romania

The Accusation

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

“You’re possessed by demons!” The critical eyes on the other side of this accusation always turned out to be trouble makers within the Christian circle with a very poor example of their own personal lives. Despite me being aware of that obvious fact, I blinked, taken a back by such a bold insult packaged as a statement. My heart got hit, yet again. Can it be true? The doubt sneaked in inevitably.

Why does this particular accusation bothers me- besides the obvious reason; who wants to be tolled they have demons?- and creates such unease within my soul? I’ve meditated on these words many times while asking God for his advise.

Conclusion: While growing up, my siblings and I were called “devil’s children” or “piu de drac” in the Romanian language, regularly. Our role- according to our accuser- was to torment him. That wasn’t very nice and I’ve tried to break away from such a stigma for years. I’ve succeeded only recently, right after God tolled me to look at the evidence- an evidence between how God treated me during the course of my life versus my accuser. The evidence speaks for itself and I no longer need to worry about a lie, passed around with such ease while leaving behind such damage.

Let me ask you this: What person full of the true spirit of God, would say something like this in your weakest of moments (first one was during my first pregnancy and the second was during these past four years while fighting a diagnosed disease). Only a hurt person would hurt another. Religion, hate, pain and misery would speak out such things while the true spirit of God brings you comfort in your weakness.

Some of you know what I’m talking about. You’ve hurt because of such accusations done in hate against you and excused by religious beliefs.

I do believe in being attacked, as we all are either by disease, disappointment, fear, anger, etc and if not resolved it turns chronic. But when “help” comes with a big dose of guilt, condemnation, accusation and down right hate, it no longer falls in the category of help. And when you’re already fighting a battle you don’t need sand in your eyes.

Thank God for healthy friends, like Chet, Elizabeth, Natalya, Gabi, Lynn, other American friends, my brothers and sisters, my Romanian friends and my family here in America,,, thank God for so many of you, full of love, that outnumbered the other ones. I hope you’re all doing well:)

God Bless:)

My first hi tops

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Back in the 90’s in Romania-1991 to be precise- while in 11th grade, the town was hit- probably an American famous pop singer brought it about- by a new fashion must; white hi tops sneakers.

Like any respectable poor person -not sure what’s respectable about being poor:)- I dreamed of having a pair but lacked the money to purchase such an outrageous item -the cost was two months of a laborer’s paycheck. Food was much higher on the priority list than some silly notion of fashion-I knew, if I asked my parents for a pair, their answers would be along those lines. So I had to take matters in my own hands; after all a poor young girl can only forgo so many earthy pleasures before resenting her social status; and I was way past that level.

After the revolution of 1989, where communism supposedly fell- only to be replaced by the same corrupted politicians wearing hats with different political agendas- my family began receiving packages of clothing and food- a perk for being poor. Most of the clothes were of a “worldly style”, meaning too racey (sexy) for our conservative Christian life style, so I sold them to my classmates who seemed to love such style. (I loved some of those clothes too, but I would’ve been blue and purple if my father caught me wearing them). It was the two gold necklaces that I sold who brought me real dough. I purchased food and my favorite (and only) new pair of shoes as far back as I remembered. I admired those white beauties for a long time, too afraid to get them dirty. Eventually I put them on and walked, chest high, all over town. Yes, I did get a few looks of envy and admiration, which was all so worth it. The first crack -after only 15 minutes of wear- was the most painful rip through my heart. By the time I go home there were big cracks on top. Pieces of fake junk. Bought them directly from a store but that held no guarantee of quality for any client. Well, I felt foolish, sad and still loving those sneakers but soon after, I had to throw them in the trash -a sad day full of mournful thoughts and a plan to learn the difference between real leather and the plastic fakes. I still remember those nice pairs of hi tops -never bought another one- and for a few days I felt as rich as everyone else in town, a feeling well worth all that trouble:)

 

Happy B-day Michael Jackson!

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Yesterday, Michael would’ve turned 59 years old.

I remember listening to Michael’s songs from a few neighbor’s boom box speakers, usually blasting loudly from a window ledge while the boom box rolled a cassette tape slowly in one mesmerizing circle letting out beautiful sounds. But for a girl like me, it was the safest way of listening to secular music-called the devil’s music by my father- without getting in trouble. To me, that devil’s music had a happy beat and made your body want to celebrate all day long- a stark comparison to the sad, serious and at times dreary music I heard in church. Being a teenager made Michael’s music that much more desirable. Not speaking English I really botched up the words, only to realize that mistake once my English improved greatly, here in America.

To me, Michael’s music will always remain on the “Top artists” category in my heart, with songs like: Billie Jean, Beat It, Bad, Man in the Mirror, Heal the World, Earth Song, They Don’t Really Care About Us and my favorite Black or White.

