I hope you get a chance to relax and enjoy this little video I shot and put together for you. Meditate on the things that matter to you, as I also do.
You see last week I had a nasty seizure which threw me back on my progress chart a few degrees, both physically and emotionally. It’s not easy to climb over thoughts such as “not again”, “will I ever”, “I just want to be” etc but giving up its not an option for me since I have too much to lose and would hurt too many people that I love. So I must go on. But getting back up, and moving forward while hurting, having half of my body not functioning as it should and wondering how long will it take until I fully recover is not as easy as you may think. I wish I could be poetic about all this but pain and struggle bring more misery than poetry (unless its some sort of emotional heartbreak and then you should see my muse dance and come up with all sorts of rimes and wisdom:) But for now I try not to fall on my face as I experience dizziness, I try not to walk into walls as my balance seems to be taking a vacation, and I try to smile through the pain all my limbs seemed to join in. I am weak and strong, frail and tough, happy and sad.
What caused such a relapse? Accumulation of stress (I like to collect:) Nasty flue which left a frail immune system exposed, taking up nursing duties as my family laid ill in their beds, work, and the happy visit of my cuz. But the body can’t recognize happy stress from bad stress, just files all that info in the “STRESS” file of my life while smiling knowing what’s to come. But I drove downtown! Took my cuz and my daughter to the Seattle Space Needle and other places and I’m sure inside my head there was a small voice protesting to all the exitement…which I clearly ignored. Did I learn my lesson? Depends on which side of the lesson you are. I would say, yes, then explain. I’ve learned that I have the strength to drive downtown (even if for a day every few months:) I’ve learned that my body is getting strong and able to handle more fun, I learned that relapses do happen and not to focus on them, I learned I’m fun again! Even if in a small increment at the time:) Did I learn my lesson? You be the judge, but I no matter what you decide I smile the whole way because I DROVE DOWNTOWN SEATTLE AND HAD FUN WITH MY CUZ AND DAUGHTER ON TOP OF THE SPACE NEEDLE, and that to me is priceless and worth every muscle twitch and pain;) I would do it all over again the same way, no regrets. Now go have a good time living life in whichever increments of strength you can muster, and when herxing (for my Lyme warriors or all with any autoimmune troubles:) smile because you got to the herxing reaction by living life and in the end you had a say, a choice, not the stupid illness that’s trying to kill us:)
Sure places like Montana and Colorado, Canada and Eastern Europe is used to this sort of winter but to us, this is rare:))) About once a year I’d say. This year it happened twice:))) Snowpocalypse continues:))))))
It’s about to start:)))) Alberstons in Magnolia was running out of eggs yesterday, and New Seasons in Ballard was full last night. Thousands of dollars were spent yesterday and I’m sure today is a similar scenario. The school is going to close 75 minutes earlier and since we live on a hill, a shady hill still hosting slippery and snowy patches, Chet’s planning to come home early… if it gets bad out there that is. Thus we prepared. If the weather suddenly decides to remain sunny, warm and void of snow, we’re set with food for the upcoming six months:)))) I think it’s hilarious how much agitation is around the snow but it wasn’t funny when I was running out of certain foods the first time it snowed. My daughter is out driving, on her way home and texted us that’s chaos out here already, a stop and go traffic in Magnolia at the Fisherman’s terminal. The construction workers just stopped working and are leaving. I heard them out there laughing about not wanting to get stuck for the whole weekend here:)
I will most likely get cabin fever soon so I’ll have lots of time to write blogs these coming days, cooped up in here. Baking and writing I guess:))))))
Tonight while watching the Netflix Original documentary, Quincy, I found out something interesting I never knew about Chet. While living with Grandpa Charlie in Skyway, Seattle, he met and formed a friendship with Quincy Jones’ mother Sarah Wells Jones.
During an intermission of the Bill Gothard Christian Conference called “Insitute in Basic Life Principles” in 1988 at the Seattle Center, most likely at the Key Arena, while reading his Bible outside on a bench a thin lady sat down next to him and soon a conversation began, mostly about the Bible and God, creating an instant bond between the two. Soon after, Chet began visiting her small apartment downtown where she watched a small boy and girl most days. He remembers the good humor they shared while spending time together despite the age difference and the odd homeless look she seemed to have about her. He also noticed that something was a little off with her at times.
In their conversations, the name of Quincy Jones and his brother Lloyd came up and that’s when Chet realized the connection and wondered why would the mother of Quincy Jones live in such a small run-down apartment, knowing absolutely nothing of the personal history between the two. Sarah Jones seemed to be more proud of Lloyd and his important job at the Komo TV station, mentioning him often in the conversation, while hardly mentioning Quincy.
The relationship lasted about six months while Chet moved on to other things in his life and even though their friendship was short-lived, throughout the years he still thinks about her fondly.
Well, I learn surprising new things every day:)
I’ve picked up a new habit, electric skateboarding…sitting style:)
I’ve never skateboarded in my life, however, that recently has changed after trying out Chet’s electric skateboard. Then I’ve ordered mine:)
Usually, I experience fear before getting on the board and if I did let my mind run wild I could easily talk myself out of a potential fun time. The imaginary bad scenarios can be scary:) So I stop the doubt. I have to find my spot on the board just so, one mm off and I get the wobbles and have a hard time turning. I feel the board for a few seconds making sure we’re in agreement. Then I start and as it slightly jerks me forward my stomach tightness and fear wants to have the final word.
These seconds or minutes before every single ride are the hardest; the body works hard in convincing me that laying comfortably on a couch and away from any potential harm is a better idea. But before the wind touches the soul it must touch my face first and for that to happen I must ride. So I do and few seconds in I feel a deep sense of freedom and joy hard to explain. I feel light and no longer burdened. I simply savor the moment of pure bliss.
In life many times we find ourselves in similar situations. The fears of what ifs can intimidate us into complacency and away from joyful moments. It can keep us in the fear zone (which in reality is infinitely smaller than the fun we can have afterward) and prevent us from building another beautiful memory worth preserving.
Pass through the fears of the moment so you can let the wind of joy touch your soul.
The video shows my mother-in-law, Janet, on her electric bike and me on the electric skateboard. Chet’s videotaping:)
P.S. I am impressed by my mother-in-law who battled and won against cancer, and to see her out and about living life is wonderful:)