religion

Balance Prayer

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

This is a prayer for myself and anyone else who wants it:)

I thank you, God, for the ability to forgive and the gift of forgiveness. Until recently I couldn’t forgive no matter how I went about it, not sure why, but I presume it had to do with the hate taking all the space available in my heart leaving no room for anything else, including forgiveness or joy.

Thank you for breaking that hard calcified wax of hate towards others and myself and melting it away from my soal. Now I have room for forgiveness, love, and joy. Now I can forgive myself and others; sure it’s still an effort, sure it’s still my will and choice but I have the power to choose now versus being stuck within my sick soul with no way out except a continuous and exhaustingly constant squirming and no progress other than fatigue. I earnestly thank you now for giving me the parents I have, for bringing me to this part of the world, for my family, and for giving me the body I have. What tremendous spectacular things I’ve learned because of these privileges and what great privileges I have to help others.

Thank you for waking me up to my potential by revealing to me my fears, fears that captured me in a self-restraining smuggled dark suit all these years. By showing me these fears and their consequences, you opened up the eyes of my soul to the things I’ve missed and the opportunities not taken if choosing to remain in that snuggled dark suit called fear.

I will choose life, love, and joy. I will risk opening up and be vulnerable in order to gain these three qualities. I will re-learn and re-direct my focus, thoughts, and behaviors in order to experience the consequences of life, love, and joy. In my quest, I will fail sometimes but I will get up and continue because my focus has shifted. I finally see that I have the right to experience life, love, and joy, a right you gave me a long time ago but was taken away by other’s fears only to be recently recaptured.

It’s a re-learning process based on the truth that what others said or did in order to keep me down was based on their own insecurities and fears, not mine. Their walls, not mine. I thank you, Father God, for opening not only my eyes but my soul as well to accept this, for acceptance is the bridge between success and failure. In the past, I’ve accepted false versions of someone’s truths and it brought nothing but a vast desert in my soul, now I will accept your truth to choose life, love, and joy. After all, that’s the definition of balance. Not one without the other, not one over the other. Balance. Truth. This time your truth and let’s see what that brings along and where will it end.

Amen.

 

 

Pastor Gordon Calmeyer

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Today Pastor Gordon Calmeyer passed away after a life well lived. I love his wife’s words, Stella, on Facebook, and I’ll add them here:

“Choose to make today count.

Even if we find ourselves in unpleasant places or going through tough or hard times, or even if we feel like we could give up because of trying circumstances, let’s use the power of choice which we all have at our disposal, and choose to benefit from bad times and allow them to cause spiritual growth and development. Let us wait for the Lord, staying strong and allowing our hearts to be filled with courage so that we will finish the race strong! (Psalm 27: 13-14) Have a blessed weekend everyone!”

Beautiful.

Chet and I met both Stella and Gordon during our volunteering times at CFC (Christian Faith Center Church) and right away we were taken (like everyone else) with Stella’s sweet personality, and pastor Gordon’t charismatic personality, warmth, and vulnerability. Their short time at CFC as pastors were full of richness and they walked away loving and being loved.

Both Chet and I will miss him because he touched our lives with love and authenticity. I ache because he died, but I’m grateful that I had the privilege to know both him and his wife, I’m richer because of that. His good humor and love for life will be missed. It only hurts because we loved, we’ll never regret loving.

I’m sorry to hear about the suicides of both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, condolences to their family and loved ones, it’s hard when departure from this life happens in such a state of despair and sadness. I’m truly sorry for that. If anyone reading this blog is suffering from depression, please reach out to someone and ask for help. You’re welcome to reach out to me anytime you want.

Thank you, God, for all people from all walks of life. Being human is beautiful and precious.

God Bless.IMG_1318

 

Prayers for the Pelvic Area

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

The pelvic area stores lots of emotions, here’s where we experience sexual intimacy, new life, here’s where elimination of no longer needed elements in the body happens, the process of filtration and hormonal activity.

Father God, I ask for complete pelvic healing in my body and everyone else suffering from pelvic related illnesses, diseases, and emotional traumatic trapped memories. I pray full relief in the hearts of raped or sexually molested people, hormonal imbalance issues, inflammation, ovarian issues, bowel problems, genital damages, colon and kidney issues, urinary bladder issue, uterus health let us learn how to filter out of our souls and bodies damaging pain, let our body re-adjust to the proper health as we let go of what once was, but no longer is. Let us see the past hurts no longer delegating our present functionality. For those who lost certain body parts (ovaries, uterus, genitals, colon, rectum, kidneys) we pray that any grieving they’re going through over the missing parts is heard by you and that healing takes over and a new outlook is built.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

God Bless:)

All inclusive

/ Carmen McKnight / 3 Comments

Why the “all inclusive” American political motto does not work for me (unless its a vacation package:).

