Life

Smog in Seattle

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

IMG_2489

Not the best picture, but today, while on my way to a doctor appointment this was the view of Seattle. You can see a bit of the Space Needle, and the faded skyline of Seattle through the smog we’ve been having these past two weeks. The past three days it has been particularly bad. It covers the city giving it an eerie feel, you may see the ghost of the ferry boats departing and that only if you’re close enough to the terminal. Some citizens were walking this morning with face masks on, others were pulling their clothing over their noses on their way to work. The UPS workers especially wore protective gear over their noses. Pieces of ash fall gently over our balcony outside and the sun is of the color of blood, fully rounded and easy to look at during our evenings. Morning time the air is refreshing (the picture shown was taken around 9 am), but anytime past noon and into late evening the smell of campfire, burned rubber tires and other smells invade our nostrils. Thankfully we have air purifiers and today will be last hot day for a week or so. Rain is predicted for Saturday and Sunday and I pray the same will happen over the areas still burning- California, British Columbia, and Eastern Washingon. But life still goes on and I watch people taking their dogs for a walk, children playing in the pool and the work crew building the scaffolding around our apartment building for the improvements to come. I pray God will keep you safe.

Are Strawberries Really Organic?

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

https://realfarmacy.com/dirty-little-secret-organic-strawberries-arent-really-organic/

https://www.care2.com/greenliving/driscolls-organic-strawberries-make-a-big-move-forward.html

https://fitnessreloaded.com/organic-strawberries-vs-conventional-strawberries/

https://www.helpfulgardener.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=225300

The past year I’ve noticed an odd change in the Driscoll’s organic strawberries both in look and taste. They look like strawberries on steroids, keep “good” a long time without molding. But it’s the bitter/metallic taste I get in my mouth after eating a few strawberries from Driscoll brand that bothers me the most. My palate seems sensitive to toxins, pesticides, artificial colors etc, in foods and it’s like a radar telling me which foods are not really organic. I don’t believe Driscoll’s organic strawberries sold in stores like Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, Metropolitan Markets, Safeway, Albertson’s etc are actually organic (even if they label it so and hack up the cost). I go to the farmer’s market and those strawberries are half the size, not perfect in their looks and if not refrigerated and eaten right away they go bad in a day or so. That’s organic, just like I remember it back in my grandmother’s garden, who lived in north Romania area before any genetically modified Monsanto poisoned non-sense came into existence.

Twin River organic blueberries -same thing, huge, void of taste and leaves a bitter/metal taste in my mouth. Same with Anthony’s organic grapes.

Just putting this out there for anyone fighting from an autoimmune and toxicity overload, hope this may help. All Driscoll (and other companies need) need to do is take off the organic label that misleads anyone who’s trying to eat clean.

God Bless:)

 

 

Life shall have a say:)

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

It’s hot. A gay couple in the apartment building next to ours is arguing loudly, unhappy, dropping the f-word every other second and I’m here writing to you.

I got a phone call yesterday, finally, with my CT results: 7mm kidney stone in my right side, 4 cm cysts on each ovary, and a UTI infection. In comparison to what I’ve been through this is not bad, only temporarily through the attack episodes which can get really bad quick, fast and in a hurry:) There will be follow-up appointments to address both issues next month.

But, prayer warriors and well-wishers, I need your prayers again for one of my sister-in-law, Brigitte. Her mom, feeling ill the past few weeks finally went in to see a doctor only to discover she has liver cancer that spread to the lymph nodes. Today she had a heart attack and a stroke. She was put on an induced coma and is on the operating table now: there’s obstruction in one of the veins in her brain causing damage. We’re still waiting for updates. I have peace because I trust God but I’m thankful for the modern medicine and brilliant sergeants, the options we have today and high technology.

My mom is stable and happy, so is my dad. They seem to enjoy each other’s presence during their retirement, as it should be.

Have a blessed day today an don’t forget to take deep breaths, then smile:)

Durerea sufletului, boala corpului, suferinta spiritului

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

1 Tesaloniceni 5:23 (NTLR)

23 Însuşi Dumnezeul păcii să vă sfinţească în toate şi să vă păstreze întreaga fiinţă – duhul, sufletul şi trupul vostru – fără pată la venirea Domnului nostru Isus Cristos.

