Seizure

 

 

I hope you get a chance to relax and enjoy this little video I shot and put together for you. Meditate on the things that matter to you, as I also do.

You see last week I had a nasty seizure which threw me back on my progress chart a few degrees, both physically and emotionally. It’s not easy to climb over thoughts such as “not again”, “will I ever”, “I just want to be” etc but giving up its not an option for me since I have too much to lose and would hurt too many people that I love. So I must go on. But getting back up, and moving forward while hurting, having half of my body not functioning as it should and wondering how long will it take until I fully recover is not as easy as you may think. I wish I could be poetic about all this but pain and struggle bring more misery than poetry (unless its some sort of emotional heartbreak and then you should see my muse dance and come up with all sorts of rimes and wisdom:) But for now I try not to fall on my face as I experience dizziness, I try not to walk into walls as my balance seems to be taking a vacation, and I try to smile through the pain all my limbs seemed to join in. I am weak and strong, frail and tough, happy and sad.

What caused such a relapse? Accumulation of stress (I like to collect:) Nasty flue which left a frail immune system exposed, taking up nursing duties as my family laid ill in their beds, work, and the happy visit of my cuz. But the body can’t recognize happy stress from bad stress, just files all that info in the “STRESS” file of my life while smiling knowing what’s to come. But I drove downtown! Took my cuz and my daughter to the Seattle Space Needle and other places and I’m sure inside my head there was a small voice protesting to all the exitement…which I clearly ignored. Did I learn my lesson? Depends on which side of the lesson you are. I would say, yes, then explain. I’ve learned that I have the strength to drive downtown (even if for a day every few months:) I’ve learned that my body is getting strong and able to handle more fun, I learned that relapses do happen and not to focus on them, I learned I’m fun again! Even if in a small increment at the time:) Did I learn my lesson? You be the judge, but I no matter what you decide I smile the whole way because I DROVE DOWNTOWN SEATTLE AND HAD FUN WITH MY CUZ AND DAUGHTER ON TOP OF THE SPACE NEEDLE, and that to me is priceless and worth every muscle twitch and pain;) I would do it all over again the same way, no regrets. Now go have a good time living life in whichever increments of strength you can muster, and when herxing (for my Lyme warriors or all with any autoimmune troubles:) smile because you got to the herxing reaction by living life and in the end you had a say, a choice, not the stupid illness that’s trying to kill us:)

God Bless:)

It’s not that we’re dead, it’s that we barely feel alive.

This post is dedicated to one amazing young lady, you know who you are:)

The pain within is masked by how well we look on the outside. If only the world knew how much suffering is enveloped within each cell, each joint, each muscle and each neurological signal hidden in the matrix of our bodies. If only our friends knew how much we hoped to be part of what once was, if only the world would understand how loud they really are and how much that seems to bother us, suddenly. At one point we were part of the busy, loud and aggressive world but now we hide in suffering beds, feeling every surface of our tissues and wondering “what’s going on?” We’re silent about our suffering because, at times, we feel like we’re losing our minds, something truly terrifying. We can no longer comprehend what we’re reading and when you want to talk to us, we stare with a smile on our face trying to grasp the words that no longer make sense in our mind. Our bones hurt,  our identity and value hurt alongside as well.

We used to be normal. God, what happened?

These are the inner cries of those suffering from any autoimmune issues, such as Lyme disease, Chronic Lyme with multiple co-infections, Cancer, Fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue syndrome, ME, Lupus, and many more. These are some of the unspoken words and emotions, fears and concerns lingering within.

But, on the other side of these emotions and fears (at one point in the past I felt them all and then some), stand those of us whom, with God’s help, are slowly coming out of such a dark road. We’re here to let you know that you’re not alone, not even close to it and THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS AWFUL TUNNEL. I’m starting to re-live my life, even better than before because I know now how valuable life truly is, how important people are but ultimately how important I also am. You are just as important:) I have boundaries, I keep toxicity at bay, I smile to the things I used to ignore and I ignore the things I should’ve deemed unimportant a long time ago.

Cheer on dear one, this too shall pass, and one day you’ll be back among your friends, most likely some new ones, and you’ll build new memories and you’ll laugh again full of life and most impotantly- full of health.