I grew up in the Eastern European communism era back in the 80′ and early 90′, and have been discriminated against quite vehemently because of my religious beliefs and gender. Coming to America in 1993 was an eye-opening experience on multiple levels. While I loved the idea of being accepted in the new country and among the Americans, I soon learned about this country’s inner prejudices and was shocked. That taught me one thing- prejudice is not a country issue is a human issue. Conforming to American rules and culture it seemed a sensible expectation and I had no issue with it. Why would I? If I didn’t like it all I had to do is go back home, to my own country. It’s not easy to change and conform, it takes time and patience. To this day any reminder of my own culture is a welcoming sight and I am very glad I have friends and family living in America. Being a Christian I attended church right away. While the white church (the only church I attended) failed miserably to love the gay, prostitutes, homeless, black people (not all churches), or anyone else who was different than they were, the church still reached out and took part in many charitable acts of kindness, which impressed me. Sure it was far from perfect, but it was trying.

Moving to the Seattle area, where left thinking predominates and church attendance is at its lowest I’ve learned, and still am learning, many things. The opportunities here are far greater than back south where we used to live, the people are more open-minded… or are they? I find the same close-mindedness towards anyone that thinks differently than they are, especially politically, just like back in the south (Auburn area). The political agendas differ and an “all-inclusive” thinking, which at first sight seems wonderful, is wrapped in a false facade of acceptance. Violence can rise easily if you don’t agree with them, but mostly you’re going to get a passive-aggressive form of action and I find myself walking on eggshells around here because of the frail emotional status of spoiled people that have been babied by their parents far too much. The vibe is of a very narrow-minded individualistic liberal views, which completely contradict the enlightened stigma they give themselves. If you read this and you find yourself getting offended you must ask yourself why? I do the same when I get offended. Don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of nice people here, just don’t get political or religious and all is well.

Why “all-inclusive” move does not work for me? The school system, that’s why. I remember back in my school days being ridiculed and made fun of for being a Christian something oddly I got used to after a while and built an inner determination within, I remember the Jehovah witnesses’s kids always put in the back of the class and made to stand up for hours as a sign of shame, my brother Alin beaten by a teacher until blood poured out of his skin, the same brother locked in dark closets during his kindergarten time for hours at the time, teacher bursting into our apartment without knocking demanding this and that, to give you a couple examples. This was abuse accepted and enforced at the hands of a corrupt and hateful system and its happening here as well. Here, where people take pride in being enlightened and more moral than the nazi or the communists were, yet using similar bullying strategies. One of those strategies is sneaking perversive explicit sexual curriculum in the schools while keeping parents intentionally uninformed. This begins in kindergarten. I’m part of a book club here and I heard with my own ears the proud grandparents sharing with us about the sexual details the teachers talked to the kids in regard to reproductive organs (they put it more explicitly), sexual orientation, and other details. Tell me what is the difference in the brainwashing mechanism between talking faith in schools or this gross stuff? Why would a kindergartener whose main focus in those years is to play need to know about his and other’s sexual parts in such details that could damage them the same way a rapist would? As a parent I have the responsibility to teach my child, when I see fit, about any and all sexual education, the schools have the responsibility of teaching academics. From a medical point of view, this is a form of abuse towards the young minds.

Isn’t this a form of exclusivity thinking, Carmen? you would ask and I would say, this is a form or allowing the individual to choose. The all-inclusive nonsense is a very familiar communistic move, where individual thinking was a threat to the system. In all my 18 years of schooling in a communistic system, I have NEVER accounted the sexual filth the school system pushes nowadays in America (which is strategically placed in there and funded by certain organizations with a certain goal in mind, that research I leave it up to you.) If you think democracy and freedom of speech in this country today is not assaulted you’re gravely mistaken.

Black people should not have to fear for their lives. Only criminals of all colors and nationalities should.

Women should not fear to be abused and ignored. (The extreme feminism is going too far.)

Babies should not be killed. (Adoption facilities should be put in place and education made available.)

Education should be available for all who want to educate themselves.

The law of the land should be respected by anyone who enters this country.

