For context read Parts 1 and 2.
Note: I would never presume anyone could or should change overnight. It takes time to heal. My walk toward healing began many years ago and it was a gradual advance. At times I got stuck. At times I had great victories. A deep desire fueled my efforts to search, read and practice what I learned. If I would have read the books I’m reading today back then most likely I would’ve reacted to the information. Today it’s different. I can put my ego aside and read them with intense interest and perspective.
Why so angry?
I’ve asked myself this question over the years while busy blaming people. There was some foundation to my acute anger, such as a certain amount of pain and hard life circumstances but let me tell you where I went wrong. I call it a chronic state of anger. Yep. And I chose to live in that state, unintentionally at first but habitually later on.
What is chronic anger? At least in my case? Choosing to repeat over and over in my mind some unfortunate event that happened to me a thousand times. My body thus lived a thousand perceived misfortunes and it paid dearly for that. Since at times, I’m positive I was the cause of someone else’s pain this is a subject that includes most of us. This is not a blame game but rather a way to heal, the road out of a bad cycle we can get trapped in.
Consequence of chronic anger? A weakened immune system over a prolonged period of time until the bomb explodes inside us and we are no longer the people we used to be. This happens due to “forgiveness insufficiency” as I call it, or forgiveness atrophy in my case. I’ve never used the forgiving muscles while younger and when I needed them they were not there to do the job, thus forgiveness atrophy followed.
How do we change?
There are many books and therapy styles out there. I’ll choose the two books I’m reading at the moment. Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents -How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, and Mind to Matter by Dawson Church.
We’ll start with Emotional Neglect.
To be continued in Part 4.