Author: Carmen McKnight

God is much nicer than you think

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

“The most important decision we will make, is wether we believe this universe is friendly or hostile.”-Albert Einstein.

Let me ask you another question first: If there was no hell, would you still believe in God?

The answer should tell you something.

I began believing in God because I knew nothing else, as a child of Christian parents. I got hurt by Christian people, I got loved by Christian people, I hated the church because of Christian people- and for a period of time I believed it was because of God, thus I blamed God, and I got healed because of all kinds of people, Christians including. I should’ve been more mature and chosen to forgive for the sake of my own health, a long time ago. I didn’t. I paid for that with my own health- or absence of health- for few years. I’ve learned many truths and I’m great full. No, God did not allow this horrible disease in my life so I’ll learn a good lesson. What lesson would that be? I don’t believe that way. It’s like saying: “I’m going to allow my child to be very sick to the point of dying, so he’ll hopefully learn what’s good for him.” Only an angry parent would do and think like that. A loving parent would sit by the child’s bed, bringing comfort and soothing away the pain. That’s what the Holy Ghost did when I was very sick. He didn’t beat me down. He sat by my bed and brought me comfort and I could feel his pain seeing one of his child so very ill.

You see, what we think affects us on a DNA level, and we must pay attention and recognize our responsibilities. Fear, anger and hate will kill you. Stress will kill you. There are studies done by Dr. Maseru Emoto (YouTube) where he found that water particles in the presence of both positive and negative environments, then frozen, looked quite different. Same with his rice experiments: the rice over which he spoke love words was fine, the one he spoke hateful words was dying (mold) and the ignored rice never thrived. I’m sure some of you heard about these experiments before, yet, we seem to ignore such results, mostly because of unbelief. Our body is 60% water and our DNA changes based of how we speak to ourselves and what kind of environment we expose our bodies to. Believe me, we’re the ones that make ourselves sick more than anything else in this world, even genes.

There was an interesting case, were a family with cancer history- lived under that fearful fact- adopted a child who also got cancer soon after, despite the different genes. Why? Environment.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”- Proverbs 23:7

Why is it that so many christians pray or profess faith in certain areas of their lives -or over other people- including health, but never see victory? Lack of belief. You or I may utter the Bible verse but see nothing improve. Why? Because we’re missing the emotion (you know that emotion you feel when you really believe something) or we feel the wrong emotions such as frustration, desperation, fear. Belief is exercised, just like any other muscle, so start where you are and build up. And never, ever give up.

When I laid in bed, very sick, besides a round-the-clock comfort, God showed me that by me refusing to forgive I damaged my DNA and my immune system, creating an acidic environment (of fear and bitterness) and a perfect play ground for disease.

When you fell in love, we’re you happy? Did the world looked better? The same world that maybe you hated right before you fell in love. Did you feel better? Did you have more energy? Why?

Our thoughts and words matter and the way we perceive our universe, God including, matters to how your body is going to respond.

Speak kindness and love towards you and others, because God is love and He’s already in you. He’s the light in your DNA and your blood, cleansing away all sickness. Just envision that.

God Bless:)

 

Disappointment

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When I came to America, twenty something years ago, I learned quickly a few things. Although I was aware of certain corruptions, the day to day business was done in a fair way, by regular folks that took pride in their work or hoped to get ahead providing great service. To a certain degree, that’s still happening but the crumbs of destruction are more visible- like the appliance delivery service, who turned from sad to down right pathetic.

Since Trump vs Hillary fiasco, America is shown it’s real colors and the people “came out of their closets”. Such hateful organizations or religious movements as: The Nazi party, Antifa, White Supremacy- and the list gets too long to bother- were not born right after Trump became president. These beliefs, because that’s what they really are, existed long before Trump became president, lurking in the background, some of them behind nice facades, but just as dangerous and diseased at the core. When sweet old ladies start talking about assassinating a certain president with such hatred you don’t seem to recognize them any longer, I loose a certain amount of trust towards them. Such hatred. It seems most people -around where I live, at least- favor one party above the other, which is to be expected for this area. But there is no tolerance against the one who may differ in opinion and that’s dangerous. Same goes for any adverse political parties. This is not a blog about one party is better than the other, but I can tell you one thing for sure, from my perspective: the party that thought themselves bright, tolerant and so very loving are far from that.

I used to have a sense of pride being part American, but lately…I’m only saddened. It’s sad to see how everyone’s exposing their garbage, proudly. Trump had it’s own pile of garbage before he became president, so did Hilary, and so do I, and so do you. What happened to focusing on our higher calling?

