faith

Carte Noua!

/ Carmen McKnight / 2 Comments

 

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O marturisire personala, acum pe piata privata Romaneasca:))))

Detaliile sunt afisate pe pagina Book/Carte:) Pute-ti lasa mesaj privat pe Facebook sau telefon la sora mea Delia la +40 760 562 282 pentru a da comanda, cu numele, adresa si cantitatea de copii:) Imi pute-ti lasa si mie mesaj privat pe Facebook cu aceelasi detalii.

Costul: 30 de lei +11 lei prin rambus transportul (posta) in tara Romania.

Europe: 20 Euro (Inclus transportul in pret).

Pret redus pana la sfarsitul lunii pe paypal. (14 Euro sau 15$, transportul inclus)

 

Rascumparata Prin Iubire-Carte

Transportul inclus in pret. În 1989 după căderea communismului în România, nu numai țara se găsește în mijlocul multor schimbări dar și Carmen, o adolescentă hărțuită de încercări, printre care și un missionar American. Va reuși ea să înfrunte atât durerea trecutului cât și frica prezentă în fața alegerii unei vieți noi? Acest roman este bazat în totalitate pe experiențele personale a autorului și va trasporta cititorii în adâncul luptelor ei emoționale ca copil și în cele din urmă ca femeie, soție, soră și copil a lui Dumenezeu. Acest roman este primul într-o serie, bazat pe viețile fraților și a surorilor Damean din Hunedoara. 372 de pagini. In pret este inclus si transportul.

€14.00

America: $20 (transportul inclus in pret).

 

Rascumparata Prin Iubire- Carte

Transportul inclus in pret. În 1989 după căderea communismului în România, nu numai țara se găsește în mijlocul multor schimbări dar și Carmen, o adolescentă hărțuită de încercări, printre care și un missionar American. Va reuși ea să înfrunte atât durerea trecutului cât și frica prezentă în fața alegerii unei vieți noi? Acest roman este bazat în totalitate pe experiențele personale a autorului și va trasporta cititorii în adâncul luptelor ei emoționale ca copil și în cele din urmă ca femeie, soție, soră și copil a lui Dumenezeu. Acest roman este primul într-o serie, bazat pe viețile fraților și a surorilor Damean din Hunedoara. 372 de pagini.

$15.00

Multumesc anticipat 🙂

În 1989 după căderea communismului în România, nu numai țara se găsește în mijlocul multor schimbări dar și Carmen, o adolescentă hărțuită de încercări, printre care și un missionar American. Va reuși ea să înfrunte atât durerea trecutului cât și frica prezentă în fața alegerii unei vieți noi? Acest roman este bazat în totalitate pe experiențele personale a autorului și va trasporta cititorii în adâncul luptelor ei emoționale ca copil și în cele din urmă ca femeie, soție, soră și copil a lui Dumenezeu. Acest roman este primul într-o serie, bazat pe viețile fraților și a surorilor Damean din Hunedoara. 372 de pagini.

The Battle Within

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

For my sister Delia:)

Within all of us lay a hidden battle, some having to do with uncertainty, or pain, or unanswered questions so on and so forth. Lately, my inner battle has been whether I should keep on writing in this blog, exposing my fears and victories, or not. But talking to my sister Delia gave me my answer.

We all have gifts. Mine happens to be the gift of writing. We all have moments in our lives in which we doubt whether our gifts are real or not, or simply they’re a personal delusion on which we feed when bored or overexcited. I’ve been fearful to write the past month or so, questioning many things, such as the need for yet another story in this world, but what if that story is exactly what someone else needs now in order to push through today’s pain and uncertainty?

Last week I’ve visited the doctors again, making sure they don’t miss my absence:) Kidding. The back/pelvic pain and fever became unbearable.

 

As you can tell, things could be better. I suspect a kidney related infection. I’ve had a few procedures done and no communication, as yet, from the urology specialists. I’ve been given a prescription for an unrelated matter and good luck chump. The prescription causes cancer and I feel ignored. I’m sharing this because of my frustration in the western medical system who was eager to get me to do few expensive tests but not bothered to give a diagnosis or treatment for something that it’s obviously an issue. I’m sure some of you have been through something similar, felt frustrated and let down, yet again, by the medical system who does not seem interested in curing anyone. But I will not give up, not yet anyway. There’s life to be lived and things to be done:)

So, if you have a talent but you feel reluctant to pursue because you may feel “what’s the point?” especially when others seem only interested into milking and ignoring you, do it anyway for the simple reason that you can. Others dream to have your gifting, but you have it so go use it and help someone. No grand gestures necessary, no big words required, just your willingness. Start small and move forward.