What a world we live in today. What a world I lived in yesterday. Why not heal the world? Why not heal the planet? Why bother with the color of our skin while completely ignoring the color of our hearts? I’ve seen pain. I’ve lived pain. I’ve went to the groceries with pain. I’ve joked with pain. I’ve eaten pain. I’ve looked in its eyes and it looked back at me. I saw it’s questions. I saw its despair. I saw its innocent victims. Nothing like the stupid causes I see today screamed out of overly spoiled and bored minds with too many privileges in their laps, causes linked dangerously close to Marxism and Communism, both systems from which tables I actually ate, a poor meal of poisoned foods well frosted with cruelty while void of human value.

Michael’s music videos speak a massage far stronger than most protests done on our streets. His style is uniquely genius. When I watch the “Black or White” music video I smile. There is a beauty- unless blind to it- in our differences. But hateful people choose to see potential dangers in this differences- most of the time dangers real only in one’s hateful and fearful mind- and act in the most cruel of way against its own kind.

Instead screaming your rights -and some are just down right ridiculous and silly issues- why not look around and see who’s in pain and do something! The world is tired of our opinions while starving for our mercy manifested in the action of love. Start with the Man in the Mirror and change will inevitably come. And stop giving power to hateful people with dark and empty souls.

Let’s start helping the ones in pain and we’ll start healing ourselves that way.

God bless:)

 

Romanii intre Romani in Strainatate

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Mi sa adus la cunostinta azi un subiect interesant de fratele meu, Flesh, care este redactor la emisiunea: Radio Timisoara Vocea Evangheliei sau rve-timisoara.ro, la ora 8am, ora Romaniei.

“De ce fug romanii de romani cind sint in strainatate?” Citeva interviuri audio cu pareri bazate pe experiente personale a citorva din fratii si surorile mele printre care si a lui Michelle, nemtoica cu singe de roman, fata fratelui meu Sergiu. Este un subiect interesant din punctul meu de vedere, cu multe opinii:) In general eu am avut de aface cu romani cumsecade aici in America.

Interviurile sint cu Alin Damean, Michelle Damean, Delia Damean (Mal), Sergiu Damean si Carmen McKnight (Damean).

Auditie placuta:)

Voi reveni in viitor cu mai multe interviuri. Parerile voastre sint bine venite prin audio file:)

O zi buna tuturor Romanilor:)

Steaua si Dinamo

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

In anii 1987-1993, cind eram copil, ne unitam mult la fotbal, adica echipa Steaua, care era stiuta ca echipa oamenilor de rind- sau cum Leo fratele meu zice “a oamenilor normali, usor fericiti si mereu ragusiti”. Dinamo, pe de alta parte, sau “ciinii rosii” era echipa “comunistilor, securistilor si oamenilor la care le placea tortura” ca sa cotez iara pe fratele meu, Leo:)

Zilele cind Gigi Hagi era admirat mult, si galeriile se auzeau print tot cartierul in timpul unui meci televizat au fost frumoase:) Eu preferam pe Belodedici- slabiciuni de adolescent- dar Duckadam mi-a umplut inima de respect. Am decenit portarita la meciurile noastre din fata blocului sau la scoala in clasa de sport datorita, lui Duckadam:)

Odata ajunsa in America, am realizat diferenta de bogatie intre un atlet in America si unul in Romania pe timpul “epocii de aur”. Diferenta mare. Dar imi aduc aminte cu drag, galeriile familiei si dicutii ca de exemplu: “Eu tin cu Hagi! Eu cu Lacatus! Eu cu Piturca!” Eu cu Belodedici. Gindeam eu in sinea mea cu zimbetul pe buze:)

Ma gindesc ca si voi ati avut jucatorii vostrii preferati, si va aduce-ti aminte cu drag de zilele glorioase a echipei de fotbal, Steaua.

P.S. Dinamo in loc a practica tactici se ocupa de mismasuri impotriva echipei Steaua.

O zi buna va doresc si multe binecuvintari de la Bunul Dumnezeu:)

Iertarea

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Rautatea, am observat, vine din lipsa prezentei de mila. In anii de formare, cind mila si dragostea lipsesc, lasa in urma un suflet plin de rautate si duritate. Omul dur si omul rau, in secret, plinge dupa mila si dragoste, amandoua emotii cumva refuzate de persoanele de cheie. La urma urmei, ei sint suflete ranite, rama-se blocate intr-un stagiu de copil.

A ierta este cheia inceputului vietii. (Poti fi in viata dar trai intr-un stagiu de iad.) Dumnezeu ne-a pus in fata cheia vietii-iertarea-atat pe sine cit si pe aproapele tau. A ierta, inseamna a te elibera de lanturile tale conectate de persoana pe care o urasti.

Doamne ajuta-ne sa ne amintim sa iertam inainte de a produce duritate altuia. La urma, urmei si noi tinjim dupa mila, dragoste si iertare.