Seeing today’s clearly biased referee calls against Seahawks, was frustrating. How can one team be okay winning or loosing under such shady penalty calls? Let one win or loose on their honest efforts.

There once was a dream and people had a vision. Let’s dream again.

God Bless:)

Lyme and Exercise

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To the people that are healthy, I honestly say: Thank God for that! To be healthy is a colossal blessing. For the people who are fighting chronic immune system diseases such as Lyme Disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MS and the list goes on, you’ll relate to what I’m going to write next.

Any one with diseases mentioned above, including cancer and on chemo, exercise and disease mixes like oil and water. Exercise is very important, more so during these stages, however the body is under such tremendous attack, that it can’t handle exercise any longer. Not when all your energy is spent fighting off what ever is attacking you and even a fast shower -never mind shaving, that’s only a luxury at this point- is depleting whatever reserves you may have.

I remember that stage. I was told, by healthy doctors, to take 10 minutes walks everyday because my lymphatic system got stuck. As much as I understood the absolute need to move the lymphatic system- which delivers nourishment and removes toxins from the circulatory system- I had to give this answer, many times;

“I’d love to. You have no idea how much I’d love to walk for 1 minute let alone 10 minutes, but just coming and seeing you is taking such a tool on my body, I’ll be in bed around the clock for a whole week to recover from this.”

During such low moments, I would advise, take deep slow breaths while you’re in bed, miserable, wondering if you’ll see tomorrow. Deep breaths helps the lymph nodes in your gut area- quite large lymph nodes- and will help push things along.

Now, I’m the type of personality that pushes. As I gained any amount of strength I would try to take walks. I remember celebrating when I made it to the end of my driveway and back. It took weeks to build up that strengths and lots of medicine, but I never gave up. I kept on thinking -and arguing at times with my body- we’ll either make it or we’ll die trying. I also began thanking my body for every success- no matter how small. I realized I’ve been  very unforgiving towards my body, pushing it and pushing it until it finally collapsed. Now I’m grateful towards myself and I cheer my heart, lungs, liver etc with every success just like I do with my children’s successes. I had to cease my long time hateful relationship with myself.

Start with deep breaths, but envision the one minute walks, then the two minutes walks followed by 10 min, and one day walking all day long without any consequences other than the usual exhaust from the usual effort.

I’m doing so much better, and in good days I’ve been able to play tennis for up to 10 minutes -even if I have to recover for a whole week afterwards every time – and I keep on pushing because I love life. It’s a gift from God and I’m grateful for the chance to live another day.

Have a good day, today.

God Bless:)

Cine ti-a zis?

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Cine ti-a zis ca nu esti bun? Cine ti-a zis ca nu ai valoare?

Parinte, profesor, invatator, coleg, vecin, dusman sau prieten fatarnic? Cine ti-a zis tie ca nu ai valoare ca om?

Este adevar in vorbele lor?  Dumnezeu, cind te-a format, inainte de a te trimite pe pamant prin pintecele mamei tale, a zimbit, adaugand ingrediente frumoase cu caracter bun. De fiecare data cind cineva de pe pamant te-a ranit, schimbandu-ti characterul original format de Bunul Dumnezeu, El plingea cu durere de durerea ta. Lacrimile tale erau cele mai dureroase unelte folosite de diavol impotriva Lui. Lupta de pe pamant este provocata de diavol, si el foloseste copii Lui sa-l raneasca adinc in suflet. Dar noi, cind ne aduce-mi aminte de fapt a cui sintem si ce valoare originala avem, stam de partea Tatalui Nostru Ceresc, fara nici o indoiala. Adu-ti aminte caracterul original pus in tine- cu ajutorul lui Dumnezeu- si nu lasa cel rau sa uiti cine esti. Copilul lui Dumnezeu iubit la infinit:))))

Doamne multumim:)

The White Canvas

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About seven years ago, while in front of my sink doing the mundane chore of washing dishes, I heard God. He chose that setting intentionally, to counteract the curse this mundane chore took upon itself.

“No matter how good you are you’ll aways end up in front of pots and pans, so don’t bother trying anything else.” These were the words of my mother, spoken in a moment of personal weakness and pain. But I took it as scripture and hated this mundane task ever since. It mocked my potential, reminding me I was nothing more than a dishwasher.

God chose this setting intentionally to speak to me for a season, raising in me a desire to wash dishes.

“You must forgive, Carmen.” Easy said. The people who brought pain in my life are not worthy of my forgiveness, I thought.