Thank you, God, for each day and God Bless:)

To the ride ahead and not behind I say “hello” with a smile on my face:)

Living Proof-MS Hope

http://www.mshope.com/

https://www.seelivingproof.com/

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6604174/

I’ve watched this documentary a couple of days ago while in sickation (sick vacation) on MS, knowing people who struggle with this disease, and I strongly recommended to all MS patients out in the world.

About a month ago, unbeknownst to me I began eating a vegan product (fake bacon) and loving it. I would make sandwiches with it and top it with pepperoncini, lettuce, cucumbers, and vegan cheese and smile all the way to the last bite. Then I began feeling some of the old symptoms creeping up, symptoms such as severe fatigue, foggy memory, walking into things, nausea, fever, dropping things all the time, to name a few. Relapse or Lyme-flare was my diagnosis and began treatment right away. It would work until it wouldn’t. I upped the dose and went around the same circle. I would get better only to get worse. What in the world was happening? My joints hurt so bad, especially my hips, I was having a very hard time walking. Meanwhile, I was happily eating my vegan bacon sandwiches. About one week ago, as I was getting ready to make yet another sandwich Chet read the ingredients, for his own reasons, and exclaimed.

“Carmen, did you know this bacon has gluten? Sugar, water and gluten in concentrated form?” My brain was too foggy to process the info I was just receiving and it took me a good while before the truth absorbed between the smoky creases of my brain and into the information center where it could be processed before a response was delivered.

“What?”

“You’ve been on a gluten feast for a month!” He exclaimed in response as we both began laughing. Such privilege yet no recognition.

Well, my vegan sandwich days came to an abrupt halt. It will take a good while until this intake of gluten will be out of my system, meanwhile, I learned a few more lessons.

  1. I’ll stick to real bacon and leave the vegan diet for Chet (who’s been a vegan for the past two years now).
  2. This gluten intolerance issue is not in my head, it’s not a mental/emotional issue I came up with and just need to snap out of it, it’s real and there’s a reason why. This second point goes along with some of the information in the Living Proof MS hope documentary done by Matt Embry who was diagnosed with MS about twenty years back and fights it different ways but mostly through diet, exercise and supplements like Vit. D. Diet is the evil of most diseases and the medicine for all cures.
  3. Read and inform yourself well, without assuming, like I did, that a vegan product automatically means a gluten-free product.
  4. I balanced back quite fast once I stopped the gluten, which tells me my body and mind are serious about getting better:)))) But, I got the flue, along with every single member of my family except Alex. They’ve been in bed for a whole week before showing any signs of life. Today is Chet’s first day back to work after an entire week spent on a horizontal sickation.
  5. Grateful. There’s always a solution for every problem, just read the fine print:)
  6. P.S The words look a little funny to me so any grammatical or expressive mistakes are due to my gluten feast. God Bless:)

Lyme flare-up

This post is specifically intended for Lyme sufferers out in the world. It’s meant to inform not to extract sympathy. 

It began about one month ago, with abnormal fatigue on top of the regular fatigue I still feel most days, then my vision began suffering then my joints began aching, predominantly my hip joints. It got so bad I had a hard time walking. I began tripping constantly, dropping things and walking into furniture or walls. My brain saw the object but could not shoot a response fast enough for me to avoid the collision. I am bruised all over. I began having muscle spasm, forgetting words, and extra sensitivity to noise.  Headaches and constant flu-like symptoms. I’m still sneezing. But when I felt the muscles of my jaw begin to tighten up, the first symptom of a seizure, I knew I needed to do something.

I cut the sugar out of the diet ( high cravings and consumption the past few months). As some of you know sugar suppresses the immune system. I got back on Lyme treatment (see the picture- missing from the photograph is EHB or Immune Supporting Nutrients by Integrative a fantastic supplement and spirulina or chlorella), I continued drinking tea (sarsparilla, green, and calming, mushroom, all organic), I began drinking the juice of a squeezed lemon in the morning to help clean the liver, since it was found stagnant in my recent acupuncture appointment (What? Yes I do acupuncture, it has helped me about 8 times more than any western medicine ever did). Proverbs 18:9. I increased the intake of vegetables (I don’t really like vegetables:) in my diet and cut out meat for now since I noticed a bloating presence after consumption. I’m still on a gluten-free and dairy-free diet, you could say I’m slowly becoming a vegan, something Chet will be happy about (he’s been a vegan for two years now). Two days ago I’ve had the first decrease sign in joint pain (that’s also when I began taking the spirulina/chlorella pills so it’s no coincidence there) and I no longer walk in slow motion while wobbling, my energy is gradually increasing and my brain is clearing up. I’m still walking into things but not as often, I’m still dizzy at times, I’m still sneezing and have a runny nose but my joint pain is much lower. I sleep better and can go for a walk.