Homeless should be taken care by us.

Mentally ill should be helped (mostly by exposing the Pharmaceutical industry for the lord drugs they are. )

I remember back when my kids began their schooling years and the subject of feelings was pushed more than academics. Well…feelings are an important part, not the most important, however. Why? they constantly change. One day I may feel a certain way only to change my mind in the next minute. Can I build a lasting…anything on such an unstable foundation? And for crying out loud feed our children the best of foods in the school lunch! We parents do care!

I woke up on the wrong side of the planet today and I looked around thinking: My God, how did I get here!

God Bless:)

May 5th-Saturday-2018

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Draw your own conclusion after reading this accurate story that took place this year, in Romania, on the outskirts open land of Timisoara city, where one of my brothers wasn’t only witnessing this event but participated in helping this young man.

Saturday, May 5th, 2018, a Bible study group of young couples were celebrating, picnic style, an outing, one of my brother and his family among them. The location, unlike their usual one, was new, a wilderness sort of place. Once everyone arrived, blankets were laid down on the grass filled soon with food. As they enjoyed each other’s company, my brother, and a few others noticed a young man in his early twenties, running at an incredibly fast speed, bare-foot. The speed with which this man ran back and forth was unnervingly fast for any human being. Eventually, the young man approached the group and asked them for something to eat. He received two bananas and one apple which he devoured quickly away from the group. He then returned again asking for more food, receiving a big plate filled with all sorts of B-B-qued meat and such which he ate, this time in the group’s company.

‘What is your name?’ Someone asked.

‘Daniel.’

‘How old are you, Daniel?’

’21’

‘Where do you leave?’

‘In my father’s barn, in the village nearby, but I spend most of my time outdoors in these hills. The villagers don’t want me around because I scare them and the kids.’ The young man was pleasant, polite and intelligent and all seemed well until he mentioned;

‘I have to leave now, the sickness is coming.’ Unsure of what exactly he was referring to the group protested, encouraging him to stay and visit with them longer, which he did, when suddenly he fell to the ground in a seizure spasm, foaming at the mouth, shaking violently and making odd sounds. The men quickly got up and formed a protective fence between Daniel and their families, encouraging the women and children to back off a few meters.

‘Let’s pray for him.’ My brother spoke up and a few men agreed. All but 6 to 8 men stayed close to Daniel. By now the rest of the group was at a safe distance away watching the small group of men surrounding Daniel reached their hands forward towards Daniel praying, my brother being one of them. He then heard Daniel making sounds no man could make, sounds closer to those of a cornered angry animal while his body bent in an unnatural upside-down frown. Daniel began eating grass, or covering his ears with his palms as the men continued to pray, climbing up a tall tree trunk nearby like a monkey, with the speed of an animal trained to climb trees making it all the way to the top. There were no branches available for the most part of his climb to help him and everyone had one unified wonder “how did he do that?” The men kept on praying, using Jesus’s name to free Daniel of whatever dark spirit who clearly possessed this young boy’s body, watching as he climbed down with the same speed, making sounds that would make anybody’s hair stand up straight on their back. Daniel then jumped straight up, again too high for any human abilities and landed on his back hard against a tree stump. There were far more such details I don’t seem to recollect at the moment from our phone conversation but eventually, Daniel relaxed and came to his senses, looking around as if looking for someone in particular.

“I don’t see the priestess dressed in black with her split tongue anymore.” He explained happily, followed by “My head no longer hurts, only my back a little.” His back pain was a result of him being dropped on the tree trunk earlier.

“I’m so happy you guys came here, I feel so happy with you guys,” Daniel spoke with the most sane and pleasant expression on his face, as everyone watched him still trying to grasp the details they all saw and heard, thanking God in the end for such a positive result.

‘It’s God who helped you Daniel, not us.” Someone spoke.

“Yes, thank you, God!” Soon Daniel relaid how at one point earlier in his life he got baptized but walked way from God, confessing, “What’s inside me…only through prayer and fasting can be eliminated.”

“You should join the local church and return to God.” My brother spoke looking into the same eyes of a young man who only a few minutes ago had the look of madness. Even though the picnic atmosphere was disrupted and now a wave of tension one feels when witnessing such encounters lingered in everyone, they all agreed that the unusual wilderness they all ended up choosing was intentionally picked by God himself to save this young man’s soul and life.

