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Part 1

I feel I have neglected you, dear reader, these past two years. I’ve given you facts but I kept my heart mostly to myself. Well, it’s been a hard two years with too many collosol losses, so my mind nearly lived on a surface level, avoiding the deep ends of heart-searching. In a way it was refreshing. Too much thinking is known to be detrimental.

How am I, really? Improving in all aspects, slowly. However, I’m still very much in a state of health that remains socially unreliable at times as I continually keep a close watch over my health. I got covid at the end of October 2022, for the first time. Since then a lingering chest issue remains. This issue has weakened the immune system to such an extent that some Lyme symptoms seem to sprout again, along with some kidney issues.

Despite this, I’ve had a nagging feeling these past months that I should start writing again, more in-depth and meaningful but I have been struggling with the subject that I should address. So I’ll pick one that it’s of interest to me now and if that changes along the way it shall be seen.

Chronic illness, I learned a long time back, it’s a physical “cry out” to an emotional and well-hidden “cry in”. This “cry-in” combined with destructive habits such as a poor diet, poor or abusive mental self-talk, and lack of care is seen almost entirely existing along patients who struggle with chronic illness. So I had to take a look at my own life, to examine this life I have been given as a gift but perceived otherwise for many years or taken for granted. My diet was excellent by American standards even if a bit heavy on carbs. (Weirdly I don’t care for pasta dishes so it’s mostly bread, pastry, and cakes.) I moved quite a bit even if I didn’t do strenuous exercise so why did I get chronically sick? I asked myself that question many times over these past eight years, avoiding the one obvious answer staring me in the face all along.

To be continued in Part 2.