Lyme Disease

FLAVIUS the Brave

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

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Born the seventh in the family, Flesh (nickname) falls in the team of the brunettes along side myself, Alin, Iosif, Alex and Oana. The blond team is made of Sergiu, Marius, Delia, Tibi, Iulian and Fanu.

Flavius was a cute boy, with great dimples in every smile, energetic and full of humor. His adolescence was filled with great humor and lots of energy, hiding a boy that got frequently panicked and stomach pains from the stress of the abuse.

His last year of high-school he left for Germany and lived with my brother Sergiu a few months, and together with Leo responded to a local newspaper add that were looking for soccer players. They both got in and quickly Flesh became the star player of the entire team with great professional prospects. Leo, who was interested only in the snacks provided after words got kicked out. The only thing standing in the way of fame and fortune was the paperwork. At the time Germany’s borders were not so open like today and the paperwork stopped Flesh’s progress forcing him to return back to Romania. After finishing high school he moved with Alin in Arad. There he finished four years of collage in engineering. He met his wife, Adina in Ilia, while in collage and got married after he graduated then together they settled down in Timisoara. Together they have one daughter.

Adina works in the marketing/ computer field and Flesh is a radio host/presenter at a Christian Radio Station in Timisoara, rve.timisoara, and very involved in the local church they attend.

The past five years a big shadow of health challenges have put a lot of stress on his shoulders and he spend more days in emergency than all of his siblings put together. He’s had operations and multiple tests. In the end there’s still no diagnosis. But stress in general is an enemy of his, weakening his immune system.

Lately he’s been feeling well, but I think he has to watch his diet and stress level constantly.

Our potentially famous soccer player has a very domestic life in the church and his radio work:) He also had to forgive a lot but life is good and we’re moving on:)

I’m glad when I hear his health is good and I’m looking forward to see what their future will bring along:)

 

Delia cea Frumoasa

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

IMG_4474 Cu sotul ei, Sami in fotografie.

IMG_4661 Ei cu Delia inainte de a pleca ei in America:)

Nu este o surpriza pentru nimeni frumusetea Deliei, parca a fost facuta intru-un lan plin de flori si cine o vede ori zimbeste ori rivneste frumusetea ei.

A cincea dintre frati si surori, Delia a fost tacuta cind era mica dar si o fire determinata. Datorita distantei intre virstele noastre dar imi imagines si datorita lipsei de maturitate in tinerete din partea mea nu eram prea apropiate una de alta in adolescenta mea si copilaria ei. Ea sa cam pierdut in fundalul zgomotos al fratilor mei. Din fericire tata a avut o sensibilitate asupra fetelor lui si nu prea a fost batuta dar in schimb a fost ranita emotional. Cind ma uitam la Delia vedeam o atmosfera de mister pe fata ei. Delia e greau de citit, dar mi-a placut faptul ca aveam o sora.

Clar, Delia a avut multi admiratori de sexual opus in adolescenta ei dar ea a ramas credinciousa inimii ei si lui Dumnezeu.

Am fost extrem de impresionata cind am aflat ce artista buna e, si Delia a pictat multi pereti la viata ei, chiar si la orfelinatul fratelui Hada:) Mi-ar place sa va arat o fotografie cu o pictura de a ei dar nu am, deci Delia, trebuie sa-mi trimi-ti una:)

Dupa liceu, Delia a facut scoala de asistenta medicala si in cele din urme a ajuns in Italia, la Roma, unde a lucrat multi ani la spitalul Vaticanului in sectia de copii, la cazurile cele mai severe. Acolo a petrecut multe nopti nedormite si ore lungi in picioare. Tot in Italia, la intilnit pe Samin, sotul ei si impreuna au doi copii; o mini Delia si un mini Sami din punctul meu de vedere.

Anul trecut sa-u mutat inapoi in Romania impinsi de dorul de tara si economia slabita a Italiei. Tot anul trecut au inceput constructia casei lor la Marghita, aproape de Oradea si anul acesta a fost de mare ajutor mamei mele care la un moment dat era bolnava grav. Cu ajutorul Deliei, mama sa pus un pic pe picioare.