Traditional si religios, trupul a fost dat la o parte, gasit fara mare importanta in cercurile religioase urmat indeaproape de suflet, la fel gasit fara prea mare importanta. Numai spiritul omului a fost pus pe un pedestol ca singurul focus important in credinta. E ca si cum am spune, Isus nu e important, nici Duhul Sfant, numai Dumnezeu. In noi exista trei dimensiuni, trei atmosfere, trei lumi intr-una singura. Daca nu intelegem importanta acestor treimi care exista in noi, ne va fi foarte greu sa intelegem treimea dumnezeiasca. Fiecare latura are o importanta egala (nu mai mare sau mai mica) si toate trei au nevoie de o existenta harmonioasa pentru o relatie sanatoasa cu noi, intre noi, si cu Dumenzeu. Dar nu-i usor in a mentine harmonia intre cele trei: trup, suflet si spirit, asa-i? Parca aud deja remarci pline de furie, mai ales din partea extremista a unor crestini, dar pot spune cu convingere ca daca trupul si sufletul nu erau asa de importante nu erau atatea versete in Biblie dand sfaturi cum sa le ingrijim, respectam, hrani, imbraca, cultiva, pastra sanatoase.

Treimea dumnezeiasca exita in noi, pentru ca suntem facu-ti dupa chipul si asemarea Lui (treimii dumnezeiesti).

Daca trupul nu se simte bine, sufletul si spiritul sufera. Daca sufletul e bolnav, trupul si spiritul sufera, daca spiritul e bolnav trupul si sufletul sufera.

Am observat, atat la mine cat si la altii, ca trupeste poti fi sanatos si peste noapte in primejdie de moarte, desii poate doctorii nu pot gasi nimic grav in corp, producand confuzie. Bolile autoimmune, in schimb nu se vad pe masinariile medicale, sunt atata de sinistre si periculoase ca poti muri dintr-o muscatura a unei insecte extrem de mici. Dar bolile autoimmune, am observat, au un lucrul in comun- suflet bolnav care dealungul anilor a tot scurs otrava in corp fara sa ne dam seama manifestat intr-un system imun slabit.

Romani 12:2 a fost tocit in mintile noastre cu o latura spirituala dar, din punctul meu de vedere, incompleta. Nu ai cum sa-ti reinoiesti gandirea, daca esti invatat ca-ci gandurile noastre nu sunt importante, partial importante sau importante numai cand are de a face cu o latura religioasa. Asta inseamna ca unicatul nostrul, RNA, calitatile noastre etc, la care Dumenzeu cu drag a lucrat sa ne formeze nu-s asa de importante ca de exemplu a stii scriptura de la cap la coada si invers.

Sufletul meu a fost bolnav ani de zile, scurgand continu ortrava in corp, in forma de furie si neiertare. Te rog nu fa aceeasi greseala. Sanatatea corpulu si a sufletului sunt in mod egal extem de importante, ca si partea spirituala:)  Incepe a ierta, incepand cu tine si bucura-te de momentele mici binecuvantate din viata:)

Va doresc o zi binecuvantata la toti:)

 

The Battle Within

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

For my sister Delia:)

Within all of us lay a hidden battle, some having to do with uncertainty, or pain, or unanswered questions so on and so forth. Lately, my inner battle has been whether I should keep on writing in this blog, exposing my fears and victories, or not. But talking to my sister Delia gave me my answer.

We all have gifts. Mine happens to be the gift of writing. We all have moments in our lives in which we doubt whether our gifts are real or not, or simply they’re a personal delusion on which we feed when bored or overexcited. I’ve been fearful to write the past month or so, questioning many things, such as the need for yet another story in this world, but what if that story is exactly what someone else needs now in order to push through today’s pain and uncertainty?

Last week I’ve visited the doctors again, making sure they don’t miss my absence:) Kidding. The back/pelvic pain and fever became unbearable.

 

As you can tell, things could be better. I suspect a kidney related infection. I’ve had a few procedures done and no communication, as yet, from the urology specialists. I’ve been given a prescription for an unrelated matter and good luck chump. The prescription causes cancer and I feel ignored. I’m sharing this because of my frustration in the western medical system who was eager to get me to do few expensive tests but not bothered to give a diagnosis or treatment for something that it’s obviously an issue. I’m sure some of you have been through something similar, felt frustrated and let down, yet again, by the medical system who does not seem interested in curing anyone. But I will not give up, not yet anyway. There’s life to be lived and things to be done:)

So, if you have a talent but you feel reluctant to pursue because you may feel “what’s the point?” especially when others seem only interested into milking and ignoring you, do it anyway for the simple reason that you can. Others dream to have your gifting, but you have it so go use it and help someone. No grand gestures necessary, no big words required, just your willingness. Start small and move forward.

 

P.S. Morning the death of a nice uncle, who died today from cancer. Uncle Relu was a hardworking, nice man.

