blogging

Happy B-day Michael Jackson!

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Yesterday, Michael would’ve turned 59 years old.

I remember listening to Michael’s songs from a few neighbor’s boom box speakers, usually blasting loudly from a window ledge while the boom box rolled a cassette tape slowly in one mesmerizing circle letting out beautiful sounds. But for a girl like me, it was the safest way of listening to secular music-called the devil’s music by my father- without getting in trouble. To me, that devil’s music had a happy beat and made your body want to celebrate all day long- a stark comparison to the sad, serious and at times dreary music I heard in church. Being a teenager made Michael’s music that much more desirable. Not speaking English I really botched up the words, only to realize that mistake once my English improved greatly, here in America.

To me, Michael’s music will always remain on the “Top artists” category in my heart, with songs like: Billie Jean, Beat It, Bad, Man in the Mirror, Heal the World, Earth Song, They Don’t Really Care About Us and my favorite Black or White.

What a world we live in today. What a world I lived in yesterday. Why not heal the world? Why not heal the planet? Why bother with the color of our skin while completely ignoring the color of our hearts? I’ve seen pain. I’ve lived pain. I’ve went to the groceries with pain. I’ve joked with pain. I’ve eaten pain. I’ve looked in its eyes and it looked back at me. I saw it’s questions. I saw its despair. I saw its innocent victims. Nothing like the stupid causes I see today screamed out of overly spoiled and bored minds with too many privileges in their laps, causes linked dangerously close to Marxism and Communism, both systems from which tables I actually ate, a poor meal of poisoned foods well frosted with cruelty while void of human value.

Michael’s music videos speak a massage far stronger than most protests done on our streets. His style is uniquely genius. When I watch the “Black or White” music video I smile. There is a beauty- unless blind to it- in our differences. But hateful people choose to see potential dangers in this differences- most of the time dangers real only in one’s hateful and fearful mind- and act in the most cruel of way against its own kind.

Instead screaming your rights -and some are just down right ridiculous and silly issues- why not look around and see who’s in pain and do something! The world is tired of our opinions while starving for our mercy manifested in the action of love. Start with the Man in the Mirror and change will inevitably come. And stop giving power to hateful people with dark and empty souls.

Let’s start helping the ones in pain and we’ll start healing ourselves that way.

God bless:)

 

Romanii intre Romani in Strainatate

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Mi sa adus la cunostinta azi un subiect interesant de fratele meu, Flesh, care este redactor la emisiunea: Radio Timisoara Vocea Evangheliei sau rve-timisoara.ro, la ora 8am, ora Romaniei.

“De ce fug romanii de romani cind sint in strainatate?” Citeva interviuri audio cu pareri bazate pe experiente personale a citorva din fratii si surorile mele printre care si a lui Michelle, nemtoica cu singe de roman, fata fratelui meu Sergiu. Este un subiect interesant din punctul meu de vedere, cu multe opinii:) In general eu am avut de aface cu romani cumsecade aici in America.

Interviurile sint cu Alin Damean, Michelle Damean, Delia Damean (Mal), Sergiu Damean si Carmen McKnight (Damean).

Auditie placuta:)

Voi reveni in viitor cu mai multe interviuri. Parerile voastre sint bine venite prin audio file:)

O zi buna tuturor Romanilor:)

Steaua si Dinamo

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

In anii 1987-1993, cind eram copil, ne unitam mult la fotbal, adica echipa Steaua, care era stiuta ca echipa oamenilor de rind- sau cum Leo fratele meu zice “a oamenilor normali, usor fericiti si mereu ragusiti”. Dinamo, pe de alta parte, sau “ciinii rosii” era echipa “comunistilor, securistilor si oamenilor la care le placea tortura” ca sa cotez iara pe fratele meu, Leo:)

Zilele cind Gigi Hagi era admirat mult, si galeriile se auzeau print tot cartierul in timpul unui meci televizat au fost frumoase:) Eu preferam pe Belodedici- slabiciuni de adolescent- dar Duckadam mi-a umplut inima de respect. Am decenit portarita la meciurile noastre din fata blocului sau la scoala in clasa de sport datorita, lui Duckadam:)

Odata ajunsa in America, am realizat diferenta de bogatie intre un atlet in America si unul in Romania pe timpul “epocii de aur”. Diferenta mare. Dar imi aduc aminte cu drag, galeriile familiei si dicutii ca de exemplu: “Eu tin cu Hagi! Eu cu Lacatus! Eu cu Piturca!” Eu cu Belodedici. Gindeam eu in sinea mea cu zimbetul pe buze:)

Ma gindesc ca si voi ati avut jucatorii vostrii preferati, si va aduce-ti aminte cu drag de zilele glorioase a echipei de fotbal, Steaua.

