Herxheimer reaction- small set back

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Feeling better the past five days I must have pushed myself cleaning the house, the kitchen and cooking. Yesterday around 11 am I had one relapse and while visiting our friends Leo and Natasha for a Seahawks football game had another one later the same day. We prayed together and it was awesome. The good news: they were far less intensive and lasted far shorter than before. However I feel my body very weak and I will keep a low-key for the coming few days.

Simtindu-ma mai bine de cinci zile, cred ca am depus prea mult effort facind curat in casa, bucatarie si facind mincare. Ieri, in jurul orei 11 dimineata am avut prima reactie si mai tirziu, la pritenii nostrii Leo si Natasha acasa, uitindu-ne la fotbal American am avut a doua reactie. Ne-am rugat impreauna si am avut prieteni linga mine pina sa terminat. Vestea buna este ca reactiile nu am fost intense ca inainte si au durat mult mai putin (poate 15 minute) ca cele dinainte ( de la 45 minute pina la o ora si jumate). Ma simt slabita si in viitoarele citeva zile ma voi odihni in plin.

Cind ascult al doilea cintec (sint un pribeag), imi dau lacrimile. Azi ma simt obosita, atit in corp cit si in suflet. Stau de multe ori si-mi vad corpul asta slabit si ce mi se intimpla si-mi indrept privirea catre D-zeu, cu lacrimi il intreb sa-mi reinoiasca puterea in corp ca ma simt la un prag de moarte de multe ori. Iar am slabit in greautate. Iara simt inima slabita, si corpul epuizat. Dar ma uit la cei iubiti, la voi, si iar mi se reinoieste puterea. Mi-ar place sa ma duc sa-l vizitez pe Alin, fratele meu care e in Michigan o saptamina cu lucru, dar nu pot nici sa conduc masina pina la coltul strazii. Ma uit spre cer si-i multumesc lui D-zeu pentru zilele care mi l-ea dat dar si petru ziua cind se va sfirsi totul si voi fi complet vindecata in corp. Ufta… azi mi-am dat drumu. Va doresc o zi/ seara placuta. Bucurati-va de tot ce ave-ti mai ales daca aveti sanatate! E foarte importanta sanatatea in corp, suflet si spirit.

What do you think? Care-i parerea ta?

Last night I had a dream that felt different than my normal dreams. After reading it, I would really like your imput. You can leave it as a comment under the text or you can go to the contact page and leave me a private message.

Chet and I, along with our kids were grocery shopping at a large supermarket. After we paid and as we were pushing our cart out, by the soor to the side stood couple men, in their thirties. In a Easter European accent ithey asked us if we wanted to adopt a boy. Chet and I wanted to hear more details. While the kids waited outside by the cart, we were directed into another room. (So far this feels like a normal dream to me). The room was full of young boys, teenagers and man of Eastern European descended, some standing, most sitting on tables forming a circle around a particular twentyish looking young man supporting a boy about 8 years old. The boy left leg (from knee down) twisted inwardly in a very unnatural way, giving him a hard time standing properly needing constant help. All the boys around him were laughing at him and at the situation in front of us. The  8-year-old boy had a round head, with black short-cropped hair sticking straight up, brown eyes and filthy clothing, and even thought on his face there was a faint smile as if he too was part of the demeaning humour, his eyes were in tears and very sad-looking. Imediately I felt tears invade my own eyes and had no idea how to react. To extract out of us further emotions, they flipped the young boy around and undressed him. His bottom had such a drastic rash (typical to a baby rash) running down his legs looking hundred times worse than that of a normal rash, it looked old as if these scars have been there for a while. His entire back, top-to-bottom was so very scarred I covered my mouth. It looked as if the poor boy was scorched with boiled water, but at the same time it looked as if these were old wounds. There were creases and dried up skin but the worse was the fact that his back was plit down the middle along the spine, all the way to the bone. The images are very vivid in my mind. I looked to one person in particular that seemed to laugh the loudest and I was shocked of the resemblance to the 8-year-old. It’s as if I was looking at an older version of the 8-year-old boy. I looked at Chet, wanting to know what he though but he wasn’t showing his emotions,  not until we were in more private place. Even though there was so much pain, it felt as if everyone there was trying to get a reaction out of us using the pain and suffering of this innocent boy. We walked away to talk about it, but then woke up.

Do you think this was just another dream or it has a significants?

Azinoapte am avut un vis care mi se pare diferit decit visurile mele normale. Dupa ce cititi (daca alegeti sa cititi:) mi-ar face placere sa aud parerile voastre. Le pute-ti lasa ca comentariu in casuta de mai jos sau privat pe pagina de Contact.

