Loneliness during illness

I began this web/blog site with the intent to keep a track on my medical info, since my short-term memory was seriously injured- still is to a certain degree, which can be a fantastic blessing when I get frustrated over small things, because I soon forget them and I’m left without a reason to stay mad:). Another reason was to encourage, if possible, anyone out there in the same situation as mine.

I had a great job and relationships before the illness, my life was on a high peak of happiness and contentment and I worked hard to get there. That changed literally overnight. But something that took me by surprise was the loneliness that trickled in along with the illness, like two best friends, inseparable and intent on causing trouble. I was cast aside, no longer a productive and effective member of the society. I call it “the silent depression” and I now understand how horribly it afflicts the ill, especially the chronically ill, and the senior citizens. With Lyme, as with other toxic and neurological illnesses, the mental clarity and health deteriorates and one’s personality changes. I used to feed off the energy of multitudes of people and found solitude boring and useless. Not now.

So I sat down this morning having my breakfast of tea and a gluten-free/vegan carrot/banana bread (not my usual breakfast, but I baked last night:) thinking of all the other ill people out there in the world and the loneliness they may be experiencing. What can I say to be of encouragement? What encouragement can I receive for myself?

For those who believe in God remember that He used the most imperfect people, men and women, to do great things through. It’s never too late, you’re never too weak, to ill or too fragile to be a strong force for those around you. I am like Issac who was a dreamer, but God ended up doing great things through. What about you?

Rom. 12:15; 1 Pet. 4:10; Ex. 14:14-The Lord shall fight for you, and you shall hold your peace:) These are some verses to encourage you:)

For everyone:

Forgive.

Meditate on good things (health and a cure and remember not everything has been discovered. I strongly believe there is a cure for Lyme, Chronic Lyme, Neuro Lyme etc, even if it has not been discovered yet, but above that I believe that our body has the ability to heal from anything if given the proper balance of nutrients and extracting all toxicity out of it).

Help others. (That means even if you can only pray for them, or smile at them, or give one word of encouragement, it gives you a temporary break away from your troubles).

Make a plan for what you want to do when feeling better and start planning towards that. Here you’ll have to be realistic and change some of the past goals and plans.

The internet is a source to reach out, through support groups, but be careful not to get stuck in the negative cycle of complaining only. Some days you’ll need to unload, and you should do so keeping in mind that your audience is hurt too, but than don’t forget to smile and laugh. (Watch comedies).

The best cure for loneliness is health and being part of the society once again, until then fight like hell to get there, and I promise you once you make it to the other side a wiser person will emerge on the other side.

I’m reading this book now, and I love it. It’s a look into the human body/autoimmune/cell function with a biblical insight as well. For those who don’t have a passion for the medical field, this may be a bit boring, but it’s not hard to understand. Well written and an easy read.

http://www.scriptum.ro/librarie/mai-presus-de-stiinta.html

For those who want the book in Romanian.

God Bless:)

Vacation

Four years ago, in the middle of suffering and when my life was spent mostly in bed for months at the time in unimaginable pain, I kept my focus on a particular image; a sunny day in the future enjoying myself as a healthy woman in the middle of nature- God’s creation.  This day came to past a few months back, however, a week ago we enjoyed our first vacation since 2014, four years ago when I fell ill. I can not express the intense joy I felt during multiple moments throughout this vacation and the thanksgiving my heart expressed to God for having the opportunity to re-live such moments, even if at some point the body began to protest intense fatigue. All I did, was to take time and rest, then resume our activities.

Why am I writing this to you? Because you’ve read and seen the side of me through pain and now I want to share the other side, the side of health, the walk of health, the walk towards health. While in pain, I visualized daily the very moments I finally got to live this past week! In the past, although the body was full of death threats, no one could steal my dream hidden deep within. Never give up and if you feel fatigued in your body or in the spirit, take a few moments to rest, then go on keeping your focus on your own image of hope. For me, that image of hope was in the middle of nature, the very nature where my suffering came from through the tick bite but I was determined not to let this pain keep me a prisoner of fear.