Ma bucur mult cind o vad fericita si implinita si deabea astept sa vad ce mai are Dumnezeu pentru ea in viitor:)

P.S Delia vorbeste trei limbi (Italiana, Romaneste si Engleza).

 

Sergiu

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

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Sergiu the Resilient

In our childhood, Sergiu made us laugh constantly, thus one of his nick name, “The Joker.” But to me he’s more “The Resilient”. We sat all bruised and hurt after another one of our father’s angry episodes, but Sergiu found a way to always make us laugh bringing such light in a dark world, even if it had to be whispered.

Out of all twelve siblings, Sergiu was the third and abused the most, in a very hateful manner. But looking into his face now you would never know it. He has the most positive and forgiving nature, bouncing right back with such ease it amazed me. I asked him one day how he could do that. He shrugged his shoulders then responded:

“I just don’t think about it. I think of the things I want to do and do them even if I get in trouble. I’ll get in trouble no matter what, I may as well do what I want. It’s worth it.” To him exploring and having adventures was worth the pain he knew he would endure later on. In a way it prepared him for the tough life ahead. He ran illegally into Germany right after the revolution, got caught and sent back to more abuse only to try again. And he succeeded. He entered Germany with the clothes on his back and a small Bible, worked very hard and now he’s the COO of a multi-million dollar company in Berlin, married to Brigitte, a pure breed German girl and together they have one daughter Michelle:) He gives orders all day long and works with employees from many nations, has a house and a very nice life. He’s helped my parents and siblings financially for years. Since he had a few dollars in his pocket he always thought of the rest of the family and sent back thousands upon thousands of euros (or deutschmarks back in the time). He is known for his love to surprise you and pulled lots of surprise visits:)

Sergiu, the resilient:)

I remember caroling with Sergiu and Alin, and every house/apartment we entered Sergiu found a way to walk away full handed with something. He stood in those long nightmarish lines Romania and Eastern Europe was known for during socialism/ communism times, usually taking him all night long during Siberian winters temperatures just to get a few loaves of bread or one kilo of milk or half a butter or few eggs or one kilo of sugar or one kilo of oranges, you name it. He also had the wits to push in the front of the line and walk away with something when so many were left only with empty disappointments. (There was never enough food during that time, and just staying in a line for half a day did not promise a happy result). Sergiu had street smarts and gumption. Still does:)

Sergiu, the resilient. I miss him everyday:)

Perspective

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

I grew up poor. It sort of came with the territory of Christian parents, twelve children, small salary that wasn’t going to see any increase in it unless and until my father denied Christ. So far, my story is a very familiar one to Christians individuals that grew up in the socialistic communism of the Eastern European block.

But the poverty I experienced in Romania -you didn’t have to be a Christian to experience poverty, you simply had to be part of those countries to experience the “glories” of socialism- left an unpleasant taste in my mouth and it’s marks all over my body. Unlike other people, I had the blessing to be rescued from that environment:) But looking back, there was a movement, a spiritual movement I bought into for a long period of time, a sort of spiritual pride of our poverty. It was a coping mechanism. Something I only recognized years after leaving Romania. I do not blame the ones left behind that still think that way, it’s their way of coping with a hard situation the best they can. But years have passed, Chet and I worked hard and made certain decisions that proved to be smart financial moves and I no longer feel poor. There will always be others that have more than us, but there are far more people in this word that have less. I am grateful to God for everything we have, every day of my life and I do my best to help out others that still are in the midsts of poverty, usually in impoverished countries. But the funny thing about poverty that I’ve come to understand, it is a mindset. Let me explain my findings.

While in Romania -or Russia, or Bulgaria, or Africa, or India etc- there was a realistic and evident state of material and nourishment lack. Here in America is not so -unless one goes through an unfortunate turn of events in their lives that can leave them at the steps of poverty for a temporary period of time- its more a mindset that some have while spending unwisely or foolishly.