Eram toti intr-un supermarket, la cumparaturi de alimente. Dupa ce am platit si copii impingeau carutu spre usa la iesire,  la stinga stateau doi barbati in jurul virstei de 30 de ani. Cu un accent greau din Europa de Est ne-au intrebat daca vrem sa adoptam un baiat. Sotul cu mine ne-am decis sa-i intrebam mai multe detalii. Ei ne-au directat intr-o camera la stinga. Lasindu-i pe copii afara linga carut, amindoi am intrat in camera. Am observat camera plina de copii, adolescenti si barbati toti de origine din Europa de Est. Unii stateau in picioare, dar majoritatea stateau pe mese lungi formind un fel de cerc in jurul la doua persoane. Unu cam la 20 de ani il sprijinea pe un baiat cam de 8 ani. Baiatul avea par negru, scurt si drep, ochii caprui, zdremte pe corp si murdar. Piciorul sting de la genunchi in jos era sucit intrauntru intr-un fel anormal, dindu-i dificultatea de a sta bine pe picioare. Cei din jur rideau. Desi baiatul avea si el un zimbet pe buze ca si cum vedea si el umorul in situatia lui, ochii erau plini de lacrimi si tristi. Mi-au dat lacrimi si am luat mina lui Chet (sotul) ca simteam nevoia de sprijin. Ca si cum ce vedeam nu era de ajuns, ca se ne socheze, cel de 20 de ani la intors cu spatele si ia dat pantalonii jos aratindu-ne multe rani si o iritatie de piele intensa (cum fac babies), dar de o suta de ori mai urita, si parea veche. Pe urma ia dat jos tricoul. Pe spate de sus pina jos era asa de cicatrizat si arata ca si cum cineva a aruncat apa clocotita pe el ani de zile. Pe mijloc, de sus pina jos dealungul coloanei vertebrale carnea era despicata in doua pina la os. Titi rideau asteptind sa ne vada reactia. Eu mi-am acoperit gura cu mina si Chet nu spunea nimic. “Treabuie sa discutam privat desprea situatia asta.” Mi-a zis Chet. Si am iesit din camera ca sa dezbatem ce vrem sa facem, dar pe urma m-am sculat.

Ce parere aveti?

Tithing Is more important than you realise

2 Corinthians 9:7

Malachi 3:10

Luke 6:38

Proverbs 3:9

Chet just got paid yesterday, covering two of those past checks we were waiting on. There’s still one past due left but hings are looking up:) I’ll let you know when it comes in. So praise God! One day later after deciding to tithe again and we’re seeing God move. Now that’s awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Corinteni 9:7

Malachi 3:10

Luca 6:38

Proverbe 3:9

O zi dupa ce am decis sa dam zeciuiala ( pe 19 Noiembrie), Chet a fost platit doua salarii din trecut. Mai este inca un salar  de platit din trecut si doua din present. Dar vreau sa fiti incurajati, sa vedeti cint de bun e D-zeu si el isi tine promisiunile sale fata de noi desi noi nu facem la fel tot timpu. Slava Lui:)

Salutari lui Mihaela H. 🙂

Give up, Carmen! Lasa-te batuta, Carmen!

No, no, don’t get scared, it’s not what you think:))))))))))))))))))) Take a look.

Nu va speriati, nu-i ce crede-ti:) Uitati-va:)

Happy B-day to my nephew, Ionatan, all the way back in Romania!!!!! I believe he turned 6 years old!!!!!!!

La multi ani lui Ionatan, nepotul nostru;), mi se pare ca a implinit 6 ani!!!!!

I find this footage sooo precious:) My brother, Iosif, talking to his new girl in his life also Ionatan’s little sister Hadasa.

Imi place mult filmul asta, unde fratele meu, Iosif, vorbeste cu printesa lui, Hadasa si sora lui Ionatan cel voinic care azi maninca tort!!!!!!

Hi to you all!!

We had a great day yesterday! My girl, Meleah, turned 18th!!!!! Pushed by the desire to buy her a card and flowers I drove, for the first time since my last ER trip back in October! Feeling clear minded and strong in the body it was such a thrill full of thankfulness and joy! Thank you for your prayers, financial support and words of encouragement. I could have not done it without you! Thank God for his mercy on me!

I will bless you with a future filled with hope- a future of success, not of suffering. Jeremiah 29:11 This is the verse for today from my Bible app, I also have this verse engraved by my bed side given to me by my brother Marius years ago. I clung to it in my lowest of moments.

Am avut o zi excelenta ieri! Majoratul fetei mele, Meleah:) Impinsa de dorinta de ai cumpara flori si o felicitare, pentru prima data de cind ma luat cu ambulanta pe 16 Octombrie, am condus! Mintea mi-a fost clara si corpu puternic si a fost o experienta plina de multumire si bucurie. Va multumesc de rugaciuni, de suportul financiar si de cuvintele pline de incurajare:) Nu as fi putut trece peste obstaculul acesta fara D-zeu si vara sprijinul vostru. Ii multumesc lui D-zeu pentru mila lui asupra mea.