What caused it? Stress. 

From what? From the noise caused by the construction workers who drill and hammer all day long. Noise and bad vibrations affect those with a compromised immune system far quicker than otherwise healthy people, but I knew it was bad when every single person on our floor, minus the workers, complained how bad it is. Work. Despite the fact that my work is a positive element in my life, the body can not differentiate positive stress from negative and the damage is still present. Am I going to quit my job? Heck no. I love it too much. Noise: I love the loud mouth Damian/Romanian blood running through my kid’s veins:)))) They’re loud when they are in the comforts of their home, which for now is here with us. They joke constantly and tease each other mercilessly with a contagious humor flare that put both, Chet and I, in good moods while we giggle alongside:) But this sort of happy loud environment does not go well with sensitivity to noise flare-ups, so many times I have to find refuge in my bedroom and veggie with a book or my I pad. Diet. Too much sugar and not enough veggies in my diet as I’ve mentioned before would do the trick:) Emotional: The only issue I can see is our lack of view to the world out there since the building is still wrapped in white plastic and will remain wrapped until May, obstructing the natural light and sun from coming in our condo unit.  Low Vit. D is a doozie.

I‘m fighting my way, happy to have the knowledge and know how to get back on track. So far so good, no doctor appointments of IV’s (which I loathe).

Every Lyme sufferer that reads this blog, please keep in mind (as most of you already know) that Lyme affects different organs and systemically can run with small symptom differences. Every single body reacts differently to medicine, so be cautious and pay attention to your own body if you have Lyme flare-ups and need to get back on treatment. Some treatments that at one point worked for me I noticed they don’t work now and I have to back away.

All in all, I’m so grateful to God for everything I have, the knowledge to know how to handle a situation like this without being scared, the strength to go through a flare-up and still be able to work (that right there to me is a sign of fantastic improvement), to be able to slowly introduce myself back into society (I’m part of a book club here in Magnolia, and Chet and I have game or movie nights with different neighbors. I drive all over Magnolia as if I own the place, but I haven’t adventured farther then upper Queen Anne yet:) No matter the troubles in life there is always hope. Always.

God Bless:)

IMG_4927

ME/CFS or Conversion Disorder speech on Ted Talk

ME or Myalgic Encephalopathy, also known as CFS or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Conversion Disorder. 

It’s surprising how about 99% of her symptoms I dealt with and some which remain still deal with. The good news is that I feel soooo much better, despite the mild relapse the past month where I couldn’t touch my chin to my chest due to stiffness and intense pain in the back of my neck and fatigue unusually higher than usual. I’m back on Lyme 2 a tincture that helps calm down the symptoms. I still have a very stiff back neck that crunches all the time I touch but I am so grateful for life in general that I move along:) I have a part-time job now; two hours two times a week cleaning a house, and I’m so happy and proud of myself to be a working woman again. I have deep anxiety before I have to leave, but I take Neurocalm which helps me and this week I’ve just begun drinking Sarsaparilla organic tea which gives me quite a bit of energy and calms my central nervous system as well. Amazon has a brand I use called Buddha Teas, but there are other brands out there to choose from.

For all fellow Lyme Disease, ME, CFS, Conversion Disorder, Cancer and other Autoimmune Issues too many to name, I honestly pray for your complete health or at least bearable symptoms. The cure is out there, we haven’t found it yet. Meanwhile, keep fighting, keep researching and do whatever it takes to heal yourself because if we are to wait for western medicine to do it for us we’d all be dead by now. Maybe one day they’ll catch up as well because they’re seriously behind in autoimmune disease knowledge.

Merry Christmas to everyone reading this blog and a Happy New Year full of an unexpected improvement in your lives.

God Bless:)

Loneliness during illness

I began this web/blog site with the intent to keep a track on my medical info, since my short-term memory was seriously injured- still is to a certain degree, which can be a fantastic blessing when I get frustrated over small things, because I soon forget them and I’m left without a reason to stay mad:). Another reason was to encourage, if possible, anyone out there in the same situation as mine.

