The Accusation

“You’re possessed by demons!” The critical eyes on the other side of this accusation always turned out to be trouble makers within the Christian circle with a very poor example of their own personal lives. Despite me being aware of that obvious fact, I blinked, taken a back by such a bold insult packaged as a statement. My heart got hit, yet again. Can it be true? The doubt sneaked in inevitably.

Why does this particular accusation bothers me- besides the obvious reason; who wants to be tolled they have demons?- and creates such unease within my soul? I’ve meditated on these words many times while asking God for his advise.

Conclusion: While growing up, my siblings and I were called “devil’s children” or “piu de drac” in the Romanian language, regularly. Our role- according to our accuser- was to torment him. That wasn’t very nice and I’ve tried to break away from such a stigma for years. I’ve succeeded only recently, right after God tolled me to look at the evidence- an evidence between how God treated me during the course of my life versus my accuser. The evidence speaks for itself and I no longer need to worry about a lie, passed around with such ease while leaving behind such damage.

Let me ask you this: What person full of the true spirit of God, would say something like this in your weakest of moments (first one was during my first pregnancy and the second was during these past four years while fighting a diagnosed disease). Only a hurt person would hurt another. Religion, hate, pain and misery would speak out such things while the true spirit of God brings you comfort in your weakness.

Some of you know what I’m talking about. You’ve hurt because of such accusations done in hate against you and excused by religious beliefs.

I do believe in being attacked, as we all are either by disease, disappointment, fear, anger, etc and if not resolved it turns chronic. But when “help” comes with a big dose of guilt, condemnation, accusation and down right hate, it no longer falls in the category of help. And when you’re already fighting a battle you don’t need sand in your eyes.

Thank God for healthy friends, like Chet, Elizabeth, Natalya, Gabi, Lynn, other American friends, my brothers and sisters, my Romanian friends and my family here in America,,, thank God for so many of you, full of love, that outnumbered the other ones. I hope you’re all doing well:)

God Bless:)

God is much nicer than you think

“The most important decision we will make, is wether we believe this universe is friendly or hostile.”-Albert Einstein.

Let me ask you another question first: If there was no hell, would you still believe in God?

The answer should tell you something.

I began believing in God because I knew nothing else, as a child of Christian parents. I got hurt by Christian people, I got loved by Christian people, I hated the church because of Christian people- and for a period of time I believed it was because of God, thus I blamed God, and I got healed because of all kinds of people, Christians including. I should’ve been more mature and chosen to forgive for the sake of my own health, a long time ago. I didn’t. I paid for that with my own health- or absence of health- for few years. I’ve learned many truths and I’m great full. No, God did not allow this horrible disease in my life so I’ll learn a good lesson. What lesson would that be? I don’t believe that way. It’s like saying: “I’m going to allow my child to be very sick to the point of dying, so he’ll hopefully learn what’s good for him.” Only an angry parent would do and think like that. A loving parent would sit by the child’s bed, bringing comfort and soothing away the pain. That’s what the Holy Ghost did when I was very sick. He didn’t beat me down. He sat by my bed and brought me comfort and I could feel his pain seeing one of his child so very ill.

You see, what we think affects us on a DNA level, and we must pay attention and recognize our responsibilities. Fear, anger and hate will kill you. Stress will kill you. There are studies done by Dr. Maseru Emoto (YouTube) where he found that water particles in the presence of both positive and negative environments, then frozen, looked quite different. Same with his rice experiments: the rice over which he spoke love words was fine, the one he spoke hateful words was dying (mold) and the ignored rice never thrived. I’m sure some of you heard about these experiments before, yet, we seem to ignore such results, mostly because of unbelief. Our body is 60% water and our DNA changes based of how we speak to ourselves and what kind of environment we expose our bodies to. Believe me, we’re the ones that make ourselves sick more than anything else in this world, even genes.

There was an interesting case, were a family with cancer history- lived under that fearful fact- adopted a child who also got cancer soon after, despite the different genes. Why? Environment.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”- Proverbs 23:7

Why is it that so many christians pray or profess faith in certain areas of their lives -or over other people- including health, but never see victory? Lack of belief. You or I may utter the Bible verse but see nothing improve. Why? Because we’re missing the emotion (you know that emotion you feel when you really believe something) or we feel the wrong emotions such as frustration, desperation, fear. Belief is exercised, just like any other muscle, so start where you are and build up. And never, ever give up.