Example: Back in 2014-2015 I lost my job because I became very ill, medical bills piled up, the economy was not yet strong to sell the house and Chet’s company was having financial troubles and unable to pay him for months at the time. It showered on us with one bad news after another.

Example: Some great friends of ours, in their retirement years lost their savings to a crook that lived next door. The stress of such loss gave the husband a heart-attack and he died, leaving a widow and a child behind to fend for themselves.

These are hard situations, that come in our lives uninvited.

I’m getting better and our financial situation is fine, but it took sacrifice and great work. Our friends are recovering as well, but it took great work and sacrifice. These are only two examples in the sea of uninvited hardships coming in the lives of great people.

But there’s the other side.

Example: Couple that spent unwisely, lost their home, eventually their marriage and through it all used many trusting people and friends to keep up a facade that was crumbling anyway. To this day I haven’t seen efforts to put right what they’ve done wrong. Further more they’re the victims in their lives and everyone else who helped them were the abusers- their perspective. I’m sure this sounds very familiar to some of you. Chet and I had our fair share of such people.

Example: I was selling a wedding rental business piece by piece, mostly on Craigslist, after I realized it’s not going to work for us. The prices were fantastic. One buyer in particular, came to pick her items, but needed up lingering for an hour giving a sob story about her sad situation, and how expensive life was. I almost gave in to lower my already low (some items were .50 cents a piece) when I heard her phone ring and she pulled out of her purse the newest and best cell phones on the market. Listening to her conversation I understood that she expected stuff  for free because of a mind set she was raised with. Once she hung up, I tolled her to either buy or leave since I had other engagements. She purchased what she came in for and left, but waisted an hour of my time.

Which brings me to my final thought; perspective. What one thinks about their lives can look dramatically different from the reality of their choices. Of our choices, I’m not excluded from the “life’s mistakes club”.

In truth, here in America at least, we have far more opportunities to leave the poverty state, if we put aside laziness, pride, ego, and whatever else excuse people use to stay poor. I can see some people rolling their eyes and fuming while reading these lines. When I grew up, there were no such things as: food stamps, shelters, programs to help the poor, low-income help, missions to shelter the poor, food banks, planned parenthood (which I do not support), etc. When someone said: I have no money to buy bread, it ment no money, nada. There were no credit cards back then, just a whole lot of poverty to share with each other.

PERSPECTIVE. Here in this country we still have far more than most of the world has. Opportunities as well. There is much to be thankful for. Little to be unhappy about. Keep the right perspective.

God bless:)

Happy 24th Anniversary:)

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

IMG_4638IMG_4635It takes my mother-in-law, once again, to remind me of my “Coming to America” anniversary on October 15th (yesterday). It’s been 24 years already? Actually, right now I should ask: “I’ve lived in Romania?” It sure feels like a distant dream, the land of my birth, a dream mixed with happiness and sadness:)

To pretend that my new culture (America) doesn’t have its shortcomings would be infantile. However, I remember my very first experience in America, fresh off the airplane, which was a breathtaking experience in itself.

I had to use the restroom quite urgently, since I’ve held it in for a good fifteen hours now. I knew sooner or later I would have to learn the new and improved American system and due to its urgency on the matter, that time seemed to have arrived.

We took a boat to our new place on an island and through gestures – Chet and I could hardly speaking to each other, he barely knew Romanian and I was sure I didn’t know any English- I asked him where was the restroom. With his gentlemanly manners Chet showed me the door where a funny looking woman painting with very sharp edges about her announced my gender. I walked in absolutely flabbergasted by the clean surroundings, the bright lights- no one seemed to steal the public light bulbs in this country- and looked for either a hole in the ground with its own fly occupants or a toilet. I saw a row of sinks on one side and boxes on the other. With hesitation I walked toward the boxes, opened one and to my relief saw a toilet. I rushed in closed it and did my business. Once done I reached up to pull the string -the only system of toilet flushing I’ve known my entire life- shocked to find there was no string.