I’m sure some of you are encouraged by this story, while others may be frightened and full of all sorts of explanations, but this really happened not even two full weeks ago and I heard it from my brother’s own mouth in a recent phone conversation, just last week. I for one am encouraged, even though a bit uneasy by the details.

God Bless:)

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Daniel, after the prayer, free of the dark spirit and happy.

 

Broken no more.

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

We all experience brokenness in ways familiar, unfamiliar and downright surprising, and most of us tend to feel shame when the scars of such an experience start to mark us.

I remember, about six or seven years ago now, one late evening I got a phone call from my siblings back home announcing me that our mother was ill and in the hospital. I was in bed already finishing a Bible study homework due the next morning at the women’s Bible study I used to attend for many years. But as I ended the conversation and began praying, my words were caught mid-sentence, never finishing my prayer because I began to see something God wanted me to see- a reassurance I’ll never forget.

I saw my mother with the help of this vision and I went inside her body and traveled like a small speck of dust within her circulatory system all throughout her body, seeing shadows in places representing illness and a normal light where health existed. In a blink of an eye, a liquid light brilliant like gold and diamond wrapped in thousands of acres of sparkles began moving quickly through her veins, her tissues, ner nervous system and as I watched a whisper spoke: She’ll be alright, don’t worry, the light will cure her. Then it was over and I never worried about her outcome knowing full well she would be fine.

When broken, the light of God moves within you eager to fill the holes and the cracks, creating a piece of art unexpectedly more different than your pre-conceived notions ever expected. If you take an honest look at it, you’ll allow yourself to see the same beauty God’s sees, it may look very different than your pre-conceived notion of beautiful, perfect, put together, normal, secure etc but it does not mean it’s any less radiant… if you just look you may just see its brilliance, and that’s when you’ll be able to really smile with a smile of pure joy and tell yourself…broken no more.

God Bless:)

For you

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Not sure who needs to read these words, but here I go.

For the one that’s hurting, with tears of sorrow and discouragement running down your face and heart, from yet another blow life just hit you with:

Picture the outcome you want and in due time it will come to pass. The road will not be void of pain, struggles, and failures, but it will not be void of success, victory, and hope either. You must fight for the outcome you’re picturing and never doubt you’re not strong enough:)

God Bless:)

 

Protest

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Last weekend the annual women’s protest happened again and besides hatred towards the current president and the right to abort an unborn baby, I’m not quite sure what else are they protesting for, because the last time I checked we still lived in America where women have far more rights than most women combined in other parts of this world.

Personally, the vaginal hats and F*** signs are extremely insulting to me, but don’t worry that does not define me as a woman; my children do, my husband does and other things that have nothing to do with profanity and genital hats.

I’ll tell you a story- my story.

I was born with few health issues.

For one thing, my reproductive organs did not fall into place as they should’ve and my mother was told I would not be able to have children.

My Fontanella (the soft spot between the parietal bones and frontal bone) was bulged out- the doctor said I was going to be a retard or an idiot, in other words neurologically I was going to be slower than the norm. The Fontanella it looked and felt like jello and my mother hardly touched me for the first few months after birth for fear of hurting me further. So I lacked the bonding time, very important and necessary to a healthy development, but life was different back then and information was lacking.

I also had a severe vitamin D deficiency and I began having regular shots of vitamin D right away that lasted a whole year. These were among the issues that were visible right away and the doctor pressured my mother to have me aborted after I was born, worried that my quality of life would be a burden to the medical system and Marxist society in which I was born. I was a defect product and needed to be discarded so I would not become a useless eater. My mother vehemently refused.

“God’s will be done.” She tolled herself accepting the outcome, but if I wasn’t going to recover I was in danger of a “vaccine shot” that was nothing short of a euthanize method. I did recover.

At home, I grew up in pretty harsh poverty, mostly between the age of 5-19. We went many days in “involuntarily fasting” whether we liked it or not, but for that now some of us are rounder than we’d like to be:) God, yes God, took care of us. That is what I choose to believe, despite the skepticism of others.

We also went through physical and emotional trauma, abuse and at times torture methods until the day each and every one of us left home. Emotionally, if we give way the emotional abuse would continue to this very moment, but all of us have chosen peace, so we have departed from the source of the abuse.

So from many people’s modern standards of today, I should’ve been aborted. After all I had too many physical issues putting a burden on the family or society, I was born in extreme poverty (Eastern Europe poverty), and raised in a very abusive family environment. I fit most of the reasons given for an abortion, right?