P.S. Dinamo in loc a practica tactici se ocupa de mismasuri impotriva echipei Steaua.

O zi buna va doresc si multe binecuvintari de la Bunul Dumnezeu:)

Tennis match

/ Carmen McKnight / 4 Comments

Today, for the first time in…let’s not even try to go there but finish the sentence with, many years, I played tennis. Our family went to a very nice tennis court only minutes away from where we live, formed teams and began to play. Mind you, we skipped the stretching part or any of the warming up, because that’s for sissies:) In our own eyes, we played like champions and within minutes felt the weight of the gold metals around our necks, enjoying the imaginary cheers coming from the imaginary audience near by too flabbergasted by such an incredible performance.

I pulled a muscle, but what’s a champion without its injuries? We came, we fought, we conquered.

At home, I pulled out of the freezer a bag of vegetables and happily attached it to my upper thigh where the muscles screamed like a toddler who skipped its nap. But I had a smile on my face. This injury made sense to me. I’ve earned this injury fair and square and was very proud of it. I hurt because I lived. Not some stupid bug biting me and nearly killing me then turning me into a walking zombie for years. Noooo, my friends, this was the kind of injury you get because you live, and you have fun living. And I plan to do it again:) My muscle sores have sores, that’s how I feel now, but I smile and keep on tapping this keyboard because I played a match of tennis with my family and we had a fantastic time doing it.

I hope you get a chance to enjoy life in your own way and keep cool this week because real summer has finally arrived in Pacific Northwest.

God bless:)

Dentist appointment

/ Carmen McKnight / 2 Comments

Wednesday, July 19th, I had another dental appointment. It took almost three hours, I had four mercury (amalgam) fillings removed, decay found under the fillings cleaned out , one molar and premolar filled with new clean and safe resin composite filling and one molar and premolar prepped for crowns. I have temporary crown fits on now and I am still in a certain procentage of pain. One side of the TMJ joint sort of popped out due to the lengthy appointment and the doctor treated that with a laser session which helped it right away.

Within hours -had to wait for the numbing to subside- I noticed a dramatic neurological improvement; no more shadows on the periferal sides of my eyes and the slight blindness I seemed to have learned to live with, had vanished. I was no longer jumpy and agitated. The noise sensibility subsided quite a bit and visually I improved. Next, I noticed-my husband and children as well- an increase in energy. I ran- even if only for a minute- with my son Alex, while playing a game, in the park. I haven’t done that in almost four years! Overall, I felt lighter, happier, and bubbly. I began noticing details around me, somehow I missed seeing them until now. I had a lot of de-ja-vus, all connected to Romania, where I was born and raised. I found myself saying and thinking ‘I want to do that…and that…and that.’ My personality is coming back- love of life and adventure- effortlessly. I made as I call it ‘The Big Breakfast” on Sunday, a tradition I had since…ever. I love a big breakfast! I haven’t done that in years, since I lacked the energy and appetite. I find myself doing and saying things I used to do and say, good stuff and it’s as if I’m waking up from a long and horrible nightmare. I still have dental ache and pain daily since Wed. That was a big project I both dreaded and looked forward to. What remains of the mercury, is a tattoo (as the dentist call it), which is nothing short of a piece of mercury filling lodged directly in my gums (been there for 20 years and freely licked it’s poisons directly into my system) and one last mercury filling that we will take care of mid September. I knew I would have to deal with a certain amount of detox and today was the first day I felt it’s presence, but that is something very familiar to me and not at all frightening and I know it will take a few months of rebuilding, once all the dental work is fully completed- by the end of the year-, but I can see a dramatic improvement, something I treat both with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy and with a certain caution. I can’t believe that after all these years, after all that fighting, it’s finally happening. I can see the joy in my family as well, seeing their mother and wife finally returning to her old self. I’m still in pain, but this is the residual pain and the last paddle through the darkness, as we come to the other side, bathing in the light. I thank God, for everything, I thank my dear Chet for being so strong and solid during this whole nightmare, I thank my kids for being brave, I thank you, my friends and family for all your prayers. This is OUR victory, since I’ve come to fully believe no man is it’s own island. It took all of us, mostly God, to get here and I can’t wait to throw away the paddles of pain, get fully out of the boat of misery and freely walk in full health.

