Wednesday, July 19th, I had another dental appointment. It took almost three hours, I had four mercury (amalgam) fillings removed, decay found under the fillings cleaned out , one molar and premolar filled with new clean and safe resin composite filling and one molar and premolar prepped for crowns. I have temporary crown fits on now and I am still in a certain procentage of pain. One side of the TMJ joint sort of popped out due to the lengthy appointment and the doctor treated that with a laser session which helped it right away.
Within hours -had to wait for the numbing to subside- I noticed a dramatic neurological improvement; no more shadows on the periferal sides of my eyes and the slight blindness I seemed to have learned to live with, had vanished. I was no longer jumpy and agitated. The noise sensibility subsided quite a bit and visually I improved. Next, I noticed-my husband and children as well- an increase in energy. I ran- even if only for a minute- with my son Alex, while playing a game, in the park. I haven’t done that in almost four years! Overall, I felt lighter, happier, and bubbly. I began noticing details around me, somehow I missed seeing them until now. I had a lot of de-ja-vus, all connected to Romania, where I was born and raised. I found myself saying and thinking ‘I want to do that…and that…and that.’ My personality is coming back- love of life and adventure- effortlessly. I made as I call it ‘The Big Breakfast” on Sunday, a tradition I had since…ever. I love a big breakfast! I haven’t done that in years, since I lacked the energy and appetite. I find myself doing and saying things I used to do and say, good stuff and it’s as if I’m waking up from a long and horrible nightmare. I still have dental ache and pain daily since Wed. That was a big project I both dreaded and looked forward to. What remains of the mercury, is a tattoo (as the dentist call it), which is nothing short of a piece of mercury filling lodged directly in my gums (been there for 20 years and freely licked it’s poisons directly into my system) and one last mercury filling that we will take care of mid September. I knew I would have to deal with a certain amount of detox and today was the first day I felt it’s presence, but that is something very familiar to me and not at all frightening and I know it will take a few months of rebuilding, once all the dental work is fully completed- by the end of the year-, but I can see a dramatic improvement, something I treat both with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy and with a certain caution. I can’t believe that after all these years, after all that fighting, it’s finally happening. I can see the joy in my family as well, seeing their mother and wife finally returning to her old self. I’m still in pain, but this is the residual pain and the last paddle through the darkness, as we come to the other side, bathing in the light. I thank God, for everything, I thank my dear Chet for being so strong and solid during this whole nightmare, I thank my kids for being brave, I thank you, my friends and family for all your prayers. This is OUR victory, since I’ve come to fully believe no man is it’s own island. It took all of us, mostly God, to get here and I can’t wait to throw away the paddles of pain, get fully out of the boat of misery and freely walk in full health.
I look forward to take the bus just because, to make spontaneous decisions, to stop fighting the fear of passing out or falling into a neurological convulsion due to the stimulation overload. I look forward to live and not be afraid of it.
For all of you, who are still fully paddling through pain and misery, keep paddling, and one day I would love to celebrate your walk on the shore of health and freedom. There is no greater battle than the battle of a physical disease and wounded soul (mind, will and emotion). There’s no greater victory than the victory of health over them both. I call Lyme disease and MSIDS (Multi-Systemic Infectious Disease Syndrome) as I’ve been diagnosed with, Satan’s disease. It manifests just as darkly both in body and mind, making the patient a perfect target for ridicule from undereducated doctors and selfish fake friends. I’ve dealt with both the entire time, having to rise above and continue to focus on my full recovery. So, I guess the lesson is; keep your focus and disregard the junk. It’s not ease, but it’s possible. There will always be true friends on your side, focus on them, love them and cherish them. And ultimately, thank God for the second (or however many) chance of life. Life is a gift. It does not come void of pain, but despite the pain, life is a gift. Live it well.