Yet, I’m thankful for every day on this earth despite its hardships. I thank God every day for his love towards me shown mostly through other people, some of which are reading these words. We see the goodness in others. We see hate in others as well. So choose. I’ve chosen. I stand for life.

I do not judge anyone who had an abortion- I wasn’t in your shoes when you made the decision and it’s not my place to judge what I don’t know. But I do know the fetus is a living being and I’ve always fought for the underdog. Its just part of my character and I will continue to do so.

God Bless.

 

Protest

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Saptamina trecuta a avut loc in America Protestul Anual al Femeilor, si inafara urii adresata impotriva presedintelui prezent in putere si rivna dupa dreptului de a avorta, nu prea inteleg ce tot protesteaza- vor egalitate, dar in America femeile au toate drepturile egale ca si cele a barbatilor, nu ca femeile din partea Arabica a planetei, China, Africa, Europa de Est, India, si alte tari.

 

Va spun o poveste- e a mea.

Cind m-am nascut am avut ceva probleme fizice de sanate si doctorul a dat de subinteles ca nu voi putea avea copii deoarece organele mele de reproducere nu erau cazute la locul potrivit. Fontenela (partea moale a capului) iesea afara intre cele doua oase (parietale) si era foarte transparenta, doctorul a spus ca voi fi idioata (adica cu probleme psihice sau fara o dezvoltare completa a potentialului creierului). Mama nici nu ma lua in brate in primele luni si ma misca foarte putin ca sa nu-mi faca rau, pina la urma usor, usor sa retras dar am suferit in primele luni de atingere fizica. Vitamina D era, de-asemenea imi era redusa in corp si am facut injectii de vit. D regular de la citeva saptamini de viata timp de un an. Ca atare doctorul a sugerat avort dupa nastere. Mama a refuzat categoric, spunindu-si in sine “Faca-se voia lui Dumnezeu.”

Da am intrat in lume cu probleme si votul de a fi ucisa datorita acestor probleme, dar cind ai credinta in Dumnezeu speranta unui miracol este fantastic de puternica.

Am crescut intr-un mediu destul de saracacios, si am dus greva foamei involuntar multe zile, atit eu cit si fratii si surorile mele si pentru asta multumim lui Dumnezeu ca sunte-m bine si prea rotunzi acuma de atita mincare:))) si cu dragostea lui Dumnezeu in suflet. Am fost raniti fizic, agresa-ti si tortura-ti atat fizic cit si emotional, acest abuz a continuat pina am plecat de acasa, fiecare cind a putut, si pentru asta nu folosim acest motiv sa ranim pe altii si nu dorim sa fi fost avortati. Am avut toti cei 12 frati si surori zile negre pe acest pamint, dar… am avut foarte momente pline de o dragoste infinita din partea lui Dumenzeu, atat direct dar de multe ori prin altii (ca de exemplu prin unii care citesc aceste rinduri), sau chiar si prin straini. Dumnezeu ne alina sufletul cind avem nevoie de alinare, si desi inca avem cicatrice sau rani deschise datorita trecutului avem si multa tarie pusa in noi de Dumenzeu. Viata care mi-a dat-o Dumnezeu este plina de momentele fermecatoare a dragostei lui Dumenzeu si a dragostei oamenilor prin care characterul lui Dumenzeu se manifesteaza zilnic.

Nu condamn de loc pe cei care au avut avort- departe de mine acest gind- pentru ca nu am fost in situatia lor cind au facut aceasta decizie, dar stiu ca Dumenzeu iubeste pe toti si iarta profund si non-stop. Dar sint un exemplu al unui caz care in ochii lumii sansele mele ar fi fost mai bune daca as fi fost avortata… nu stiu ce sa zic decit, voi ce crede-ti?

Doamne din tot sufletul iti multumesc de fiecare zi pe acest pamant, ca are mare pret orice secunda:)

Dumnezeu sa va aline durerea azi si-n fiecare zi. Amin.

 

Red-A Philosophical self-talk-

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

I’ve begun reading “The Naked Communist” by W. Cleon Skousen and it’s not an easy task for me as flashbacks from my own experience while living through the last of the communist era, back in Romania, rise up.

I’ll let you know in my up and coming posts some similarities that I see in the America of today and communist tactics I’ve experienced while back home. This is a subject that I would love to capture it with my brother Alin’s philosophical point of view and have a recorded debate on the matter. It would be both entertaining and informative… and done in our native Romanian language. But not yet.

