever kicking in, but at long last, it did.
“Meleah, I’m trying to be a tough cookie here and not cry, but this pain is beyond unbearable and your mother will start crying, like a baby I may add, so don’t panic.” I spoke quickly between breaths of pain and then let it all out. So Alexa played Andrea Bocelli’s mournful songs while I cried my heart out and Meleah kept talking about odd subjects in an effort to keep me distracted. It was both a hilarious and sad sight and we both laughed and I cried, realizing just what a great memory this is going to make one day:) Now both Alex and Meleah are cooking dinner-spaghetti night- while I write this blog.
I’ll let you know how things progress, but I predict all will be well:)
Mercury free!!! Worth all the pain I endured:) No regrets here:)
God bless:)
Is there a connection? The dentistry industry and western medicine doctors will tell you; no, there is not. However, they don’t have any answers to idiopathic diseases such as: CFS, Fibromyalgia, MS, Alzheimer’s, or the “fake” chronic Lyme Disease, to name a few. Â They claim symptoms of CFS and Fybromyalgia to be part of a mental problem in the patient built up from a desperate need of attention -as if the patient wants to feel as horrible as they do, around the clock mind you, while isolated from the very community they once were part of. And all this done by choice. I would tell them today -to the ignorant doctors- as I tolled them in the past when they had the nerve to respond to a medical complaint in such a cold manner: if I want attention all I have to do is throw myself a great big party and invite all my friends. That would be an expense well worth it, instead of paying you to tell me that I may be crazy. You simply have no idea what’s wrong with me.
There are many articles and personal testimonies written by regular people (all over the internet) proving otherwise. These people have noticed a major change in their overall health after removing amalgam fillings (which have a 45-55% of mercury) out of their mouths. That can’t be just coincidence. Why are dentists trained to handle and dispense the amalgam materials as bio-hazardous material, if it was safe? And the government deems it fine in our mouths, close to our brains and our central nervous system. What would be the damage there, right?
Tomorrow I have another dentist appointment. After tomorrow I’ll be mercury free -as far as my teeth fillings go- in twenty something years. After I had four mercury fillings removed, all at the same time, about two months ago, I noticed, within hours the following: an extremely high amount of deja-vu’s and flash backs to my life back in Romania (and life before the mercury fillings, fillings which I received shortly after my arrival in United States). I felt as if air began moving in my head, predominantly in my left side (where I had four top fillings and two bottom fillings removed). Maybe some of you will think: well, Carmen that could be just you “feeling” a certain way based on some information you read. Well, within hours, I ran (even if for a minute or so- you must remember my muscles have been in a state of distrophy for almost four years now) after Alex, my youngest, while playing in a park close by our apartment. That has not happened in years! What I found interesting, was the instinct that kicked in to run and the body did so without thinking. I could not do that before, since I was in a fog like state around the clock. The periferral shadows that kept me in a constant jumpy state, disappeared. I haven’t seen them since. The fogged mind decreased 70% and my overall energy increased dramatically, to a point where I began to play tennis with my family-even if it was for ten minutes and it took a feverish week of recovery after that- but my body hasn’t experienced that kind of exercise in four years. I did have to go through the detox process, intensified by the extreme heat of this summer and continual fight of Lyme, Bartonella and Babesia flare-ups.
I do not pretend to tell you it was easy- it was not- but it was necessary and finally my immune system was strong enough to endure such a long ordeal (I began the dental work in spring).
Have I noticed a difference? Absolutely. Has my family noticed a difference? Absolutely. Am I 100% better? No. As much as I tell myself that I’m totally cured -an emotional and mental strategy of believing even if I’m not feeling 100% yet- it’s a much better approach toward my views of life than the pathetic advise of some of the doctors I’ve seen (all western medicine practitioners); You’re one of those unfortunate cases and you’ll have to just accept your new reality. The hell with that. I have another reality I keep telling them: I’ll be the 1% case to fully recover, you’ll see. And I walk away with a new battle strategy in my head. Our bodies can heal themselves if given the right info and opportunity. And that’s all there is to it- at least as far as I’m concerned. Will I die one day? Of course I will- unless I find out that I’m actually Wonder Woman. But should that keep me from fighting? I think not.