“Maybe its broken.” I looked up. No hole in the ceiling. “Great, now what?” I looked around for buttons or handles, anything, and became quite panicked. There were none that I could see. I dressed, and was about to make a run for it, when I heard the toilet behind me flush, by itself! “What?” Relieved, even if quite confused, I was ready to wash my hands, but there too I sat in a tremendous dilemma. No matter what I did no water came out. Again no buttons or sink handle were visible. Ladies came in and out, washing their hands just fine except for me. “Maybe my sink is broken.” I snuck to the sinks others just used but as soon as I got there the water flow stopped leaving me in utter confusion. I pulled and pushed on different spots of the sink. Nothing. Eventually, one simply began working and I ran to it washing quickly, glad the whole thing was over. Turning around ready to wipe my hands I got struck by another dilemma. “Shucks! No towels!” Nothing! Just some shiny things- later I found out they were automatic heat blowers- but no towels. I wiped on my clothes and found my way out of there eager to put the whole thing behind me and into a deeply worried new husband. How can I explain to him that American toilets were moody and sinks were playing tricks on me when one could not speak a word of English?  I’ve since learned of the automatic toilet flushing system along with the automatic faucets of the public restrooms, but it took a few more trials and a whole lot of confusion to get the whole new system of things down:)

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A sample of vegetarian Americo-Romanian dinner:) Zacusca (red pepper and eggplant dip) and salata de vinete (an eggplant and mayo dip) meets potatoes in the oven with steamed broccoli (never saw that vegetable in Romania) and snow peas (another vegetable I never saw in Romania) and backed squash:)

When in pain, one writes

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Yes, I’m in quite a lot of pain today, but don’t fuss, it will pass and life moves on. I figured since today it will be spent mostly in bed, I may as well write.

Long before I knew what a Solar Plexus was, I felt it. Every time my father yelled, I felt it. Every time my father hit one of us, I felt it. With every cry of pain, I felt it. With every criticism, I felt it.

Solar plexus aka Celiac Plexus aka Abdominal Brain – is a complex of ganglia (or network of nerves) and radiating nerves of the sympathetic system (fight and flight response) at the pit of the stomach.-Wikipedia

Heal this and you’ll heal adrenal problems, stomach problems, gall bladder problems, diaphragm problems, spleen problems and much more. (Chakras.info; solework.wordpress.com)

It took forty-two years for me to understand why every-time I was around other people I “saw” certain things about them – information that came in different forms such as: colors/lights, a string of clear yet seemingly unrelated images about that particular person’s life or that strong sense of danger/unease/happiness/relaxation one gets around certain individuals – affecting me one way or another, depending on what I “saw” or perceived. I also learned something else: Anytime I felt a perceived danger I would hold my breath. I was not aware I did that until one naturopathic doctor pointed it out. It was my way of coping with trauma or stressful circumstances. It began early in my childhood while witnessing a lot of my father’s abuse towards my siblings and my self. I held my breath. This happens when trauma or excessive stress is present in the early stages of childhood. It changes the structure of one’s DNA and neurological responses. Most people call such a result as “highly sensitive people”. Some are just born that way and no trauma was present, others develop this sensitivity forced by traumatic environments. In reality we’re all sensitive to pollutants/toxicity and stress. The difference is that some can shoulder these burdens better that’s others and it’s directly linked to a strong immune system versus not.

“That’s New Age talk, Carmen.” Some would say, after reading these lines. I was raised in a very strict conservative Christian environment (not all aspects of Christianity beliefs are wrong, but anything presented in a strict and extreme way is usually unhealthy) made to belief anything remotely related to New Age is evil. So I kept quiet about the things I “saw”/perceived knowing full well I would be accused of demon possession. I believe a lot of New Age theology comes from Biblical information but the movement added other things to it.

For forty- years, no stranger could get close to me without me feeling uncomfortable. Hugs to this day are hard for me and any conversation is done from a safe distance. If anyone violates that “safe zone” between us my flight or fight response super activates – although I lived only in a fight or flight response for years.  This has been medically proven by the tests I’ve had these past four years. My body could no longer relax. I’ve forgotten how.

