The Time That Ticks Today

Tic, Toc, the time moves on, moving us closer to the end of the year, to presents and family reunions, to joys and sadness and for me, like some of you, to a dreaded date. You see in only five days what once was alive is no longer with us. My little brother. This time of year is hard for my mom, for Alin and then for the rest of us brothers and sisters. This time of year we bleed while smiling, we mourn while in the midsts of parties and friends, this time of year we grieve. Fanu is no longer with us, he’s no longer among us yet he is still part of us. Always. This time of year…

I try to be strong and I try not to bleed, but I bleed non-the-less. I usually don’t talk about it with anyone but Chet. This year, I’m talking to you only because to me right now you look like a white piece of paper, safe and non-judgmental. But some of you may read this and think I’m trying to get some attention. I’m not. I can mourn him, like all these past years, in the privacy of my heart, but then I remember that you too, some at least, are mourning as well, are bleeding privately. And that’s the only reason I’m sharing now because you are bleeding as well. Silently.

At least God is with us. He too lost someone dear. He too bled. Silently.

And so I grieve, and cry and mourn, for I can’t forget my little brother, the brave little man that he was fighting until his very last breath. He loved cars and soccer balls and he loved candy and playing outside in the courtyard. He loved. And that’s why we miss him because love leaves traces everywhere it goes. And he sure left a huge trace on our hearts and if you’re reading this Fanu: We really miss you and love you forever.

Your big sis.

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