You Asked I Answer-Part II-Depression

What happens when our prayers for a miracle do not bring the miracle? Usually, disappointment shows up. Some doubt. At times hope fades and anger rises. Eventually, we accept the new version of our lives which is a less desirable one. But when questions or doubts or judgments or criticism are shoved our way by others we feel like complete failures. You know the type of doubts: Did you pray? For how long? How hard? Did you really believe it? The sin in your life must be the size of a whopping Big Mac if you’re not healed yet. The sins of your father are the size of an entire Mcdonald’s. Your mother’s sins are the size of a whole fast food franchise! Have you lost your vision? What about your focus? Is this a spiritual battle? A medical one? Both? Is the problem in the body? Mind? Spirit? All three? Devil vs God? Health, vs disease? Well, vs unwell. It is Karma? Jesus does not like me. Or Budhha, or Muhammad so on. Do I even deserve to get better?

You’re not alone in this madness, for this is a form of unsettled madness. We all do it, whether we believe in a god or not. You blame yourself, your ancestors, your genes, your spouse, the system, and even your pet and all this does for you is inflate the scale of the burdens you already feel weighed down by. When no amount of meditation, magic tea, or the right treatment brings you relief, then desperation crawls into your soul and does not want to leave. And that’s when fellow believers should crack their knuckles and see how they could help, but for many, quite the opposite happens. These fellow believers deliver the harshest of blows with their judgments and views.

We’ve all done it, myself included but when we’re at the receiving end it stinks. It makes us feel guilty. Defensive. Like we did something wrong. Like we messed up. And maybe some of us did mess up. Maybe some of us do need a radical change. I needed one. Not in my diet, or lifestyle. Those were fine for the better part. I needed a radical change in my mind, my thoughts. I needed to stop hating myself, to learn to believe that I was loved by other people, that I was worth everything in God’s eyes. But learning that we have value and we’re enough just the way we are is a hard lesson in reality.

But you asked me: How do you deal with fellow Christians doubting you are sick? Making everything sound like it’s your fault and the Devil you let in, which is also your fault?

Mama mia! How indeed? It’s hard to answer this question. Why? Because each of us is constantly oscillating between giving unwanted advice or being on the receiving end of such unwanted advice. So how do we go about this?

I have come to the conclusion that one must focus on its own healing and let the other’s voice be like a distant echo in your life. Grab what helps, and let go of anything else. Easily said right? Hard to do.

I’ve also come to believe that our doubts in self-healing powers ( faith that God died to heal you, remember?) and self-care- body-soul and spirit- are at the root of most of our suffering. I really believe the majority of humanity is suicidal. At least they have suicidal behavior. Let me explain: we’re killing ourselves -what does the Bible say about suicide?- with a toxic diet, a toxic environment, a toxic mind, and toxic beliefs. We are committing suicide. We are the slow suicides. Our methods differ slightly from a typical suicide attempt and we’ve lied to our conscious for so long about how our lifestyle is fine that we no longer see the metaphorical knife in our hands. I know this is a touchy subject for some of you who’ve had family members or friends that committed suicide, so I do apologize. There’s zero intent to make light of this situation, quite the opposite. People of all faiths are struggling with depression. It is a fact. Another fact is the medical research showing the imbalance happening in the body of those suffering from depression. In reality, we ALL have some sort of mental instability, but some are better at hiding it than others. We’re struggling one way or another, but some choose not to focus on their imbalance by challenging another’s imbalance. Bad move. That person you’re challenging could be one second away from giving up. But why is mental illness so taboo? Especially since it’s obvious that prescribed pharmaceutical drugs have such dark side effects and push far too many into the darkest side of life. This is not a Jesus thing, or Budhha, or anyone other than humans. This is a human thing. We pollute the land, the waters, the air, the food, the soul, and the mind. We’re responsible so next time when someone is struggling with depression stop telling them they need Jesus and make sure they get help in a good detoxification program meant to help the body, soul, and mind. You haven’t helped one bit with your “you need Jesus” statement. It is a cop-out to keep you from actually helping the one suffering. I do that too at times, maybe because I’m in a hurry, maybe because I don’t feel like helping, blind to the inner struggles of the other and forgetting for a moment the importance of human life. I think of Robin Williams, a great actor, and comedian who struggled but kept going until one day when it became too much. Or Mother Teresa, a woman who helped so many less fortunate but very important human beings while dealing with her own deep struggle with depression. Both Robin and Teresa focused on helping others in different ways. I really believe helping others is what gives us the strength to fight our own battles. It reminds us we’re not alone in our pain, it connects us with our human brothers and sisters.

I find the biggest tragedy in our lives is that we’re too noisy in our heads and in our hearts to really see the truth beyond the physical aspect, blind to that pure and honest beauty some of us call God. I also find it criminal when we hurt others in the name of this existence/God, believing that its character is as dark as ours, and completely missing the ignorance and falsehood of our own beliefs.

Luke 18:8 NIV

However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

I believe it’s not about our inability to have faith or believe in something wonderful, I believe we live in a noisy world, a deafening noise in our own minds and body that blocks and/or hinders the whispers of this wonderful existence beyond, an existence some call it Christ, but it really has many names.

I close with this: I wish I had the cure or the answer. I don’t. We have to work together to find the answer and I really believe this answer and many others lie in the action of caring for each other.