Like a can of worms this perception exploded and jumped past few stages of teaching in massage school. I noticed certain things and had to ask my teachers for an explanation. Upon hearing the things I saw, my teachers simply responded with a genuine smile on their faces: “Carmen, you’ve got a gift.” I do? I thought to myself.

Example: I gave a massage to one of my teachers- which was not nerve-racking at all:)))- and I saw a shadow over her right hip and left knee. I knew instantly those areas were hurt. Without thinking I asked:

“What happen to your right hip and left knee?” She popped her head off the pillow in shock, only to realize she never told me anything about her personal life.

“How do you know about that?”

“I can see it.”

“What exactly do you see?”

“Dark gray shadows with a glow of pale yellow over these areas. I also see…” But she interrupted me, maybe because she didn’t want to find out a student can reveal more personal stuff about her.

“I had a bad car accident about ten years ago and those areas never healed properly.”

“Okay.”

Example: Had a lady on the massage table and I saw intense loss and grief all over her body. She was a good person, burdened by the disease of loss and sickness- a sickening yellow/olive color. I gently told her “all will be alright.” As we began talking I found out she lost someone very dear and just overcame cancer. She was also a bit frightened by all the things I could see so I stopped talking. In the end, she tolled me: “You have a gift.” She left and I never saw her again. I believe I may have frightened her for which I’m truly sorry.

The Solar Plexus is a sensitive spot but a powerful center of information. I’m not sure what made me the way that I am, but I was born with this. I’ve seen many things, most of them horribly dark stuff. Trauma, may have triggered something -this is a theory of mine- or I was born with a gift from God. Either way, I still have a lot to learn and I get things wrong as well.

One thing I’ve learned to do, is not let this gifting hinder my personal relationships, especially my relationship with Chet. Trust me, it took many years to learn how to and I’m still not an expert. But if I meet you and you’re going through something, and I will be allowed to see that, instead of allowing my heart to be broken by your hurt days in a row, I’ll be praying for you earnestly than let God and yourself do the healing in your own way and timing. I’ve learned I can’t be God and don’t want to. But I will be your friend.

I’ve tried to give you a small overview of the solar plexus but there’s so much more to it. For those interested, the internet is full of information on the subject. I hope this helped some of you and did not at least was an interesting read.

God Bless:)

 

 

Mercury free. How does it feel?

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

I had my final two pieces of mercury pulled out of my mouth and- emotionally at least- it feels fantastic:)

How about physically? You may ask.

Well, I’m so glad you asked:) It feels like I got dental work done:) One side of my mouth I have a new, mercury free, filling where the old mercury resided these past twenty years. On the other side, I have a small hole in my gum. The process was a bit different. In order to remove the piece of mercury (amalgam filling) lodged directly in my gums these  past twenty years, a laser was used to cut the tissue around and away from the mercury piece. It made it easier for the extraction. Now I have a hole in my gum, but do not worry, it will heal and fill in, in due time. For now, I sit here in my bed hurting and writing to you, unable to eat on either side of my mouth and with medicine on the damaged tissue- a swab of HyperOxy Ozonated Olive Oil- to speed up the recovery time. The numbing medicine is wearing off and I have a huge headache as my gum cries out.

To celebrate a mercury free mouth I stopped and got a hair cut- that I hate. So now, I’m sitting in bed with a headache, a bleeding gum and a bad hair cut;) Who said life was not full of surprises? Truth be tolled, I didn’t much care for my hair style before the cut, so the loss is minimal.

UPDATE: I had to take a 30 minute break from writing this journey entry. The medicine (numbing) wore off very fast leaving behind a woman in so much pain she became delirious at one point and yes, cried like a baby while shakingly opening a bottle of Tylenol, medicine that seemed to take forever kicking in, but at long last, it did.