God Bless:)

Finally:))))))

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

I hate Mercy Me’s song “I can only imagine”, oh my gosh I can’t stand that song!!!! I may be stepping on some toes here but I’m sure that every single one of you has at least one song which you hate passionately, even if that song is from a Christian genre. Mine is “I can only imagine”, it scrapes my brains with static noise and makes me want to scream in pain.

Christian genre has a tendency to put a sad twist to most songs (even if they have an encouraging message) unless you’re Toby Mac or Mandisa;) Which begs the questions: Are all the Christians in this world miserable? Christians don’t love to dance and have a good time celebrating life? I know that’s not true, but if you were to judge the christian faith by the songs alone you would think that God is the saddest aspect of life, void of fun, a sense of humor and good taste.

There is a time to grieve, a time to encourage, a time to be a shoulder for someone to cry on and there’s a time to simply celebrate!!!!!! To jump up and dance because life is good, not perfect and definitely not void of challenges, but good none-the-less. So here’s a song I can finally get up and dance and thank God for my life, despite the fact that I have an infection that’s scrambling my brain in a galactic amount of pain. However when I listen to these types of songs I smile, I laugh and I keep on telling myself: It’s just pain, Carmen, not the end of the world, just pain.

Hope you enjoy this particular song as much as I am and have a great time dancing through or despite the challenges in your life because life is good:)

God Bless:)

The road towards health

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

How did I recover?

There are many roads to recovery, one for each body and soal. What do I mean by that?  Individually, our DNA and cellular built are unique for each of us even if there are many similarities between us, and recovery should be approached with this in mind.

But enough of the philosophical talk and let’s get into the practical. How did I recover?

Before I received the diagnosis of chronic Neuro Lyme Disease with multiple co-infections (on October 2014, eight months into the whole thing) I’ve already decided to be the 1% who will recover 100%. With that in mind, I began my journey and every time I heard: There’s no cure for this, I would respond: Not yet. There’s a cure for everything we just haven’t found it yet. I really believe that.

I also had to accept one true fact: It was up to me to get healthy. Sure the doctors were going to help if they could, but ultimately it was up to me to want to heal, which meant perseverance, asking questions, doing lots of research work and ultimately be a guinea pig if that meant success. That’s what I did.

Here are some of the steps I took towards recovery.

  1. I believed I would heal. (I believed my body had what it took to heal, I only needed to figure out what was that, hoping that it wasn’t too late. Faith in God and myself kicked in at full speed… and maybe my stubbornness too;)
  2. I focused on healing. (Persevered, argued with doctors, asked questions, researched, refused to accept other’s doubt, I put distance between me and fearful/toxic people, surrounded myself with positive music, preaching and meditative words such as Psalm 23, and I believed God was on my side.)
  3. I changed my diet. (I was already on a gluten-free diet, but, at my naturopath doctor’s advise eliminated all dairy products to reduce the high inflammation present already in my body, I eliminated sugar which suppresses the immune system and added lots of greens, organic, non-processed foods and drank (still do) a high amount of green tea (for its antioxidants properties), herbal tea, especially chamomile (also for its antioxidants properties, digestive and restful benefits and drank LOTS of water, for the obvious reasons of detoxification and hydration. No soda pop or natural juices just water (filtered) and tea (organic).
  4. I followed to the T all treatments prescribed, especially the supplements. The home page can give you a better idea of the high amount of supplements I took in order to built up my immune system, in addition, all the IV’s I’d endured, shots, pokes, tests meanwhile thinking “I’ll get you, disease! I’ll win not you.”
  5. I had all the mercury fillings removed. Too weak to have this process done right away I had to go first through two years of treatment to even get me strong enough to endure such a process, which began in March 2017 and ended in September/October of the same year, with IV treatments between each dental session to rebuild enough so I could withstand the next dental appointment, one of which lasted three hours and dislocated my jaw. But once all mercury was out the dramatic improvement in my health was unreal, literally within hours. The chelation beforehand and the detox afterward helped.
  6. I focused on being a mom, wife, and friend. If I could muster it, I cooked, cleaned my house, did laundry, visited friends etc, even if the entire time I felt horrible, I focused on what I had and not the other way around. I also learned to rest, say no, and feel no guilt over the fact that I needed rest.
  7. Forgive.  Chet helped and supported me in the most amazing of ways possible, financially and emotionally, along with Elizabeth, my brothers and sisters and many friends, but I had to forgive not only myself but the painful past. I had to set myself free through forgiveness, a new habit and like all new habits this one I must repeat a lot and often so it will stick.
  8. Re-learn. I’m still smacked in the middle of this one. What do I mean by re-learn? This is where the memory muscles have to remember that once I drove long distances, I used to work full-time, be part of society and among people without panicking, I used to be outgoing and love the presence of people, take vacations etc. I’ve overcome some and I must overcome others, like being in an airport and get on a plane, (still terrified of that one). One step at the time. But I’m thankful:) Hope this article will help any of you out in this world fighting your own Lyme disease or autoimmune battles. God Bless:)