 

P.S. Morning the death of a nice uncle, who died today from cancer. Uncle Relu was a hardworking, nice man.

God Bless:)

Finally:))))))

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

I hate Mercy Me’s song “I can only imagine”, oh my gosh I can’t stand that song!!!! I may be stepping on some toes here but I’m sure that every single one of you has at least one song which you hate passionately, even if that song is from a Christian genre. Mine is “I can only imagine”, it scrapes my brains with static noise and makes me want to scream in pain.

Christian genre has a tendency to put a sad twist to most songs (even if they have an encouraging message) unless you’re Toby Mac or Mandisa;) Which begs the questions: Are all the Christians in this world miserable? Christians don’t love to dance and have a good time celebrating life? I know that’s not true, but if you were to judge the christian faith by the songs alone you would think that God is the saddest aspect of life, void of fun, a sense of humor and good taste.

There is a time to grieve, a time to encourage, a time to be a shoulder for someone to cry on and there’s a time to simply celebrate!!!!!! To jump up and dance because life is good, not perfect and definitely not void of challenges, but good none-the-less. So here’s a song I can finally get up and dance and thank God for my life, despite the fact that I have an infection that’s scrambling my brain in a galactic amount of pain. However when I listen to these types of songs I smile, I laugh and I keep on telling myself: It’s just pain, Carmen, not the end of the world, just pain.

Hope you enjoy this particular song as much as I am and have a great time dancing through or despite the challenges in your life because life is good:)

God Bless:)

The road towards health

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

How did I recover?

There are many roads to recovery, one for each body and soal. What do I mean by that?  Individually, our DNA and cellular built are unique for each of us even if there are many similarities between us, and recovery should be approached with this in mind.

But enough of the philosophical talk and let’s get into the practical. How did I recover?

Before I received the diagnosis of chronic Neuro Lyme Disease with multiple co-infections (on October 2014, eight months into the whole thing) I’ve already decided to be the 1% who will recover 100%. With that in mind, I began my journey and every time I heard: There’s no cure for this, I would respond: Not yet. There’s a cure for everything we just haven’t found it yet. I really believe that.

I also had to accept one true fact: It was up to me to get healthy. Sure the doctors were going to help if they could, but ultimately it was up to me to want to heal, which meant perseverance, asking questions, doing lots of research work and ultimately be a guinea pig if that meant success. That’s what I did.

Here are some of the steps I took towards recovery.

  1. I believed I would heal. (I believed my body had what it took to heal, I only needed to figure out what was that, hoping that it wasn’t too late. Faith in God and myself kicked in at full speed… and maybe my stubbornness too;)
  2. I focused on healing. (Persevered, argued with doctors, asked questions, researched, refused to accept other’s doubt, I put distance between me and fearful/toxic people, surrounded myself with positive music, preaching and meditative words such as Psalm 23, and I believed God was on my side.)
  3. I changed my diet. (I was already on a gluten-free diet, but, at my naturopath doctor’s advise eliminated all dairy products to reduce the high inflammation present already in my body, I eliminated sugar which suppresses the immune system and added lots of greens, organic, non-processed foods and drank (still do) a high amount of green tea (for its antioxidants properties), herbal tea, especially chamomile (also for its antioxidants properties, digestive and restful benefits and drank LOTS of water, for the obvious reasons of detoxification and hydration. No soda pop or natural juices just water (filtered) and tea (organic).
  4. I followed to the T all treatments prescribed, especially the supplements. The home page can give you a better idea of the high amount of supplements I took in order to built up my immune system, in addition, all the IV’s I’d endured, shots, pokes, tests meanwhile thinking “I’ll get you, disease! I’ll win not you.”
  5. I had all the mercury fillings removed. Too weak to have this process done right away I had to go first through two years of treatment to even get me strong enough to endure such a process, which began in March 2017 and ended in September/October of the same year, with IV treatments between each dental session to rebuild enough so I could withstand the next dental appointment, one of which lasted three hours and dislocated my jaw. But once all mercury was out the dramatic improvement in my health was unreal, literally within hours. The chelation beforehand and the detox afterward helped.
  6. I focused on being a mom, wife, and friend. If I could muster it, I cooked, cleaned my house, did laundry, visited friends etc, even if the entire time I felt horrible, I focused on what I had and not the other way around. I also learned to rest, say no, and feel no guilt over the fact that I needed rest.
  7. Forgive.  Chet helped and supported me in the most amazing of ways possible, financially and emotionally, along with Elizabeth, my brothers and sisters and many friends, but I had to forgive not only myself but the painful past. I had to set myself free through forgiveness, a new habit and like all new habits this one I must repeat a lot and often so it will stick.
  8. Re-learn. I’m still smacked in the middle of this one. What do I mean by re-learn? This is where the memory muscles have to remember that once I drove long distances, I used to work full-time, be part of society and among people without panicking, I used to be outgoing and love the presence of people, take vacations etc. I’ve overcome some and I must overcome others, like being in an airport and get on a plane, (still terrified of that one). One step at the time. But I’m thankful:) Hope this article will help any of you out in this world fighting your own Lyme disease or autoimmune battles. God Bless:)