“Meleah, I’m trying to be a tough cookie here and not cry, but this pain is beyond unbearable and your mother will start crying, like a baby I may add, so don’t panic.” I spoke quickly between breaths of pain and then let it all out. So Alexa played Andrea Bocelli’s mournful songs while I cried my heart out and Meleah kept talking about odd subjects in an effort to keep me distracted. It was both a hilarious and sad sight and we both laughed and I cried, realizing just what a great memory this is going to make one day:) Now both Alex and Meleah are cooking dinner-spaghetti night- while I write this blog.

I’ll let you know how things progress, but I predict all will be well:)

Mercury free!!! Worth all the pain I endured:) No regrets here:)

God bless:)

New Apartment

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Yes, we’re in contract process to purchase an apartment ten minutes away. I dread the moving process- as most people do- but I look forward to a place of our own and a smaller monthly payment than our current rent.

This move brought back some nice memories:)

In 2016, before putting our house in Auburn on the market, we had to make some improvements. One of those improvements was painting this very long fence along our driveway, an eye sore to any potential buyer. So our friends and their boys came ready for battle. It took about 6 or 7, one gallon paint cans to get the job done -this includes the thinning we had to do to make it go a long way. And after hours of hard work- we were trying to stay ahead of the predicted rain- it began sprinkling.

“Turbo style, everyone!” Angel shouted and you should’ve seen us go:)

“Re-paint and thin no more.” Was another funny remark -in the sea of funny remarks- and we stopped thinning the pain so the rain would not wash away our hard work.

In the end it turned out great and I will forever be great full for such a fantastic helping hand. They were there too when we moved, stacking our stuff in the U-HAUL truck,

while cracking jokes.

They’ve been good friends, bringing soups when I wasn’t able to cook and helping out anyway they could:) Great memories:)

God Bless:)

 

Mercury dental fillings and chronic autoimmune disease

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Is there a connection? The dentistry industry and western medicine doctors will tell you; no, there is not. However, they don’t have any answers to idiopathic diseases such as: CFS, Fibromyalgia, MS, Alzheimer’s, or the “fake” chronic Lyme Disease, to name a few.  They claim symptoms of CFS and Fybromyalgia to be part of a mental problem in the patient built up from a desperate need of attention -as if the patient wants to feel as horrible as they do, around the clock mind you, while isolated from the very community they once were part of. And all this done by choice. I would tell them today -to the ignorant doctors- as I tolled them in the past when they had the nerve to respond to a medical complaint in such a cold manner: if I want attention all I have to do is throw myself a great big party and invite all my friends. That would be an expense well worth it, instead of paying you to tell me that I may be crazy. You simply have no idea what’s wrong with me.

There are many articles and personal testimonies written by regular people (all over the internet) proving otherwise. These people have noticed a major change in their overall health after removing amalgam fillings (which have a 45-55% of mercury) out of their mouths. That can’t be just coincidence. Why are dentists trained to handle and dispense the amalgam materials as bio-hazardous material, if it was safe? And the government deems it fine in our mouths, close to our brains and our central nervous system. What would be the damage there, right?

Tomorrow I have another dentist appointment. After tomorrow I’ll be mercury free -as far as my teeth fillings go- in twenty something years. After I had four mercury fillings removed, all at the same time, about two months ago, I noticed, within hours the following: an extremely high amount of deja-vu’s and flash backs to my life back in Romania (and life before the mercury fillings, fillings which I received shortly after my arrival in United States). I felt as if air began moving in my head, predominantly in my left side (where I had four top fillings and two bottom fillings removed). Maybe some of you will think: well, Carmen that could be just you “feeling” a certain way based on some information you read. Well, within hours, I ran (even if for a minute or so- you must remember my muscles have been in a state of distrophy for almost four years now) after Alex, my youngest, while playing in a park close by our apartment. That has not happened in years! What I found interesting, was the instinct that kicked in to run and the body did so without thinking. I could not do that before, since I was in a fog like state around the clock. The periferral shadows that kept me in a constant jumpy state, disappeared. I haven’t seen them since. The fogged mind decreased 70% and my overall energy increased dramatically, to a point where I began to play tennis with my family-even if it was for ten minutes and it took a feverish week of recovery after that- but my body hasn’t experienced that kind of exercise in four years. I did have to go through the detox process, intensified by the extreme heat of this summer and continual fight of Lyme, Bartonella and Babesia flare-ups.

