Broken no more.

We all experience brokenness in ways familiar, unfamiliar and downright surprising, and most of us tend to feel shame when the scars of such an experience start to mark us.

I remember, about six or seven years ago now, one late evening I got a phone call from my siblings back home announcing me that our mother was ill and in the hospital. I was in bed already finishing a Bible study homework due the next morning at the women’s Bible study I used to attend for many years. But as I ended the conversation and began praying, my words were caught mid-sentence, never finishing my prayer because I began to see something God wanted me to see- a reassurance I’ll never forget.

I saw my mother with the help of this vision and I went inside her body and traveled like a small speck of dust within her circulatory system all throughout her body, seeing shadows in places representing illness and a normal light where health existed. In a blink of an eye, a liquid light brilliant like gold and diamond wrapped in thousands of acres of sparkles began moving quickly through her veins, her tissues, ner nervous system and as I watched a whisper spoke: She’ll be alright, don’t worry, the light will cure her. Then it was over and I never worried about her outcome knowing full well she would be fine.

When broken, the light of God moves within you eager to fill the holes and the cracks, creating a piece of art unexpectedly more different than your pre-conceived notions ever expected. If you take an honest look at it, you’ll allow yourself to see the same beauty God’s sees, it may look very different than your pre-conceived notion of beautiful, perfect, put together, normal, secure etc but it does not mean it’s any less radiant… if you just look you may just see its brilliance, and that’s when you’ll be able to really smile with a smile of pure joy and tell yourself…broken no more.

God Bless:)

Lyme and Exercise

To the people that are healthy, I honestly say: Thank God for that! To be healthy is a colossal blessing. For the people who are fighting chronic immune system diseases such as Lyme Disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MS and the list goes on, you’ll relate to what I’m going to write next.

Any one with diseases mentioned above, including cancer and on chemo, exercise and disease mixes like oil and water. Exercise is very important, more so during these stages, however the body is under such tremendous attack, that it can’t handle exercise any longer. Not when all your energy is spent fighting off what ever is attacking you and even a fast shower -never mind shaving, that’s only a luxury at this point- is depleting whatever reserves you may have.

I remember that stage. I was told, by healthy doctors, to take 10 minutes walks everyday because my lymphatic system got stuck. As much as I understood the absolute need to move the lymphatic system- which delivers nourishment and removes toxins from the circulatory system- I had to give this answer, many times;

“I’d love to. You have no idea how much I’d love to walk for 1 minute let alone 10 minutes, but just coming and seeing you is taking such a tool on my body, I’ll be in bed around the clock for a whole week to recover from this.”

During such low moments, I would advise, take deep slow breaths while you’re in bed, miserable, wondering if you’ll see tomorrow. Deep breaths helps the lymph nodes in your gut area- quite large lymph nodes- and will help push things along.

Now, I’m the type of personality that pushes. As I gained any amount of strength I would try to take walks. I remember celebrating when I made it to the end of my driveway and back. It took weeks to build up that strengths and lots of medicine, but I never gave up. I kept on thinking -and arguing at times with my body- we’ll either make it or we’ll die trying. I also began thanking my body for every success- no matter how small. I realized I’ve been  very unforgiving towards my body, pushing it and pushing it until it finally collapsed. Now I’m grateful towards myself and I cheer my heart, lungs, liver etc with every success just like I do with my children’s successes. I had to cease my long time hateful relationship with myself.

Start with deep breaths, but envision the one minute walks, then the two minutes walks followed by 10 min, and one day walking all day long without any consequences other than the usual exhaust from the usual effort.

I’m doing so much better, and in good days I’ve been able to play tennis for up to 10 minutes -even if I have to recover for a whole week afterwards every time – and I keep on pushing because I love life. It’s a gift from God and I’m grateful for the chance to live another day.

Have a good day, today.

God Bless:)

The White Canvas

About seven years ago, while in front of my sink doing the mundane chore of washing dishes, I heard God. He chose that setting intentionally, to counteract the curse this mundane chore took upon itself.

“No matter how good you are you’ll aways end up in front of pots and pans, so don’t bother trying anything else.” These were the words of my mother, spoken in a moment of personal weakness and pain. But I took it as scripture and hated this mundane task ever since. It mocked my potential, reminding me I was nothing more than a dishwasher.