I look forward to take the bus just because, to make spontaneous decisions, to stop fighting the fear of passing out or falling into a neurological convulsion due to the stimulation overload. I look forward to live and not be afraid of it.

For all of you, who are still fully paddling through pain and misery, keep paddling, and one day I would love to celebrate your walk on the shore of health and freedom. There is no greater battle than the battle of a physical disease and wounded soul (mind, will and emotion). There’s no greater victory than the victory of health over them both. I call Lyme disease and MSIDS (Multi-Systemic Infectious Disease Syndrome) as I’ve been diagnosed with, Satan’s disease. It manifests just as darkly both in body and mind, making the patient a perfect target for ridicule from undereducated doctors and selfish fake friends. I’ve dealt with both the entire time, having to rise above and continue to focus on my full recovery. So, I guess the lesson is; keep your focus and disregard the junk. It’s not ease, but it’s possible. There will always be true friends on your side, focus on them, love them and cherish them. And ultimately, thank God for the second (or however many) chance of life. Life is a gift. It does not come void of pain, but despite the pain, life is a gift. Live it well.

God bless:)

Power of prayers

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

“Does prayer really work?”

I’ve wondered that often in the past, and there was always a level of doubt lingering around my heart, especially right after a prayer seemingly was not answered.

Since 2014, I feel very differed about prayer. I was meant to die, but God had other plans. He touched my heart so many times before, but through the “valley of shadows” or “Satan’s disease” as I eloquently put it, I’ve seen his care, like never before. Sure, the battle is not over, not yet, but that does not mean I’m not at peace. Prayers do work. It’s as simple as that. I should’ve been dead by now, maybe you too, but we’re not and, personally I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for my friend Lynn and the fact that she is fighting her battle, or my friend Gabi, or my mother-in-law, Janet, who fought hard and succeeded:) Or Miha, or tanti Nina, or Lena, or, or , or. I’m so glad I have them in my life and I see how strong they really are.

Last night, as I was praying for someone close to my heart, I was allowed to see fragments of the invisible world- the action behind the curtain- is one way of putting it. It was brief, powerful and left my hair standing up all over my body.

A baby elephant was raising his trunk up to the sky, crying (the dear one I was praying for). Circling above his head, like vultures, were a few shadow spirits. They really looked like shadows, circling over the baby elephant. I knew the person needed help. So I continued to pray. Within minutes, brief and powerful, I saw three angels, dropping from the sky with the spread of light- just like lightning- powerful, spears drawn (meaning judgement) and going straight for the shadows. A battle was about to take place. Than all went back to normal, but I felt my heart light and there was peace.

“Well Carmen, that could be a result of your religious brainwashing…” This is a doubt I would’ve (and I did) addressed myself, in order to explain away what just happened. Not today. I do not consider myself religious at all, in fact, I avoid religion when possible. But there are realities out there beyond our understanding and it does take faith to believe them or not. Oh, come on, we all have faith in something. How about when you sit in a chair? You have faith that it will hold you up, based on repeated past experiences, etc.

So, in my humble opinion, prayers work far better than we realize and can cause a very powerful ripple in our lives. I’ll keep praying, that’s for sure. I’ll also have lots of questions, I’ll have realizations of things I thought wrong about in the past, mistakes I’ve made that I need to change, but isn’t this part of living, and hopefully living well?

So keep on praying, because in the invisible realm, powerful being (angels) go to battle for us.

God Bless.