When I laid in bed, very sick, besides a round-the-clock comfort, God showed me that by me refusing to forgive I damaged my DNA and my immune system, creating an acidic environment (of fear and bitterness) and a perfect play ground for disease.

When you fell in love, we’re you happy? Did the world looked better? The same world that maybe you hated right before you fell in love. Did you feel better? Did you have more energy? Why?

Our thoughts and words matter and the way we perceive our universe, God including, matters to how your body is going to respond.

Speak kindness and love towards you and others, because God is love and He’s already in you. He’s the light in your DNA and your blood, cleansing away all sickness. Just envision that.

God Bless:)

 

Lyme and Exercise

To the people that are healthy, I honestly say: Thank God for that! To be healthy is a colossal blessing. For the people who are fighting chronic immune system diseases such as Lyme Disease, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MS and the list goes on, you’ll relate to what I’m going to write next.

Any one with diseases mentioned above, including cancer and on chemo, exercise and disease mixes like oil and water. Exercise is very important, more so during these stages, however the body is under such tremendous attack, that it can’t handle exercise any longer. Not when all your energy is spent fighting off what ever is attacking you and even a fast shower -never mind shaving, that’s only a luxury at this point- is depleting whatever reserves you may have.

I remember that stage. I was told, by healthy doctors, to take 10 minutes walks everyday because my lymphatic system got stuck. As much as I understood the absolute need to move the lymphatic system- which delivers nourishment and removes toxins from the circulatory system- I had to give this answer, many times;

“I’d love to. You have no idea how much I’d love to walk for 1 minute let alone 10 minutes, but just coming and seeing you is taking such a tool on my body, I’ll be in bed around the clock for a whole week to recover from this.”

During such low moments, I would advise, take deep slow breaths while you’re in bed, miserable, wondering if you’ll see tomorrow. Deep breaths helps the lymph nodes in your gut area- quite large lymph nodes- and will help push things along.

Now, I’m the type of personality that pushes. As I gained any amount of strength I would try to take walks. I remember celebrating when I made it to the end of my driveway and back. It took weeks to build up that strengths and lots of medicine, but I never gave up. I kept on thinking -and arguing at times with my body- we’ll either make it or we’ll die trying. I also began thanking my body for every success- no matter how small. I realized I’ve been  very unforgiving towards my body, pushing it and pushing it until it finally collapsed. Now I’m grateful towards myself and I cheer my heart, lungs, liver etc with every success just like I do with my children’s successes. I had to cease my long time hateful relationship with myself.

Start with deep breaths, but envision the one minute walks, then the two minutes walks followed by 10 min, and one day walking all day long without any consequences other than the usual exhaust from the usual effort.

I’m doing so much better, and in good days I’ve been able to play tennis for up to 10 minutes -even if I have to recover for a whole week afterwards every time – and I keep on pushing because I love life. It’s a gift from God and I’m grateful for the chance to live another day.

Have a good day, today.

God Bless:)

This is my confession

The amount of pain I’ve dragged myself through lately is becoming unbearable. I gasp for air, it hurts that much. The violent nausea is borderline to fainting episodes. I must confess… I’m so very tired. I hurt all over as I drown an intense amount of medicine (natural supplements) down my throat. I look for God in the midst of my pain. I find him silent this time. I also find myself angry and so very tired of prolonged suffering. Heat is not my friend, but neither is cold. I act brave, but inside I feel the shadow of death. This is my confession.

 

Steaua vs Dinamo

Soccer, is known as the #1 sport in Europe, and that includes Romania. It’s known under the name of “footfall” or “fotbal” in Romania’s case. American football is a completely different sport than that of European soccer.

In Romania, back in the 80’s when I was a kid, there were two major teams- it could be said there was only one major team but I won’t. Steaua, or the best team in the whole country and Dinamo, an inferior version. These teams represented something: the regular folk, something along the lines of LLC Joe Regular Dude, in the case of Steaua, and on the other side, LLC Corruption and Proud of It, also nicknamed “the red dogs” which included the police and all corrupt communists in the case of Dinamo.