I had a great job and relationships before the illness, my life was on a high peak of happiness and contentment and I worked hard to get there. That changed literally overnight. But something that took me by surprise was the loneliness that trickled in along with the illness, like two best friends, inseparable and intent on causing trouble. I was cast aside, no longer a productive and effective member of the society. I call it “the silent depression” and I now understand how horribly it afflicts the ill, especially the chronically ill, and the senior citizens. With Lyme, as with other toxic and neurological illnesses, the mental clarity and health deteriorates and one’s personality changes. I used to feed off the energy of multitudes of people and found solitude boring and useless. Not now.

So I sat down this morning having my breakfast of tea and a gluten-free/vegan carrot/banana bread (not my usual breakfast, but I baked last night:) thinking of all the other ill people out there in the world and the loneliness they may be experiencing. What can I say to be of encouragement? What encouragement can I receive for myself?

For those who believe in God remember that He used the most imperfect people, men and women, to do great things through. It’s never too late, you’re never too weak, to ill or too fragile to be a strong force for those around you. I am like Issac who was a dreamer, but God ended up doing great things through. What about you?

Rom. 12:15; 1 Pet. 4:10; Ex. 14:14-The Lord shall fight for you, and you shall hold your peace:) These are some verses to encourage you:)

For everyone:

Forgive.

Meditate on good things (health and a cure and remember not everything has been discovered. I strongly believe there is a cure for Lyme, Chronic Lyme, Neuro Lyme etc, even if it has not been discovered yet, but above that I believe that our body has the ability to heal from anything if given the proper balance of nutrients and extracting all toxicity out of it).

Help others. (That means even if you can only pray for them, or smile at them, or give one word of encouragement, it gives you a temporary break away from your troubles).

Make a plan for what you want to do when feeling better and start planning towards that. Here you’ll have to be realistic and change some of the past goals and plans.

The internet is a source to reach out, through support groups, but be careful not to get stuck in the negative cycle of complaining only. Some days you’ll need to unload, and you should do so keeping in mind that your audience is hurt too, but than don’t forget to smile and laugh. (Watch comedies).

The best cure for loneliness is health and being part of the society once again, until then fight like hell to get there, and I promise you once you make it to the other side a wiser person will emerge on the other side.

I’m reading this book now, and I love it. It’s a look into the human body/autoimmune/cell function with a biblical insight as well. For those who don’t have a passion for the medical field, this may be a bit boring, but it’s not hard to understand. Well written and an easy read.

http://www.scriptum.ro/librarie/mai-presus-de-stiinta.html

For those who want the book in Romanian.

God Bless:)

Are Strawberries Really Organic?

https://realfarmacy.com/dirty-little-secret-organic-strawberries-arent-really-organic/

https://www.care2.com/greenliving/driscolls-organic-strawberries-make-a-big-move-forward.html

https://fitnessreloaded.com/organic-strawberries-vs-conventional-strawberries/

https://www.helpfulgardener.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=225300

The past year I’ve noticed an odd change in the Driscoll’s organic strawberries both in look and taste. They look like strawberries on steroids, keep “good” a long time without molding. But it’s the bitter/metallic taste I get in my mouth after eating a few strawberries from Driscoll brand that bothers me the most. My palate seems sensitive to toxins, pesticides, artificial colors etc, in foods and it’s like a radar telling me which foods are not really organic. I don’t believe Driscoll’s organic strawberries sold in stores like Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, Metropolitan Markets, Safeway, Albertson’s etc are actually organic (even if they label it so and hack up the cost). I go to the farmer’s market and those strawberries are half the size, not perfect in their looks and if not refrigerated and eaten right away they go bad in a day or so. That’s organic, just like I remember it back in my grandmother’s garden, who lived in north Romania area before any genetically modified Monsanto poisoned non-sense came into existence.

Twin River organic blueberries -same thing, huge, void of taste and leaves a bitter/metal taste in my mouth. Same with Anthony’s organic grapes.

Just putting this out there for anyone fighting from an autoimmune and toxicity overload, hope this may help. All Driscoll (and other companies need) need to do is take off the organic label that misleads anyone who’s trying to eat clean.

God Bless:)