God chose this setting intentionally to speak to me for a season, raising in me a desire to wash dishes.

“You must forgive, Carmen.” Easy said. The people who brought pain in my life are not worthy of my forgiveness, I thought.

“You must forgive. You must leave the past behind.” What is the past? A day? A month? A year?

“Every second that moves from present to past is your past.” A shiver ran down my spine. I began understanding something new, something powerful, but I needed assurance more than I needed a further explanation. I believe when we need further explanation, in fact, we simply need further assurance in the form of a repetitive pattern of hearing something good. Bad, we seem to accept right away, many times without investigating the source and their intention. Like all wounded human being I needed that assurance.

“Every second you live is your present, every second past that is your past.” The repetition was necessary and welcomed. I pondered amazed. This is too good to be true, I thought.

“Carmen, with every present second the canvas of your life starts white. You decide the pattern and colors of your life. You no longer have to drag the mucky colors of your past into the new canvas. Leave it behind. I made it possible for you. You can start new every second of your life. How do you want your canvas of life to look now?” Tears ran down my face as I slowly absorbed the unbelievably great news. I had the freedom provided by Jesus to start new every second. I didn’t need to bring the ugly of the past, which was weighing me down so much, into my new canvas. I had billions of chances and billions of white canvasses to paint my life the way I wanted it to be and not the way others tried to manipulate me into painting it. I was free to choose. Free of past, free of pain, free of guilt, free of fear, free of bitterness, free of insecurity and the list kept going. How do I want my new canvas to look like now? So many possibilities! All so very wonderful! A new beginning with every breath of my life.

How about you? How do you want your canvas to look like? You have a new start with every breath of your life:) Think of the fantastic possilities. No more hold backs, no more past to drag you down. Just paint! Use the beautiful colors and smile while you decide the look of your canvas:)))))

God Bless:)

 

Power of prayers

“Does prayer really work?”

I’ve wondered that often in the past, and there was always a level of doubt lingering around my heart, especially right after a prayer seemingly was not answered.

Since 2014, I feel very differed about prayer. I was meant to die, but God had other plans. He touched my heart so many times before, but through the “valley of shadows” or “Satan’s disease” as I eloquently put it, I’ve seen his care, like never before. Sure, the battle is not over, not yet, but that does not mean I’m not at peace. Prayers do work. It’s as simple as that. I should’ve been dead by now, maybe you too, but we’re not and, personally I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for my friend Lynn and the fact that she is fighting her battle, or my friend Gabi, or my mother-in-law, Janet, who fought hard and succeeded:) Or Miha, or tanti Nina, or Lena, or, or , or. I’m so glad I have them in my life and I see how strong they really are.

Last night, as I was praying for someone close to my heart, I was allowed to see fragments of the invisible world- the action behind the curtain- is one way of putting it. It was brief, powerful and left my hair standing up all over my body.

A baby elephant was raising his trunk up to the sky, crying (the dear one I was praying for). Circling above his head, like vultures, were a few shadow spirits. They really looked like shadows, circling over the baby elephant. I knew the person needed help. So I continued to pray. Within minutes, brief and powerful, I saw three angels, dropping from the sky with the spread of light- just like lightning- powerful, spears drawn (meaning judgement) and going straight for the shadows. A battle was about to take place. Than all went back to normal, but I felt my heart light and there was peace.

“Well Carmen, that could be a result of your religious brainwashing…” This is a doubt I would’ve (and I did) addressed myself, in order to explain away what just happened. Not today. I do not consider myself religious at all, in fact, I avoid religion when possible. But there are realities out there beyond our understanding and it does take faith to believe them or not. Oh, come on, we all have faith in something. How about when you sit in a chair? You have faith that it will hold you up, based on repeated past experiences, etc.

So, in my humble opinion, prayers work far better than we realize and can cause a very powerful ripple in our lives. I’ll keep praying, that’s for sure. I’ll also have lots of questions, I’ll have realizations of things I thought wrong about in the past, mistakes I’ve made that I need to change, but isn’t this part of living, and hopefully living well?

So keep on praying, because in the invisible realm, powerful being (angels) go to battle for us.

God Bless.