If you are in the midst of suffering right now, what would your focus of hope look like?  Joy, peace, love, safety, new friends, health? These are the most important and in the end, these are the fruits of God’s love for us, the acceptance of our own being (the creation of God) and the love of our neighbor. Forgiveness is the way which leads to them, forgiveness and perseverance. (I know some of you will contradict this last part, as I too contradicted this part in the past, especially forgiveness. I found excuses, telling myself that I was not the one who needed to forgive, I was the hurt one and not the abuser, but I was blinded by my own anger and hurt. I forgive so I can heal. I’m also wise and not allow broken people to determine my destiny.)

I wish you a beautiful summer day, a beautiful holiday for those of you who are or will go on vacation and the grace of God may continue to be upon us as always.

God Bless:)

Gut Level Cognition

Have you ever had a gut feeling that you ignored and later on ended up regretting your decision? I’ve experienced that many times.

Emotions affect our gut feeling and our gut feeling affects our emotions. More precisely our bacterial health in the guts and neurologic signaling to the brain are affected by our emotional status controlled by fear, anger, stress, happiness, joy, etc. It either sends too many signals overloading and/or fatiguing the brain and body or sends miss-signals such as bad memories which are no longer happening but did so at one point in time, creating a perpetual state of alarm in the entire body and mind, such as the case in PTSD.

I’ve come to the conclusion, and I may be repeating myself here, that unforgiveness over past hurts, people and the decision of holding on to past painful emotions results in a weakened immune system, sometimes to a collapsing point. The good news, however, lays in body regeneration: every minute million if not billions of our cells die and new ones are born, but here’s the trick to keep in mind: cell memory. Cells have memories and will take the memory of the dying cell and continue the work until they too die and the new ones take over and so on. Do you see the pattern? In order to really heal, you have to retrain a new cell, build a new memory so to speak to the level of health you want those new cells to be. How? Start by imagining yourself healthy, or how you functioned when you were healthy and hold on to that. Talk to your body! I know, I used to find this step ridiculous until I realized that I was already talking to my body and have been for years telling it things like I don’t like my hair type, eye color, or fat content, breast size, butt size or stomach bulge. So reverse that speech. That being said, keep in mind to be realistic and okay with the body type you have, esthetic wise and focus on inner cellular health, for proper healing. After all, God gave each and every one of us our unique characteristics and we’re not meant to be a mass manufactured doll duplicates looking all like a blue-eyed, blond hair, big boobs, and butt girl do. I have girlfriends of all skin pigmentations, shape, size and age and I’ve learned good things from all of them. When I look at them I see the character before the body, yet the body and character unite to make the person precisely who they are. When I feel insecure I must remind myself that’s my own inner self-problem, a problem based on something I was at one time told with the intent to either hurt me, deflate from another’s pain, or share/spread one’s misery. A happy person simply can’t spread misery.

Another way to heal is by breathing. Just breath, and breath deeply. I realized only in my late 20s, at the suggestion of a naturopathic doctor, that I responded to any and all stressful circumstances by holding my breath. That’s how I coped back in my childhood while witnessing innumerable moments of trauma. We all have our own coping mechanisms, what’s yours?

These are more suggestions, I’m sure, but I’ll stop here, processing the few ideas I’ve put down in this blog is enough for now. Some illnesses are so far gone down a diseased road that complete healing may not be available yet. I do believe our bodies have the ability to heal in its entirety from all and any type of illness and disease, but I also believe we’re not there yet, knowledge-wise or belief-wise. Do all you can to heal yourself and envision such healing. I will not lie to you, it’s not easy when you’re not used to thinking that way but it’s possible.

 

My latest treatment:

NeuroCalm (Designs by Health brand, found on Amazon for around $54, and works fantastic for calming my nervous system),

CranActin (by Solaray, found on Amazon for $13.30/120 pill count, and it works fantastic for any urinary tract health, prevention or treatment),

MegaFlora for Women (by MegaFood, a probiotic supplement that supports Vaginal and Urinary Tract Health, Amazon for $43),

Quercetin (by Vital Nutrients, Amazon for $29, this is for respiratory and sinus, histamine support) + Bromelain (I take Bromelain and Quercetin together, By Jarrow Formulas, a pineapple enzyme that helps with inflammation reduction, Amazon $20),

Fungal Defend Tincture (By the Herbalist, Amazon $18, self-explanatory) Herbal-Biotic Tincture (The Herbalist, Amazon $18, promotes quick immune response),

Magnezium Malate (By Source Naturals, Amazon $15, supports muscle and energy production) and finally

Pro-Gest cream (By Emerita, natural progesterone due to pre-menopause lower levels of progesterone, Amazon $25, add a pearl size drop on the skin at night).

