When things go wrong, we want help, when things go really wrong we want a miracle. For most of us that miracle never comes. Now what? What I’m about to tell you will make you mad, especially if you’re the type of person that wants everything fixed quickly, which about 99.9% of us fit in that category. I’ll start by saying…
When my little brother died, which by far it’s been the most tragic thing that happened in my life and I’m sure the life of my immediate family, I became numb. I questioned so many things related to life and God, things that were taught to me my whole life by my parents and the church. But mostly I felt numb. Than the anger came, in overwhelmingly big waves at times. The anger still comes, but the waves are far smaller and I’ve learned to let them wash over me than move on. Don’t pretend the hurt is not there, it’s part of loving and losing someone precious, if you don’t hurt you’ve never loved, so find a sliver of comfort realizing that you hurt because you loved and it was all worth it even if short lived. But don’t be angry your whole life thinking that if you move on and, God forbid, you start enjoying life somehow you’re betraying the person you lost. They’re watching us and if they could talk to us they would advise us to let go of anger. On your death bed, and I’ve been there a year and a half ago, 99.9% of things don’t matter, only one thing does matter; love and the beautiful consequences love made in your life and in the lives of those you loved. That’s it. Nothing else. Now my recovery from almost dying was a miracle. That’s what I believe and that’s all that matters to me. Back to my brother. I’ll never understand why an eleven year old boy did not receive a miracle from God, but I don’t pretend to understand the bigger picture of life either. In truth none of us fully understand it and for most, that alone fills our hearts with anger, than we operate out of that anger and turn our fist up at God when the consequences of that anger comes around.
But what have I found along the way? Endurance. And that is also a miracle. To be able to endure life’s hardships with a good sense of humor and a hope. Just the other day I slammed my fingers pretty hard in a cabinet door and as I was crying I told Chet;
“I’m so glad my nerve endings work and I can feel that!” Than went back to crying truly thankful that I could feel my own pain, knowing that my body was reacting just as it should. Only few months ago I was in serious danger of loosing that ability due to disease. So you see, endurance is just as beautiful if you know how to look at it and I thank God for all the great people that endured great adversity and pain only to inspire us later on in life. And if the victory you expect never comes, at least you’ve endured with a great attitude and most likely built friends and memories, the truest treasures on this earth.
May God bless you today and keep your heart full of happiness.
If you have time this is good.