Today, after bleeding for the past 27th days, and clearly a little lightheaded from losing so much blood, I become philosophical:) (I have an appointment tomorrow with gynecology.)

I was truly hoping 2018 to be void of doctors, pain, pocking, needles and medical stress, thus hid the bleeding issue for as long as I could. Thanks to Elizabeth I did end up going to a Zoom clinic and thanks to my mother-in-law’s insistence I finally made a gynecology appointment. I must admit I struggle emotionally. I’m fighting with a Marxist syndrome, a disease in itself, and trying to grasp a truth as seen through my husband’s eyes, a reality built on being born here in America. I like his view so much better than mine, but in reality, it seems to be just a beautiful fairy-tale I like to listen to often. I have changed quite a bit living here in America, for the better I think, but when disease keeps on knocking at the doors of my soul, the old Marxism rises up debating loudly while trying to win.

When one becomes sick and unable to provide for the motherland (this can be geographically anywhere the mind goes) a man’s value disappears, thus he is no longer needed, according to the communism/marxism laws. If you can’t produce you’re no more than a useless eater (Hitler, Communism movement, Margaret Sangers, Darwinism are the best known for this type of thinking). Raised in that type of thinking, I automatically think like that. Back in Romania, you can see this in divorces, affairs,  abuse, neglect, blame, and shame, after one becomes sick vs. here in America, where you see support systems, encouragement, and fighting until the end on behalf of a loved one. (This is a generalized point of view based on the majority of cases, for I have seen harsh consequences following the tragedy of loss or disease here in America as well).

“Oh well, at least they’ll not be a burden to the family now. The sooner they die the better. This is God’s judgment for your sins, your father’s sins, your children’s sins, etc.” Are some of the more normal expressions as a response to any disease in Eastern European culture. (Eastern Europe has migrated into other lands and that philosophy can very well follow.)

In America that differs: “What else can we do, doctor? You’ll get better. Focus on getting better. Don’t worry about the money, you’re more important,”  to name a few, not to mention all the “Go Fund Me” types of support.

To top it all off, I’m a woman, raised and tolled in my formative years to believe that I matter less than the life of a dog, born to please a man only and nothing else. Now here’s the tricky part, this belief was preached loudly from the churches pulpits, all done by males, not communism. In communism law (gender or age didn’t matter, you simply didn’t have value). In Romania, I was nothing else but a Christian woman (that’s not a compliment:) to be used and abused than tossed aside when no longer needed or able to perform my duties- at least that would’ve been my lot in life if I would’ve remained there. (Not all men are cruel, alcoholics or abusive in Romania, but most are). I know great Romanian men that are very decent and loving to their wives, their children and in general to everyone else around.

Now, don’t you worry about me, God’s helped me heal quite a lot from many of these issues, by providing proof of ignorance, instability, indoctrination, culture and a theory (Marxism) based on violence and narcissism (read about Marx’s own pathetic life, his example as a father and husband, and his inability to live up to his own theology). I’m healing, that’s why I can start talking about some truths without disintegrating and with a healthier perspective. Now let’s move on.

Its been only God’s presence and patience, working either directly in my heart or through people such as Chet, my parents-in-law, Elizabeth, my Romanian friends and so many other people I know,  that helped me heal. My siblings have been the biggest help, other than Chet. Chet wants to help but it takes someone who went through hell and back with you to understand the darkness you must heal from. I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. There are far too many that have seen an even greater darkness than I have.

In the days when I’m not feeling well it’s easier to fall into that autopilot old way of thinking, yet, those same days are the ones healing me and teaching me some of the best lessons about myself and life itself.

Why have I let the lies of others (religion, a devil, etc, call it anything you want) take such residence in my heart for so long? Guilt and ignorance of the truth.

I’m dying. (I’m being dramatic here) We all are. Some faster than others. But I’m the one who decides if I’m going to help the evil end my own existence with feelings of fear and hopelessness, or if I would much rather spend that time laughing alongside my loved ones.

When you really get this, life even at its hardest will be worth fighting for. It’s our life, given to us as a gift by God, so guard it and fight for it, it’s our right to it.

Well, like I said, the philosopher in me came out today:) Be happy with the simplicity of life, for a farmer is far happier with his life than a philosopher usually is.

And ultimately, I’ll keep on learning or unlearning, sharing with you parts of those lessons hopefully to help you heal faster and sooner, and be grateful for everything.

God Bless:)