God Bless

Books I love and recommend to help with finding the inner strength to take your healing to a next level:

-Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza and “You are the placebo” by the same author

-The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

-The Book of Joy with Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu

This post does not address the cruel, sick people out there who simply love to hurt someone else and need some serious rehabilitation. This is about everyday people.

The monster inside of me- documentary teaser

It’s hard to watch this without feeling the pain of their battles. As I’ve relapsed in September and had seizures or tendencies to fall into one almost hourly, I know how nasty it is. I’m slowly coming out of it, but I’m still in lots of pain, and the cold, gray weather does not help.

I have to focus on one step at the time and keep moving forward. Is it sinister what’s happening to people suffering from this disease? Yes. Is this the only disease hurting others? No. This one, along with a few others are hard to diagnose, understand, and eliminate. So far. We hope the research will reveal a cure and the government will allow it.

Have a good day today and hope for a healthy tomorrow:)

God Bless:)

Justin Bieber Battling Lyme Disease

I’m not in Justin Bieber’s generation, more in Michael Jackson and Toby Mac, but finding out that he’s been battling Lyme Disease in 2019 (and maybe further back) its heart breaking. Any Lyme warriors will tell you its heart breaking to find out yet another victim fell in the paralyzing claws of this invisible yet severely vicious disease. Only those suffering know the truth that lies in the battle, and it’s a long battle, unfortunately. We pray and await the day when a cure will be found, so all the researchers out there, please hurry! Until then, I wish Justin, myself and every single fellow sufferer a great day void of pain and a complete recovery in the near future:) Love you all and God Bless:)

Loneliness during illness

I began this web/blog site with the intent to keep a track on my medical info, since my short-term memory was seriously injured- still is to a certain degree, which can be a fantastic blessing when I get frustrated over small things, because I soon forget them and I’m left without a reason to stay mad:). Another reason was to encourage, if possible, anyone out there in the same situation as mine.

I had a great job and relationships before the illness, my life was on a high peak of happiness and contentment and I worked hard to get there. That changed literally overnight. But something that took me by surprise was the loneliness that trickled in along with the illness, like two best friends, inseparable and intent on causing trouble. I was cast aside, no longer a productive and effective member of the society. I call it “the silent depression” and I now understand how horribly it afflicts the ill, especially the chronically ill, and the senior citizens. With Lyme, as with other toxic and neurological illnesses, the mental clarity and health deteriorates and one’s personality changes. I used to feed off the energy of multitudes of people and found solitude boring and useless. Not now.

So I sat down this morning having my breakfast of tea and a gluten-free/vegan carrot/banana bread (not my usual breakfast, but I baked last night:) thinking of all the other ill people out there in the world and the loneliness they may be experiencing. What can I say to be of encouragement? What encouragement can I receive for myself?

For those who believe in God remember that He used the most imperfect people, men and women, to do great things through. It’s never too late, you’re never too weak, to ill or too fragile to be a strong force for those around you. I am like Issac who was a dreamer, but God ended up doing great things through. What about you?

Rom. 12:15; 1 Pet. 4:10; Ex. 14:14-The Lord shall fight for you, and you shall hold your peace:) These are some verses to encourage you:)

For everyone:


Meditate on good things (health and a cure and remember not everything has been discovered. I strongly believe there is a cure for Lyme, Chronic Lyme, Neuro Lyme etc, even if it has not been discovered yet, but above that I believe that our body has the ability to heal from anything if given the proper balance of nutrients and extracting all toxicity out of it).

Help others. (That means even if you can only pray for them, or smile at them, or give one word of encouragement, it gives you a temporary break away from your troubles).

Make a plan for what you want to do when feeling better and start planning towards that. Here you’ll have to be realistic and change some of the past goals and plans.

The internet is a source to reach out, through support groups, but be careful not to get stuck in the negative cycle of complaining only. Some days you’ll need to unload, and you should do so keeping in mind that your audience is hurt too, but than don’t forget to smile and laugh. (Watch comedies).

The best cure for loneliness is health and being part of the society once again, until then fight like hell to get there, and I promise you once you make it to the other side a wiser person will emerge on the other side.

I’m reading this book now, and I love it. It’s a look into the human body/autoimmune/cell function with a biblical insight as well. For those who don’t have a passion for the medical field, this may be a bit boring, but it’s not hard to understand. Well written and an easy read.

For those who want the book in Romanian.

God Bless:)

Prayer for anyone battling an Autoimmune Disease


Father God, there may be more days lately of pain, sorrow and tears than joy and victory for some, but in the midst of such shadows, I thank you for our lives, for family, for friends, for this breath of life, even if quivering. You are on our side in the midsts of all this, and for that we’re thankful. We are not alone, you may feel alone, but you are not alone. Touch and shrivel cancer, MS, Lyme Disease, Chronic Fybromialgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, back pain, pelvic pain, Heart Disease, tumors, mental issues, bone problems, cardio problems, breathing problems, lymphatic problems, depression, neuro problems, muscular problems, broken heart, discouragement, trauma, abuse, and all other issues and illnesses not mentioned here, we wrap them in one bouquet of shattered pasts, and we let the light of God invade our bodies, minds, and souls with the  hope and joy, health in the body and mind, and our relationships restored between each other and God. Amen.


P.S. Tomorrow I’ll be praying specifically for lower back problems, please leave me your name only so I can bring you up in my prayers. Join me in prayer because where two or more are joined in the name of Jesus, he’ll be amongst us:)

God Bless:)