What happens when our prayers for a miracle do not bring the miracle? Usually, disappointment shows up. Some doubt. At times hope fades and anger rises. Eventually, we accept the new version of our lives which is a less desirable one. But when questions or doubts or judgments or criticism are shoved our way by others we feel like complete failures. You know the type of doubts: Did you pray? For how long? How hard? Did you really believe it? The sin in your life must be the size of a whopping Big Mac if you’re not healed yet. The sins of your father are the size of an entire Mcdonald’s. Your mother’s sins are the size of a whole fast food franchise! Have you lost your vision? What about your focus? Is this a spiritual battle? A medical one? Both? Is the problem in the body? Mind? Spirit? All three? Devil vs God? Health, vs disease? Well, vs unwell. It is Karma? Jesus does not like me. Or Budhha, or Muhammad so on. Do I even deserve to get better?

You’re not alone in this madness, for this is a form of unsettled madness. We all do it, whether we believe in a god or not. You blame yourself, your ancestors, your genes, your spouse, the system, and even your pet and all this does for you is inflate the scale of the burdens you already feel weighed down by. When no amount of meditation, magic tea, or the right treatment brings you relief, then desperation crawls into your soul and does not want to leave. And that’s when fellow believers should crack their knuckles and see how they could help, but for many, quite the opposite happens. These fellow believers deliver the harshest of blows with their judgments and views.

We’ve all done it, myself included but when we’re at the receiving end it stinks. It makes us feel guilty. Defensive. Like we did something wrong. Like we messed up. And maybe some of us did mess up. Maybe some of us do need a radical change. I needed one. Not in my diet, or lifestyle. Those were fine for the better part. I needed a radical change in my mind, my thoughts. I needed to stop hating myself, to learn to believe that I was loved by other people, that I was worth everything in God’s eyes. But learning that we have value and we’re enough just the way we are is a hard lesson in reality.

But you asked me: How do you deal with fellow Christians doubting you are sick? Making everything sound like it’s your fault and the Devil you let in, which is also your fault?

Mama mia! How indeed? It’s hard to answer this question. Why? Because each of us is constantly oscillating between giving unwanted advice or being on the receiving end of such unwanted advice. So how do we go about this?

I have come to the conclusion that one must focus on its own healing and let the other’s voice be like a distant echo in your life. Grab what helps, and let go of anything else. Easily said right? Hard to do.

I’ve also come to believe that our doubts in self-healing powers ( faith that God died to heal you, remember?) and self-care- body-soul and spirit- are at the root of most of our suffering. I really believe the majority of humanity is suicidal. At least they have suicidal behavior. Let me explain: we’re killing ourselves -what does the Bible say about suicide?- with a toxic diet, a toxic environment, a toxic mind, and toxic beliefs. We are committing suicide. We are the slow suicides. Our methods differ slightly from a typical suicide attempt and we’ve lied to our conscious for so long about how our lifestyle is fine that we no longer see the metaphorical knife in our hands. I know this is a touchy subject for some of you who’ve had family members or friends that committed suicide, so I do apologize. There’s zero intent to make light of this situation, quite the opposite. People of all faiths are struggling with depression. It is a fact. Another fact is the medical research showing the imbalance happening in the body of those suffering from depression. In reality, we ALL have some sort of mental instability, but some are better at hiding it than others. We’re struggling one way or another, but some choose not to focus on their imbalance by challenging another’s imbalance. Bad move. That person you’re challenging could be one second away from giving up. But why is mental illness so taboo? Especially since it’s obvious that prescribed pharmaceutical drugs have such dark side effects and push far too many into the darkest side of life. This is not a Jesus thing, or Budhha, or anyone other than humans. This is a human thing. We pollute the land, the waters, the air, the food, the soul, and the mind. We’re responsible so next time when someone is struggling with depression stop telling them they need Jesus and make sure they get help in a good detoxification program meant to help the body, soul, and mind. You haven’t helped one bit with your “you need Jesus” statement. It is a cop-out to keep you from actually helping the one suffering. I do that too at times, maybe because I’m in a hurry, maybe because I don’t feel like helping, blind to the inner struggles of the other and forgetting for a moment the importance of human life. I think of Robin Williams, a great actor, and comedian who struggled but kept going until one day when it became too much. Or Mother Teresa, a woman who helped so many less fortunate but very important human beings while dealing with her own deep struggle with depression. Both Robin and Teresa focused on helping others in different ways. I really believe helping others is what gives us the strength to fight our own battles. It reminds us we’re not alone in our pain, it connects us with our human brothers and sisters.

I find the biggest tragedy in our lives is that we’re too noisy in our heads and in our hearts to really see the truth beyond the physical aspect, blind to that pure and honest beauty some of us call God. I also find it criminal when we hurt others in the name of this existence/God, believing that its character is as dark as ours, and completely missing the ignorance and falsehood of our own beliefs.

Luke 18:8 NIV

However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

I believe it’s not about our inability to have faith or believe in something wonderful, I believe we live in a noisy world, a deafening noise in our own minds and body that blocks and/or hinders the whispers of this wonderful existence beyond, an existence some call it Christ, but it really has many names.

I close with this: I wish I had the cure or the answer. I don’t. We have to work together to find the answer and I really believe this answer and many others lie in the action of caring for each other.

God Bless

Books I love and recommend to help with finding the inner strength to take your healing to a next level:

-Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza and “You are the placebo” by the same author

-The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

-The Book of Joy with Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu

This post does not address the cruel, sick people out there who simply love to hurt someone else and need some serious rehabilitation. This is about everyday people.