For all of you who hurt and battle, constantly, such horrible pain but are subjected to the lame medical excuses and remarks such as; I don’t see anything wrong with you (as if all the medical mysteries have been discovered already and they have all the answers), you fight back and tell yourself: I’ll be the 1% to fully recover! It is not easy, especially emotionally. When I saw myself so very ill and limited, without medical answers I had doubts too. It’s a very intense battle to not let go and let be, and most days feels like you’re stuck in a hopeless whirlpool intensified by the doctor’s ignorance and coldness towards you. But… there’s the will to fight and get better too:))))) And with that (and the belief in God, in my case:) you can climb the impossible mountain. Sure it takes effort. Sure it takes persistence. Sure it takes action. But it feels great when the pain subsides and your ghostly body gets up and out of the suffering bed and meets life, one step at the time.
Be the 1% too:)
God bless:)
“You’re possessed by demons!” The critical eyes on the other side of this accusation always turned out to be trouble makers within the Christian circle with a very poor example of their own personal lives. Despite me being aware of that obvious fact, I blinked, taken a back by such a bold insult packaged as a statement. My heart got hit, yet again. Can it be true? The doubt sneaked in inevitably.
Why does this particular accusation bothers me- besides the obvious reason; who wants to be tolled they have demons?- and creates such unease within my soul? I’ve meditated on these words many times while asking God for his advise.
Conclusion: While growing up, my siblings and I were called “devil’s children” or “piu de drac” in the Romanian language, regularly. Our role- according to our accuser- was to torment him. That wasn’t very nice and I’ve tried to break away from such a stigma for years. I’ve succeeded only recently, right after God tolled me to look at the evidence- an evidence between how God treated me during the course of my life versus my accuser. The evidence speaks for itself and I no longer need to worry about a lie, passed around with such ease while leaving behind such damage.
Let me ask you this: What person full of the true spirit of God, would say something like this in your weakest of moments (first one was during my first pregnancy and the second was during these past four years while fighting a diagnosed disease). Only a hurt person would hurt another. Religion, hate, pain and misery would speak out such things while the true spirit of God brings you comfort in your weakness.
Some of you know what I’m talking about. You’ve hurt because of such accusations done in hate against you and excused by religious beliefs.
I do believe in being attacked, as we all are either by disease, disappointment, fear, anger, etc and if not resolved it turns chronic. But when “help” comes with a big dose of guilt, condemnation, accusation and down right hate, it no longer falls in the category of help. And when you’re already fighting a battle you don’t need sand in your eyes.
Thank God for healthy friends, like Chet, Elizabeth, Natalya, Gabi, Lynn, other American friends, my brothers and sisters, my Romanian friends and my family here in America,,, thank God for so many of you, full of love, that outnumbered the other ones. I hope you’re all doing well:)
God Bless:)
Today, for the first time in…let’s not even try to go there but finish the sentence with, many years, I played tennis. Our family went to a very nice tennis court only minutes away from where we live, formed teams and began to play. Mind you, we skipped the stretching part or any of the warming up, because that’s for sissies:) In our own eyes, we played like champions and within minutes felt the weight of the gold metals around our necks, enjoying the imaginary cheers coming from the imaginary audience near by too flabbergasted by such an incredible performance.
I pulled a muscle, but what’s a champion without its injuries? We came, we fought, we conquered.
At home, I pulled out of the freezer a bag of vegetables and happily attached it to my upper thigh where the muscles screamed like a toddler who skipped its nap. But I had a smile on my face. This injury made sense to me. I’ve earned this injury fair and square and was very proud of it. I hurt because I lived. Not some stupid bug biting me and nearly killing me then turning me into a walking zombie for years. Noooo, my friends, this was the kind of injury you get because you live, and you have fun living. And I plan to do it again:) My muscle sores have sores, that’s how I feel now, but I smile and keep on tapping this keyboard because I played a match of tennis with my family and we had a fantastic time doing it.
I hope you get a chance to enjoy life in your own way and keep cool this week because real summer has finally arrived in Pacific Northwest.
God bless:)
Journey 