“You must forgive. You must leave the past behind.” What is the past? A day? A month? A year?

“Every second that moves from present to past is your past.” A shiver ran down my spine. I began understanding something new, something powerful, but I needed assurance more than I needed a further explanation. I believe when we need further explanation, in fact, we simply need further assurance in the form of a repetitive pattern of hearing something good. Bad, we seem to accept right away, many times without investigating the source and their intention. Like all wounded human being I needed that assurance.

“Every second you live is your present, every second past that is your past.” The repetition was necessary and welcomed. I pondered amazed. This is too good to be true, I thought.

“Carmen, with every present second the canvas of your life starts white. You decide the pattern and colors of your life. You no longer have to drag the mucky colors of your past into the new canvas. Leave it behind. I made it possible for you. You can start new every second of your life. How do you want your canvas of life to look now?” Tears ran down my face as I slowly absorbed the unbelievably great news. I had the freedom provided by Jesus to start new every second. I didn’t need to bring the ugly of the past, which was weighing me down so much, into my new canvas. I had billions of chances and billions of white canvasses to paint my life the way I wanted it to be and not the way others tried to manipulate me into painting it. I was free to choose. Free of past, free of pain, free of guilt, free of fear, free of bitterness, free of insecurity and the list kept going. How do I want my new canvas to look like now? So many possibilities! All so very wonderful! A new beginning with every breath of my life.

How about you? How do you want your canvas to look like? You have a new start with every breath of your life:) Think of the fantastic possilities. No more hold backs, no more past to drag you down. Just paint! Use the beautiful colors and smile while you decide the look of your canvas:)))))

God Bless:)

 

The Ash

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Today I woke up to ash falling outside like soft snow, in Seattle. My patio is covered in ash, my furniture inside has a thin ash layer and the smoke smell is quite heavy. Despite the predicted 94 F temperature, it was smoggy with a dark orange glow troughout the day, temperatures hitting only 84F. I can’t close the windows because it’s too hot and we sneeze and pray for rain. This is the second smoke wave, first one came from Canada’s fires and today from the Oregon and northers Washington fires. During Canada’s fires we woke up to what looked like heavy fog that lasted a good three-four days. The Oregon fires brought on the ash and the orange glow in the air, and Chet began sneezing, the kids closed their windows preferring a stuffy room over the ash in the air and all over their furniture.

I think and pray for the people close to it all. All I have to endure is a layer of ash and a foul smell, while others had endured far more.

God, bring on the rain.

Nourishment

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A week of food deprivation took it’s tool on the body as I laid in bed shivering, frail and faint.

Why didn’t I eat this week? Was it laziness? Was it ignorence? What was it?

The knock on the door only irritated me further. It took all my remaining strength to get up and answer the door. I squinted my eye from the pain the light reflecting through the window gave me. A UPS guy stood in front of my door. A huge box sat next to him.

“Sighn here, please.” I signed. The unexpected blow come from my left and I fell down too weak to get up as he hit me over and over leaving behind broken bones, gashes with fresh blood dripping all over my bruised and semiconscious self. Then he leaves. I lift my fist in utter bitterness and anger.

“Where is my neighbor when I really need them? Where is everyone? Can’t they see I’m hurting here?” The UPS left, not bothering to bring the big box inside the house. Now I’m left struggling with the box and cursing all the people, so called friends, too selfish to come and help me.

This is a fictional story, based on something God tried to help me understand. When we choose not to feed ourselves regularly -everyone eats a different amount of food and their diets are different than yours- you weaken and are easy prey to the unforeseen battle ahead. Same with soul/spiritual nourishment. If we don’t regularly feed ourselves -encouragement, pozitive thoughts and faith (in God in my case), we’re left just as weak and vulnerable as the example given, and simple tasks- like lifting a heavy box- became overwhelmingly frustrating. To blame God or other’s for us freely choosing not to nourish ourselves is just as ridiculous as the example given. Stop over-spiritualizing -myself included- our actions or lack there of. We must take responsibility for our actions. More times than not, we suffer from being unprepared.

God bless:)

This is my confession

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The amount of pain I’ve dragged myself through lately is becoming unbearable. I gasp for air, it hurts that much. The violent nausea is borderline to fainting episodes. I must confess… I’m so very tired. I hurt all over as I drown an intense amount of medicine (natural supplements) down my throat. I look for God in the midst of my pain. I find him silent this time. I also find myself angry and so very tired of prolonged suffering. Heat is not my friend, but neither is cold. I act brave, but inside I feel the shadow of death. This is my confession.