Vacation

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Four years ago, in the middle of suffering and when my life was spent mostly in bed for months at the time in unimaginable pain, I kept my focus on a particular image; a sunny day in the future enjoying myself as a healthy woman in the middle of nature- God’s creation.  This day came to past a few months back, however, a week ago we enjoyed our first vacation since 2014, four years ago when I fell ill. I can not express the intense joy I felt during multiple moments throughout this vacation and the thanksgiving my heart expressed to God for having the opportunity to re-live such moments, even if at some point the body began to protest intense fatigue. All I did, was to take time and rest, then resume our activities.

Why am I writing this to you? Because you’ve read and seen the side of me through pain and now I want to share the other side, the side of health, the walk of health, the walk towards health. While in pain, I visualized daily the very moments I finally got to live this past week! In the past, although the body was full of death threats, no one could steal my dream hidden deep within. Never give up and if you feel fatigued in your body or in the spirit, take a few moments to rest, then go on keeping your focus on your own image of hope. For me, that image of hope was in the middle of nature, the very nature where my suffering came from through the tick bite but I was determined not to let this pain keep me a prisoner of fear.

If you are in the midst of suffering right now, what would your focus of hope look like?  Joy, peace, love, safety, new friends, health? These are the most important and in the end, these are the fruits of God’s love for us, the acceptance of our own being (the creation of God) and the love of our neighbor. Forgiveness is the way which leads to them, forgiveness and perseverance. (I know some of you will contradict this last part, as I too contradicted this part in the past, especially forgiveness. I found excuses, telling myself that I was not the one who needed to forgive, I was the hurt one and not the abuser, but I was blinded by my own anger and hurt. I forgive so I can heal. I’m also wise and not allow broken people to determine my destiny.)

I wish you a beautiful summer day, a beautiful holiday for those of you who are or will go on vacation and the grace of God may continue to be upon us as always.

God Bless:)

Prima Vacanta Dupa Patru Ani

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

 

Acum patru ani, in perioada intensa a suferintei si o viata traita in pat luni de zile cu dureri de neimaginat, imi concentram gandurile la o zi insorita pe viitor unde voi putea iesi iara-si in natura bucurandu-ma ca omul sanatos de creatia lui Dumnezeu. Aceasta zi a venit cam de cateva luni, dar acum o saptamana, pentru prima data in patru ani familia noastra a avut parte de prima vacanta de cand am cazut la pat. Nu-mi pot exprima bucuria intensa care am simtit-o in orice clipa pe perioada vacantei si expresiile de multumire ridicate catre bunul Dumnezeu pentru asemenea momente. Desi la un moment dat corpul a inceput sa protesteze oboseala intensa, ceea ce ma facut ca sa ma odihnesc, am reluat activitatea mai apoi.

De ce va zic aceste lucruri? Pentru ca in durere, ceea ce am trait in mod real, era deja real in mintea si sufletul meu, si desi toate semnele trupesti erau pline numai de amenintari de moarte, nimeni si nimic nu ne poate fura visul din inima noastra. Nu va da-ti baruiti niciodata si daca simti-ti obosela in corp sau in spirit, lua-ti cateva momente de odihna, fiecare cum are nevoie, dar pe urma merge-ti mai departe, avand permanent in profilul viziunii imaginea sperantei. Pentru mine imaginea sperantei era in mijlocul naturii, aceeasi natura de unde a venit pericolul si suferinta prin muscatura de capuse. Asta nu insemana ca nu iau pas de precautie cand sunt in natura, asta nu inseamna ca arunc intelepciunea si sfaturile, dar nu las ca ceva care mi-a facut rau sa ma tina prizonierul fricii.

Daca poate esti in mijlocul suferintei acum, ce ai vrea pe viitor sa re-traiesti? Bucurie, pace, iubire, siguranta, prietenii noi, sanatate? Astea sunt cele mai importante si in final astea sunt roadele iubirii lui Dumnezeu fata de noi, a acceptarii propriei fiinte (creatura lui Dumnezeu) si a dragostei fata ce aproapele nostru. Iertarea e calea care duce la acestea, iertarea si perseverenta.