Most, if not all of these supplements are gluten-free, vegan, Non-GMO excellent brands products. Gluten-free, dairy-free, no processed foods or refined sugar diet.

For those who have time and interest, this is a great medical video. Speaker is Gabor Mate, a doctor, on “How emotions affect our cognitive functioning”.

https://youtu.be/UYvxlkCGmbQ

God Bless:)

Cancer society

Why some of us get really sick despite a good healthy diet & exercise? Why so many autoimmune illnesses in our world today, especially in a western economy?

While what I’m about to write is a partial response to the previous questions, it’s important none-the-less.

Chronic Inflammation is a killer. As most of us have realized by now, hopefully, the western medical system is set in place to manage diseases not induce health. Inflammation is combated by our immune system, but an overburdened weak immune system which 60% of its volume and 80% of its work is done in the gut, will fail to do so.

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” -Hippocrates- is not a wack job or hippy expressions as some may think. The modernized mentality of western medicine and society is either intentionally (greed and power, like Monsanto for example), or through ignorance (we can all fall into this category) killing us. I believe in this regard the older generations can teach us so many great things. Farming (non-GMO, non-toxic), gardening and a healthy relationship with each other and this earth of ours is a far better approach to life than isolation ignited by the computerized devices we’ve become addicted to.

I’m a faith believer (I don’t call myself a Christian) and I do believe in Science, but I don’t believe Science alone is the answer to anything or everything but rather a healthy relationship between these two and human relationships. Same goes for the health of the body. As soon as communication between cells ceases to exist cancer cells form. It’s the isolation which produces cancer since the cell no longer receives information, does not know what its suppose to do and begins losing self-identity. “A cancer cell is the most damaged cell in the body because it is not been able to mobilize repair processes and it’s gotten so isolated that it forgot its part of you.”- Zach Bush M.D. This is one quote from the youtube interview I shared with you at the top of this blog entry. The whole interview is almost two hours long and worth listening to multiple times.

In the midsts of my illness fight, about two years ago, one day as I waited in the car while Chet did our grocery shopping, I watched as an obese young lady shouting angrily at her family ate a hamburger from McDonald’s. From the words coming out of her mouth, the self-entitled attitude she was ill of was extremely evident. I sat there in silence, fighting to breath, white as a ghost thinking: Please be happy. Realize how good life is. Why so angry? Why so miserable? Then a slideshow of flashing images began running in my visual sight and as I watched, surprised while wondering if this was a symptom requiring medical attention, God was trying to help me understand a depth of our life I’ve never considered before. The vivid images showed me a whole process of life, connection, pain, consequences and depth; it began with life at a cellular level than to grass, trees, flowers, animals until it focused on a pig, to the cruel conditions of the pig’s life, it’s pain and fears, the hatered of the workers raising the pig attaching to the pig on a cellular level, to his cruel slaughter, to the cold manner and toxic methods of it’s meat being processed, to the stressed out meat packers working in different stages of emotional battles of their own lives, to the transportation of the meat, and the ignorant and often impatient workers at McDonalds where the meat (by now proccessed multiple times in unatural manners) ended up and to the woman I was now watching eating it. “Think of all the energy, dark or light, good or bad, that entered that hamburger and bacon. She’s not only eating all those people’s anger, hatred, despair etc, who came in contact with the meat but the pig’s pain and fear, the polluted rain it fell on him while caged, and the toxic food he was fed. Every living thing is connected to each other in ways no one imagines, you are more energy than matter, and can you see how it’s all connected?”

I haven’t talked to anyone, except Chet, about this experience due to my own skepticism on such a subject usually heard from the new age community, but in the past ten years, I have been shown some things, similar to this experience that made me ponder on certain things and do lots of research.  My strict and very conservative religious background made me shy away from such thinking, but, in my opinion, God was trying to show me something bigger than religion and old set beliefs. Over the years and with a great deal of personal studying I’m coming to the realization that God is immensely bigger than any religious upbringing and my once fearful questions: “What if the world is not the way I was taught to believe? What if God is bigger than my parents belief? Should I dare consider such a thought?” The answer is -yes. Every generation has great things to teach but we should never stop searching and ask questions.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that cancer is not only a disease of the body but of the society as well. Lack of relationships and social intereaction through isolation is cancerous.