Caci eu stiu gindurile care le am cu privire la voi, zice Domnul, ginduri de pace si nu de nenorocire, ca sa va dau un viitor si o nadejde. Ieremia 29:11

Acesta este versetul zilei. Il am gravat pe o placuta de sticla, cadou de la fratele meu Marius, dat acuma citiva ani, pus pe noptiera. In zilele cele mai negrea, lugita in pat il citeam mereu.

Meleah’s 18th B-day:)

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My brothers Leo and Iuli, back in Romania, during the voting period.

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What do you do when bad news comes your way?

We just got back our power and it was nice to eat a warm meal. The winds are still pretty strong here but the sun is such a beautiful sight.

What do you do when bad news comes your way?

I want to talk a little bit about the fear and anxiety that comes with a diagnosis. It can go both ways based in totality by the diagnostic. If it’s a small matter, relief follows. But what happens when it’s not a small matter, what happens when the road ahead begins to look longer and far scarier than originally perceived?

First you must calm down the torrent of fear and anxiety that may whirlpool in your brain after hearing the diagnostic that can sound something close to a sentence.

Pray! Pray with a clear mind and with a hopeful spirit. Have faith to believe the very words you  heard  so many times before but never had to really apply them in your life, until now.

Don’t make up “worse case scenarios!”, don’t go there!, instead look at your best case scenarios. You will not be the scary story of a person you once knew, or their relative or someone you heard about it in the past and brushed it aside with a” that’s so terrible” sort of thinking.

Don’t make up symptoms that may not be there. Research all possible angles LOOKING for a positive testimony and the how to’s behind it. Don’t allow morbid thoughts to take over, think rational about the situation in front of you as if  you’re looking for an answer, than have faith the answer will come. ( Don’t go on the other extreme either by saying “I leave it all in the hands of God WITHOUT doing anything about it. That’s pure laziness. You have to fight for your health. There is no other way to put it, but in your fight and on the road to recovery make sure you have God yon your side. Sometimes, that simply means surround yourself with people who believe for healing, that are willing to fight alongside yourself, that love you in your low times (for they will surely come), that will laugh with you through every single victory, pray with you and for you when you’re too weak to do it alone, advise you well, encourage you when you feel like there’s no point going on.

Listen to your gut. Doctors are humans beings with a particular knowledge and some are driven by wrong reasons, so you have to be your best advocate other wise you will end up a victim of lack-of-concern, money-making, personal agendas and inaptitude.

Educate yourself properly, not through the story of so and so, but through facts. Learn about alternative medication, like a better diet or life style.

Don’t accept your new diagnosis as your new life-style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s an enemy! It’s here to kill and destroy you, your joy, your hope, your smile, your courage, your time spent with loved ones, your clarity of mind, your faith in God, your beauty both body and mind followed by the spirit. This is a serious enemy and its full intent is to destroy you. Treat it as such! Your family, friends and future loves one need you alive and well:) God needs you to fight so you can praise him by telling everyone around you how He help you overcome. You’re not weak! You may feel weak, but that does not mean that you’re weak. You’re simply going through a battle and sometimes this battle is overwhelmingly strong but not necessarily fatal.

Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re healed. Sounds crazy? You do it everytime you tell yourself that you’re fat, or your hips are too big, or your breast too small, or you’re not tall enough, or you’re bald etc. So why not tell yourself something you wan to happen to you, like being healed. Christ died already for us to have that healing, why not believe it?

Don’t allow negative people around. Don’t listen, watch or read popular information that shows death, sickness and disease. It’s very tempting because you know exactly how it feels to be there, but unless you want to stay there, don’t do it.

Even when you don’t feel like, imagine yourself healthy, doing things you love with the people you love:) Imagine your healthy self in the near future.

Pray and believe that God healed you! Than brag about the way he went about it and did it.

P.S. I have days that are absolutely awful and I’m tempted to give up because it feels easier than continuing to fight. But I imagine how devastated I would be if my husband or kids gave up if they were in my shoes and for their sake I keep fighting. We need those visual images when death seems to knock on the door and you may be tempted to open and let it in. But it’s not over unless we make it happen.

I pray this may be of some help to you. Keep your chin up and smile back at sickness with a stubborn resolution to beat it:)

La noi sint vijelii si sa luat curentul vreo patru ore. Dar a venit inapoi sint am fost fericita sa maninc ceva cald.

Ce iti spui tie in sine cind vin greautati neasteptate?

