Month: September 2017

Cine ti-a zis?

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Cine ti-a zis ca nu esti bun? Cine ti-a zis ca nu ai valoare?

Parinte, profesor, invatator, coleg, vecin, dusman sau prieten fatarnic? Cine ti-a zis tie ca nu ai valoare ca om?

Este adevar in vorbele lor?  Dumnezeu, cind te-a format, inainte de a te trimite pe pamant prin pintecele mamei tale, a zimbit, adaugand ingrediente frumoase cu caracter bun. De fiecare data cind cineva de pe pamant te-a ranit, schimbandu-ti characterul original format de Bunul Dumnezeu, El plingea cu durere de durerea ta. Lacrimile tale erau cele mai dureroase unelte folosite de diavol impotriva Lui. Lupta de pe pamant este provocata de diavol, si el foloseste copii Lui sa-l raneasca adinc in suflet. Dar noi, cind ne aduce-mi aminte de fapt a cui sintem si ce valoare originala avem, stam de partea Tatalui Nostru Ceresc, fara nici o indoiala. Adu-ti aminte caracterul original pus in tine- cu ajutorul lui Dumnezeu- si nu lasa cel rau sa uiti cine esti. Copilul lui Dumnezeu iubit la infinit:))))

Doamne multumim:)

The White Canvas

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

About seven years ago, while in front of my sink doing the mundane chore of washing dishes, I heard God. He chose that setting intentionally, to counteract the curse this mundane chore took upon itself.

“No matter how good you are you’ll aways end up in front of pots and pans, so don’t bother trying anything else.” These were the words of my mother, spoken in a moment of personal weakness and pain. But I took it as scripture and hated this mundane task ever since. It mocked my potential, reminding me I was nothing more than a dishwasher.

God chose this setting intentionally to speak to me for a season, raising in me a desire to wash dishes.

“You must forgive, Carmen.” Easy said. The people who brought pain in my life are not worthy of my forgiveness, I thought.

“You must forgive. You must leave the past behind.” What is the past? A day? A month? A year?

“Every second that moves from present to past is your past.” A shiver ran down my spine. I began understanding something new, something powerful, but I needed assurance more than I needed a further explanation. I believe when we need further explanation, in fact, we simply need further assurance in the form of a repetitive pattern of hearing something good. Bad, we seem to accept right away, many times without investigating the source and their intention. Like all wounded human being I needed that assurance.

“Every second you live is your present, every second past that is your past.” The repetition was necessary and welcomed. I pondered amazed. This is too good to be true, I thought.

“Carmen, with every present second the canvas of your life starts white. You decide the pattern and colors of your life. You no longer have to drag the mucky colors of your past into the new canvas. Leave it behind. I made it possible for you. You can start new every second of your life. How do you want your canvas of life to look now?” Tears ran down my face as I slowly absorbed the unbelievably great news. I had the freedom provided by Jesus to start new every second. I didn’t need to bring the ugly of the past, which was weighing me down so much, into my new canvas. I had billions of chances and billions of white canvasses to paint my life the way I wanted it to be and not the way others tried to manipulate me into painting it. I was free to choose. Free of past, free of pain, free of guilt, free of fear, free of bitterness, free of insecurity and the list kept going. How do I want my new canvas to look like now? So many possibilities! All so very wonderful! A new beginning with every breath of my life.

How about you? How do you want your canvas to look like? You have a new start with every breath of your life:) Think of the fantastic possilities. No more hold backs, no more past to drag you down. Just paint! Use the beautiful colors and smile while you decide the look of your canvas:)))))

God Bless:)

 

The Ash

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Today I woke up to ash falling outside like soft snow, in Seattle. My patio is covered in ash, my furniture inside has a thin ash layer and the smoke smell is quite heavy. Despite the predicted 94 F temperature, it was smoggy with a dark orange glow troughout the day, temperatures hitting only 84F. I can’t close the windows because it’s too hot and we sneeze and pray for rain. This is the second smoke wave, first one came from Canada’s fires and today from the Oregon and northers Washington fires. During Canada’s fires we woke up to what looked like heavy fog that lasted a good three-four days. The Oregon fires brought on the ash and the orange glow in the air, and Chet began sneezing, the kids closed their windows preferring a stuffy room over the ash in the air and all over their furniture.

I think and pray for the people close to it all. All I have to endure is a layer of ash and a foul smell, while others had endured far more.

God, bring on the rain.

Nourishment

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

A week of food deprivation took it’s tool on the body as I laid in bed shivering, frail and faint.

Why didn’t I eat this week? Was it laziness? Was it ignorence? What was it?

The knock on the door only irritated me further. It took all my remaining strength to get up and answer the door. I squinted my eye from the pain the light reflecting through the window gave me. A UPS guy stood in front of my door. A huge box sat next to him.

“Sighn here, please.” I signed. The unexpected blow come from my left and I fell down too weak to get up as he hit me over and over leaving behind broken bones, gashes with fresh blood dripping all over my bruised and semiconscious self. Then he leaves. I lift my fist in utter bitterness and anger.

“Where is my neighbor when I really need them? Where is everyone? Can’t they see I’m hurting here?” The UPS left, not bothering to bring the big box inside the house. Now I’m left struggling with the box and cursing all the people, so called friends, too selfish to come and help me.

This is a fictional story, based on something God tried to help me understand. When we choose not to feed ourselves regularly -everyone eats a different amount of food and their diets are different than yours- you weaken and are easy prey to the unforeseen battle ahead. Same with soul/spiritual nourishment. If we don’t regularly feed ourselves -encouragement, pozitive thoughts and faith (in God in my case), we’re left just as weak and vulnerable as the example given, and simple tasks- like lifting a heavy box- became overwhelmingly frustrating. To blame God or other’s for us freely choosing not to nourish ourselves is just as ridiculous as the example given. Stop over-spiritualizing -myself included- our actions or lack there of. We must take responsibility for our actions. More times than not, we suffer from being unprepared.

God bless:)

This is my confession

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

The amount of pain I’ve dragged myself through lately is becoming unbearable. I gasp for air, it hurts that much. The violent nausea is borderline to fainting episodes. I must confess… I’m so very tired. I hurt all over as I drown an intense amount of medicine (natural supplements) down my throat. I look for God in the midst of my pain. I find him silent this time. I also find myself angry and so very tired of prolonged suffering. Heat is not my friend, but neither is cold. I act brave, but inside I feel the shadow of death. This is my confession.