I do not pretend to tell you it was easy- it was not- but it was necessary and finally my immune system was strong enough to endure such a long ordeal (I began the dental work in spring).

Have I noticed a difference? Absolutely. Has my family noticed a difference? Absolutely. Am I 100% better? No. As much as I tell myself that I’m totally cured -an emotional and mental strategy of believing even if I’m not feeling 100% yet- it’s a much better approach toward my views of life than the pathetic advise of some of the doctors I’ve seen (all western medicine practitioners); You’re one of those unfortunate cases and you’ll have to just accept your new reality. The hell with that. I have another reality I keep telling them: I’ll be the 1% case to fully recover, you’ll see. And I walk away with a new battle strategy in my head. Our bodies can heal themselves if given the right info and opportunity. And that’s all there is to it- at least as far as I’m concerned. Will I die one day? Of course I will- unless I find out that I’m actually Wonder Woman. But should that keep me from fighting? I think not.

For all of you who hurt and battle, constantly, such horrible pain but are subjected to the lame medical excuses and remarks such as; I don’t see anything wrong with you (as if all the medical mysteries have been discovered already and they have all the answers), you fight back and tell yourself: I’ll be the 1% to fully recover! It is not easy, especially emotionally. When I saw myself so very ill and limited, without medical answers I had doubts too. It’s a very intense battle to not let go and let be, and most days feels like you’re stuck in a hopeless whirlpool intensified by the doctor’s ignorance and coldness towards you. But… there’s the will to fight and get better too:))))) And with that (and the belief in God, in my case:) you can climb the impossible mountain. Sure it takes effort. Sure it takes persistence. Sure it takes action. But it feels great when the pain subsides and your ghostly body gets up and out of the suffering bed and meets life, one step at the time.

Be the 1% too:)

God bless:)

The Accusation

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

“You’re possessed by demons!” The critical eyes on the other side of this accusation always turned out to be trouble makers within the Christian circle with a very poor example of their own personal lives. Despite me being aware of that obvious fact, I blinked, taken a back by such a bold insult packaged as a statement. My heart got hit, yet again. Can it be true? The doubt sneaked in inevitably.

Why does this particular accusation bothers me- besides the obvious reason; who wants to be tolled they have demons?- and creates such unease within my soul? I’ve meditated on these words many times while asking God for his advise.

Conclusion: While growing up, my siblings and I were called “devil’s children” or “piu de drac” in the Romanian language, regularly. Our role- according to our accuser- was to torment him. That wasn’t very nice and I’ve tried to break away from such a stigma for years. I’ve succeeded only recently, right after God tolled me to look at the evidence- an evidence between how God treated me during the course of my life versus my accuser. The evidence speaks for itself and I no longer need to worry about a lie, passed around with such ease while leaving behind such damage.

Let me ask you this: What person full of the true spirit of God, would say something like this in your weakest of moments (first one was during my first pregnancy and the second was during these past four years while fighting a diagnosed disease). Only a hurt person would hurt another. Religion, hate, pain and misery would speak out such things while the true spirit of God brings you comfort in your weakness.

Some of you know what I’m talking about. You’ve hurt because of such accusations done in hate against you and excused by religious beliefs.

I do believe in being attacked, as we all are either by disease, disappointment, fear, anger, etc and if not resolved it turns chronic. But when “help” comes with a big dose of guilt, condemnation, accusation and down right hate, it no longer falls in the category of help. And when you’re already fighting a battle you don’t need sand in your eyes.

Thank God for healthy friends, like Chet, Elizabeth, Natalya, Gabi, Lynn, other American friends, my brothers and sisters, my Romanian friends and my family here in America,,, thank God for so many of you, full of love, that outnumbered the other ones. I hope you’re all doing well:)

God Bless:)