The Dreamer

About a month ago, I began a detox program- a 21 day toxic thoughts detox program to be precise- suggested by Dr. Caroline Leaf, and have noticed a few interesting changes.

First stage was exiting, as all things new tend to be, and very promising. As I continued I noticed a growing need to take those 7-10 minutes that I set aside for the program, as if an inner voice was being awakened and asking for more food. The most difficult days proved to be day 14, and 20 -probably because God showed me a few toxic thoughts I had to rid myself of: one was disappointed over self and the other a revelation that lies and confusion has caused a major havoc on my mind/ soul. But before starting the process of ridding myself of those thoughts- an additional 42 days- I required five minutes ceremonial silence honoring…what exactly I’m not sure (I was actually sobbing so much silence was nowhere near) but I kept on looking beyond what I was giving up and to what I was going to receive. You know, we’re all mighty and brave before the battle, but right in the middle of it, when we’re faced with some truths not at all cuddly and fluffy, we’re not so brave. I’m no exception. It’s like a perverse pride over the garbage we own, as if to say: I know it’s garbage but it’s my garbage, as if that makes it suddenly priceless. I quess, I became so familiar with some of those toxic thoughts, it felt as if someone was asking me to let go of my grandma-forever. I love my grandma!

So after I received the dream on day 20th – My right hand walked -unbeknown to me-into a black spider nest and seven got on board, four of them were huge, all crawled up to my head. Thankfully I manage to shake them off and Meleah, stepped and killed three -of the big ones. Interpretation: Spiders represent lies and confusion, hand is part of the health aspect, crawling to my head and all over my hair means it messed up with my clarity and vision, right side means the lies and confusion kept me from God’s purpose. The #7 is where the hope comes in, God wants to completely destroy those old lies and confusion and restore what once was there- health.

As you can see; it’s a partnership, a tango, a waltz so to speak when we let God work in our lives. We do our part, so we can mature and build the good muscles and have the great satisfaction of accomplishment (just like a child that shows the parent his/her accomplishments) and God does the rest (most of the time we’re not even aware how much he really does).

On my first day of the first 42 day part – creating a new pattern (way of thinking)-, I had another dream; I was knitting a gray hat. I finished the hat and put it on. It was very comfortable. Interpretation; I’m doing the work of renewal, gray is for wisdom and God (the well fitting) is blessing the work. Now you may sit there and say: well Carmen… these are just silly dreams and you can interpret them so many ways. Both dreams repeated three times, one right after the other, same details, same colors, same numbers. As for the interpretation, you’re right, I can interpret it so many other ways, but I’m fighting a battle and I’ll take any pep talk that I can get;) Also on day one of the 42 days, a light bulb turned on in my head, just like that, as Chet and I were talking, as we often do on Saturday mornings. It’s our thing:)

In Romania, one of my nick-name (my teachers gave me and my family picked it up) was “The Dreamer.” It was ment as an insult, but I never took it that way. I got bent out of shape by many other insults, but not this one. There was something about this insult that rang true to me in a most fantastic way. I remember thinking as I was being insulted; if you could just see the things I can see, you’d want to be a dreamer too. My world was amazing, full of possibilities and very positive, very happy. I was allowed to see secreats of a different world and a different language (I’ve tried to capture the details but I go blank every time. Clearly, I’m not allowed, to reveal these secrets, not yet and maybe never.)

So as I was talking to Chet, the light bulb went on: You’ve let go of your “Dreamer” calling because you didn’t want to look crazy in the sad and often dreary world of adulthood (it was one of the big black spiders/ lies).

So if I start acting any more peculiar than I already am, it’s because I’ve embraced, yet again, the gift given to me a long time ago. The Dreamer is back, baby! I wish you could see the things I am beginning to see. Some I will share with you, some I will keep it to myself until I’m allowed to share them. But the happiness and wonder is filling my eyes yet again, and like a child, I have the innocent joy as my eyes open to the possibilities:) I’m on day four of the 42 days of rebuilding what once was believed to be lost:)

I wish you a great day, even if the day does not feel perfect and God bless:)

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