Vreau sa vorbesc un pic de frica si panica care vine cu un diagnostic de sanatate neplacut. Unele diagnostice sint rudimentare, ca atare nu le dam prea multa importanta ca stim ca-i foarte temporar si sanatatea va veni urma fara mari probleme. Dar ce se intimpla cind diagnosticu e grav si calea spre insanatosire este mult mai lunga sau mai subreda decit ti-ai imaginat?

Primul lucru, incearca sa-ti calmezi ploaia torentiala formata din frica si panica care-ti va invada creierul imediat dupa ce ai auzit diagnosticul care suna ca o sentinta.

Roaga-te! Roaga-te cu o minte clara si cu un spirit plin de speranta. Ai credinta si crede cuvintele care poate pina acuma numai le-ai auzit dar nu a fost necesar sa le pui in practica inca.

Nu asculta si crede cazuri de boala cu sfirsit neplacut vorbite fara cuget sau intelepciune de guri fara intelepciune. In loc, cauta pe cei care au trecuit biruitori prin situatii similare si ascultale sfaturile. Nu decide ca tu vei fi cazul cel mai rau, cu simptomele cele mai urite si cu sfirsitul cel mai crunt. Nu deschide urechea la gurile pline de birfa care vor sa imprastie numai vesti proaste si fara speranta.

Nu-ti imagina simptome pe care nu le ai, simplu pentru ca zice careva ca ar trebui sa le ai in cazul tau. Educate bine de la surse de incredere, uitindu-te dupa mod de rezolvare si insanatosire. Alunga ginduri morbide, gindeste rational si ai credinta ca raspunsul de la D-zeu (prin doctori sau alte surse) va aparea. Pe de alta parte nu spune “faca-se voia Lui” FARA sa incerci sa lupti si sa gasesti raspunsuri pentru insanatosire. Asta este o scuza pentru lenevie. Tu trebuie sa lupti pentru sanatetea si insanatosirea ta!

Nu acepta ce spune numai un doctor, ci incearca sa gasesti alte opinii de la alti doctori care pot avea mai multa experienta in a trata boala.

Nu-ti acepta diagnosticul ca noul mod de viata!!!!!!!!!!! Este un dusman! A venit sa distruga si sa omoare. sa-ti distruga fericirea, speranta, curaju, timpul petrecut alaturi de cei dragi, claritatea mintii, credinta in D-zeu, frumusetea inauntrica si cea care se vede (corpul). Asta este un dusman cu intentia sa te distruga. Trateaza-l ca atare! Nu fa pact de prietenie cu boala si incepe a spune cuvinte; pai boala me. Familia ta, prietenii tai si cei dragi care inca nu i-ai intilnit au nevoie de tine in deplina sanatate. D-zeu vrea ca tu sa lupti si sa vezi boala ca pe dusmanul care de fapt este, si dupa ce te vindeci sa-i dai slava Lui prin cuvintele tale de proslavire:) Tu nu esti slab (slaba)! Poate ai momente de slabiciune, (toti avem momentele astea, absolut toti de pe pamint), dar asta nu inseamna ca esti slab (slaba), ci ca au venit peste tine anumite momente care te fac sa cazi momentar, dar deasta ai nevoie de oameni de baza si incredere, care te pot sustine si sprijini atunci cind esti cu fata la pamint. Cunosc cultura Romaneasca (de fapt e la fel in toata parte Europei de Est) unde se crede ca esti slab daca experimentezi slabiciuni in viata. Dar nu este Biblic felul asta de a gindi si vedea lucrurile. De asta D-zeu ne sfatueste sa fim alturi de cei cazuti, sa-i sustinem si sa-i incurajam ca intr-o buna zi tu vei avea nevoie de aceeasi incurajare care o dai altuia in momentul greau.

Nu acepta sa asculti sfaturi negaitve si pline de cuvinte de frica. Nu te uita sau citi informatii pline de boala, moarte sau deznadejde.

Chiar daca nu crezi inca, imagineaza-te in viitorul apropriat plin the sanatate alaturi de cei dragi.

Roaga-te si crede ca D-zeu te-a vindecat desi poate nu experimentezi pe deplin simptomele. De obicei crezi prima data si pe urma simptomele vin.

p.s. Sint zile in viata mea in momentul de fata care sint groaznice din punct de vedere a suferintei si in acele momente sint temptata sa ma las batuta ca-i mult mai usor decit sa lupt in continuare. Dar ma gindesc cum m-as simti eu daca (pusi in aceeasi situatie) copii mei sau sotul meu sar lasa batuti. Durerea in suflet ca ias pierde e asa de mare ca-mi da vlaga sa lupt in continure. Si trebuie sa incercam sa ne punem in papucii altora inainte de a decide cei mai usor pentru noi.

Ma rog ca Bunul D-zeu sa va dea putere sa mergeti in continuare cu tarie reinointa:)