We can change that. Let’s take care of each other and this earth, both people, and the earth were given to us as a gift from God to take care of not abuse it.

God Bless.

Our small gang:)

I’m sorry, it has been a while since my last post. IMG_0397I have been quite involved with life in a fantastically good way.

First of all, my book is going to come out in the Romanian version soon, and I have been working with couple printing and distribution companies back home. We’ve summited the cover page just last week, designed by Chet and Meleah, and its due to come out on the market back in Romania in the coming weeks. I’ll put a link on the blog once I have one to share with you, for those who read Romanian and would love to purchase a copy:)

Yesterday I finished my 24-hour CE (Continual education) required for renewing my massage therapist license and I want to do more research into the wonderful sources and discoveries linking the autoimmune and trauma to illness and chronic illness.

I’m working on my second novel, a true story of my brother Sergiu’s life and his road to a better life.

Today, my friends came over to visit and wish me an early Happy B-day:) The fact that we were, once again, around the table, eating and chatting about our lives was fantastic. Gosh, I’ve missed them and our times together. There’s nothing more beautiful than good friends around a table full of good food, good conversation, and love.

Yes, Nicole, I am writing from my corner desk in my bedroom with the nice view of the park on one side and the trees on the other side, and its a wonderful privilege I’ve dreamed of since I was 8 years old.

May life be full of good friends, good conversations, and good food on our tables. But when it’s not -those stages of life no one dreams of going through- may you and I hold on to the great memories built throughout the good times.

Now go make good memories, laugh harder and surround yourself with as much love as you can possibly handle, and if you’re at a stage in life where true love is a figment of your imagination and reality sucks, hold on to the hope that one day it will change, but don’t forget to be grateful for it when it does change.

God Bless.

 

Teasel Root

Last Monday (2/12/2018), I began a semi-new Lyme treatment protocol; a mix of tinctures such as Lyme 2 (for chronic Lyme) which follows the Buhner’s Protocol, Burbur-Pinella brain-nerve cleanse detox which is known for helping tremendously with any Herximer reactions (it really does help me) and the new addition -I actually start with this one- is Teasel Root known for its ability to pull bacteria (spirochetes) from tissue into the bloodstream exposing it to the autoimmune system or treatment.

I was aware before I began the treatment that I would start feeling rotten for a while due to die-off but how will I ever feel better and get rid of something as horrible as Lyme bacteria without being willing to go through the harshness of the process? That being said please read on the Teasel contraindications as there are few (don’t take it if you’re pregnant, have heart disease, kidney stones, etc), be wise, aks your doctor or naturopath before proceeding and start slow (one drop a day, build up to 9 drops a day, which should take about a week.)

Thursday, on day four, I woke up with severe joint/bone pain a total of 24 hours reminding me just how painful this disease really is (my least painful moments being a 7.5 on a scale of 1 to 10). It also predominated my weak joints (hips). I went for a walk anyway, mustering through every step, which surprisingly helped. Flu-like symptoms are another side-effect I noticed, but mostly a severe cervical neck muscles stiffness (can’t touch my upper chest with my chin due to the intense pain and stiffness, something I had no problem doing before I began), and this shows me the bacteria has hidden in my neck/occipital area (Stiff neck is one of Lyme’s symptoms among other diseases). The past two days I’ve woken up with a harsh headache, predominant in the occipital area. I feel as if my brain is inflamed. Also very short attention span, swollen eye-lids in the morning and irritability, but as I’m writing these symptoms down they seem worse on paper than I really feel they are on me. I’m so used to pain that these issues don’t seem so bad to me.

This entry is fully for the Lymies fellows fighting this harsh battle in hopes that any of this information may help you recover as fast as possible from your suffering.

Have a pain free day and God Bless.

 

 

http://buhnerhealinglyme.com/basics/teasel/

http://www.tiredoflyme.com/teasel-root.html

http://www.lyme-disease-research-database.com/lyme_disease_blog_files/mathew-wood.html

https://hemlocklily.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/wild-teasel-dipsacus-fullonum-syn-dipsacus-sylvestris/