Va doresc o zi frumoasa de vara, o vacanta frumoasa pentru cei care sunt sau vor merge in vacante si har si pacea lui Dumnezeu sa continue sa se reverse peste noi ca si pana acum:)

 

Balance Prayer

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

This is a prayer for myself and anyone else who wants it:)

I thank you, God, for the ability to forgive and the gift of forgiveness. Until recently I couldn’t forgive no matter how I went about it, not sure why, but I presume it had to do with the hate taking all the space available in my heart leaving no room for anything else, including forgiveness or joy.

Thank you for breaking that hard calcified wax of hate towards others and myself and melting it away from my soal. Now I have room for forgiveness, love, and joy. Now I can forgive myself and others; sure it’s still an effort, sure it’s still my will and choice but I have the power to choose now versus being stuck within my sick soul with no way out except a continuous and exhaustingly constant squirming and no progress other than fatigue. I earnestly thank you now for giving me the parents I have, for bringing me to this part of the world, for my family, and for giving me the body I have. What tremendous spectacular things I’ve learned because of these privileges and what great privileges I have to help others.

Thank you for waking me up to my potential by revealing to me my fears, fears that captured me in a self-restraining smuggled dark suit all these years. By showing me these fears and their consequences, you opened up the eyes of my soul to the things I’ve missed and the opportunities not taken if choosing to remain in that snuggled dark suit called fear.

I will choose life, love, and joy. I will risk opening up and be vulnerable in order to gain these three qualities. I will re-learn and re-direct my focus, thoughts, and behaviors in order to experience the consequences of life, love, and joy. In my quest, I will fail sometimes but I will get up and continue because my focus has shifted. I finally see that I have the right to experience life, love, and joy, a right you gave me a long time ago but was taken away by other’s fears only to be recently recaptured.

It’s a re-learning process based on the truth that what others said or did in order to keep me down was based on their own insecurities and fears, not mine. Their walls, not mine. I thank you, Father God, for opening not only my eyes but my soul as well to accept this, for acceptance is the bridge between success and failure. In the past, I’ve accepted false versions of someone’s truths and it brought nothing but a vast desert in my soul, now I will accept your truth to choose life, love, and joy. After all, that’s the definition of balance. Not one without the other, not one over the other. Balance. Truth. This time your truth and let’s see what that brings along and where will it end.

Amen.

 

 

Pastor Gordon Calmeyer

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Today Pastor Gordon Calmeyer passed away after a life well lived. I love his wife’s words, Stella, on Facebook, and I’ll add them here:

“Choose to make today count.

Even if we find ourselves in unpleasant places or going through tough or hard times, or even if we feel like we could give up because of trying circumstances, let’s use the power of choice which we all have at our disposal, and choose to benefit from bad times and allow them to cause spiritual growth and development. Let us wait for the Lord, staying strong and allowing our hearts to be filled with courage so that we will finish the race strong! (Psalm 27: 13-14) Have a blessed weekend everyone!”

Beautiful.

Chet and I met both Stella and Gordon during our volunteering times at CFC (Christian Faith Center Church) and right away we were taken (like everyone else) with Stella’s sweet personality, and pastor Gordon’t charismatic personality, warmth, and vulnerability. Their short time at CFC as pastors were full of richness and they walked away loving and being loved.

Both Chet and I will miss him because he touched our lives with love and authenticity. I ache because he died, but I’m grateful that I had the privilege to know both him and his wife, I’m richer because of that. His good humor and love for life will be missed. It only hurts because we loved, we’ll never regret loving.

I’m sorry to hear about the suicides of both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, condolences to their family and loved ones, it’s hard when departure from this life happens in such a state of despair and sadness. I’m truly sorry for that. If anyone reading this blog is suffering from depression, please reach out to someone and ask for help. You’re welcome to reach out to me anytime you want.

Thank you, God, for all people from all walks of life. Being human is beautiful and precious.

God Bless.IMG_1318

 

Prayers for the Pelvic Area

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

The pelvic area stores lots of emotions, here’s where we experience sexual intimacy, new life, here’s where elimination of no longer needed elements in the body happens, the process of filtration and hormonal activity.

Father God, I ask for complete pelvic healing in my body and everyone else suffering from pelvic related illnesses, diseases, and emotional traumatic trapped memories. I pray full relief in the hearts of raped or sexually molested people, hormonal imbalance issues, inflammation, ovarian issues, bowel problems, genital damages, colon and kidney issues, urinary bladder issue, uterus health let us learn how to filter out of our souls and bodies damaging pain, let our body re-adjust to the proper health as we let go of what once was, but no longer is. Let us see the past hurts no longer delegating our present functionality. For those who lost certain body parts (ovaries, uterus, genitals, colon, rectum, kidneys) we pray that any grieving they’re going through over the missing parts is heard by you and that healing takes over and a new outlook is built.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

God Bless:)