Vacation

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

Four years ago, in the middle of suffering and when my life was spent mostly in bed for months at the time in unimaginable pain, I kept my focus on a particular image; a sunny day in the future enjoying myself as a healthy woman in the middle of nature- God’s creation.  This day came to past a few months back, however, a week ago we enjoyed our first vacation since 2014, four years ago when I fell ill. I can not express the intense joy I felt during multiple moments throughout this vacation and the thanksgiving my heart expressed to God for having the opportunity to re-live such moments, even if at some point the body began to protest intense fatigue. All I did, was to take time and rest, then resume our activities.

Why am I writing this to you? Because you’ve read and seen the side of me through pain and now I want to share the other side, the side of health, the walk of health, the walk towards health. While in pain, I visualized daily the very moments I finally got to live this past week! In the past, although the body was full of death threats, no one could steal my dream hidden deep within. Never give up and if you feel fatigued in your body or in the spirit, take a few moments to rest, then go on keeping your focus on your own image of hope. For me, that image of hope was in the middle of nature, the very nature where my suffering came from through the tick bite but I was determined not to let this pain keep me a prisoner of fear.

If you are in the midst of suffering right now, what would your focus of hope look like?  Joy, peace, love, safety, new friends, health? These are the most important and in the end, these are the fruits of God’s love for us, the acceptance of our own being (the creation of God) and the love of our neighbor. Forgiveness is the way which leads to them, forgiveness and perseverance. (I know some of you will contradict this last part, as I too contradicted this part in the past, especially forgiveness. I found excuses, telling myself that I was not the one who needed to forgive, I was the hurt one and not the abuser, but I was blinded by my own anger and hurt. I forgive so I can heal. I’m also wise and not allow broken people to determine my destiny.)

I wish you a beautiful summer day, a beautiful holiday for those of you who are or will go on vacation and the grace of God may continue to be upon us as always.

God Bless:)

Prima Vacanta Dupa Patru Ani

/ Carmen McKnight / Leave a comment

 

Acum patru ani, in perioada intensa a suferintei si o viata traita in pat luni de zile cu dureri de neimaginat, imi concentram gandurile la o zi insorita pe viitor unde voi putea iesi iara-si in natura bucurandu-ma ca omul sanatos de creatia lui Dumnezeu. Aceasta zi a venit cam de cateva luni, dar acum o saptamana, pentru prima data in patru ani familia noastra a avut parte de prima vacanta de cand am cazut la pat. Nu-mi pot exprima bucuria intensa care am simtit-o in orice clipa pe perioada vacantei si expresiile de multumire ridicate catre bunul Dumnezeu pentru asemenea momente. Desi la un moment dat corpul a inceput sa protesteze oboseala intensa, ceea ce ma facut ca sa ma odihnesc, am reluat activitatea mai apoi.

De ce va zic aceste lucruri? Pentru ca in durere, ceea ce am trait in mod real, era deja real in mintea si sufletul meu, si desi toate semnele trupesti erau pline numai de amenintari de moarte, nimeni si nimic nu ne poate fura visul din inima noastra. Nu va da-ti baruiti niciodata si daca simti-ti obosela in corp sau in spirit, lua-ti cateva momente de odihna, fiecare cum are nevoie, dar pe urma merge-ti mai departe, avand permanent in profilul viziunii imaginea sperantei. Pentru mine imaginea sperantei era in mijlocul naturii, aceeasi natura de unde a venit pericolul si suferinta prin muscatura de capuse. Asta nu insemana ca nu iau pas de precautie cand sunt in natura, asta nu inseamna ca arunc intelepciunea si sfaturile, dar nu las ca ceva care mi-a facut rau sa ma tina prizonierul fricii.

Daca poate esti in mijlocul suferintei acum, ce ai vrea pe viitor sa re-traiesti? Bucurie, pace, iubire, siguranta, prietenii noi, sanatate? Astea sunt cele mai importante si in final astea sunt roadele iubirii lui Dumnezeu fata de noi, a acceptarii propriei fiinte (creatura lui Dumnezeu) si a dragostei fata ce aproapele nostru. Iertarea e calea care duce la acestea, iertarea si perseverenta.

Va doresc o zi frumoasa de vara, o vacanta frumoasa pentru cei care sunt sau vor merge in vacante si har si pacea lui Dumnezeu sa continue sa se reverse peste noi ca si pana acum:)