Performance wise, Steaua leaded with flying colors. Dinamo, who never won a championship, preferred to spend their time sabotaging Steaua instead of actually practicing and getting better in their soccer playing skills.

My family, myself included, rooted for Steaua -well…at least most of us. Gica Hagi was a favorite to most of my brothers and Miodrag Belodedici of yours truely:) Helmuth Duckadam, however, earned my respect as the best goalkeeper of all times, and soon after watching him play I became a goalie in our childish soccer games played in or around the apartment’s courtyard if not at school during sport class.

These great national celebrities- Steaua’s soccer players, among some- in real life didn’t have the wealth sports celebrities have here in America. The socialistic communistic system didn’t allow it. (Nadia Comaneci came and settled in America and that was part of the reason). Fame, according to the system was just another tool to promote a political system, a system whom in reality didn’t work at all for 90% of it’s population.

But I can say without hesitation Steaua’s soccer team’s players during the 80s were hardworking and very talented bunch. With every game, waves of laud cheers were heard echoing throughout the city, a memory I’m fond of. I’m sure after you read these lines some of you will feel the same:)

God Bless:)

 

Sister Didina

While traveling a naive road, almost blind to the Romanian traditions or the church’s traditions, I always had very pleasant encounters with great people, such as sister Didina. Although far older than me- my mother’s age- any encounters with sister Didina were nice, polite and full of mutual respect.

I was baptized in her bathtub followed by a nice feast in her living room, organized and assembled 100% by sister Didina. Even the bouquet of flowers after words was purchased by her, a personal detail that meant so much to me.

During our wedding, she let us borrow her paper fan to cool Chet off a bit, who was not used to the hot and humid weather of Romanian summers, or the lengthy church service.

It’s the small things that make a difference in one’s life and it’s people like sister Didina, that bring rays of sunshine in ones life:)

I’ll be forever grateful for people like sister Didina:)

God Bless:)

Sora Didina

Nu ma intereseaza versiunile negative a altor persoane cu privire la sora Didina. Pentru mine, sora Didina a fost si va ramane o femeie cumsecade cu un aer de doamna.

La ea in vana eu am facut botezul. Ea a organizat totul: of de la mincarea foarte buna, prajiturile excelente, pina la buchetele de flori primite dupa botez:) La masa a fost o atmosfera placuta, cu umor si convorbiri interesante si am ramas recunoscatoare efortului sorei Didina pina in prezent. Desi copil, in comparatie cu sora Didina, intotdeauna mi-a vorbit frumos si cu respect.

In timpul nuntii, tot ea ne-a dat un evantai care a fost de ajutor lui Chet, neobisnuit cu caldura verii romanesti, cu programul lung de biserica si lipsa de aer conditionat.

O vad si acuma, cu parul scurt si cret, cu zimbet pe buze si gust frumos la imbracaminte. Realizez cit de putina cunostinta in domeniul obiceiurilor culturale sau bisericesti am avut (si inca mai am) la vremea respectiva si cit de mult a facut un cuvint frumos, o incurajare si un gest placut.

Ii multumesc Bunului Dumnezeu pentru oameni cumsecade, ca sora Didina.

Va doresc o zi buna la toti si Domnul cu noi.

Killing death- update

I’ve been meditating and researching the details of this vision and I’ve come to the conclusion that it was not a positive experience. A lot of hidden negative clues have been splashed through the whole thing.

I am changing my original opinions on the vision. I had the choice of deleting the post or admitting I got this one wrong. I chose the latter. We don’t always get it right. In this particular case, I didn’t. The meaning is dark and has meant to frighten me and keep me in a fear zone, however, I refuse to be intimidated. This is a good case of seeing in the spirit realm, but dealing with the dark end of the deal, not just the good stuff.

I wish I could pick only the good, but the truth is, I can’t. So I have to learn and ask questions and reach out to others that have had more experience and look at the obvious as well. Hidden spirits using the images of loved one is like an ultimate betrayal, in my opinion.

I’ll continue to research and learn so next time I’ll catch it right away.

Have a good day.

God bless.